Olivia 1-800-601-6975

Want to *see* Me on vacation?  *wink*  Now, that I have your …. ahem …. attention, I wanted to let you know I’ll be away from Friday, September 16th until Thursday September 22th.

I even have a SCHEDULE PAGE on the blog so you can keep up to date with all My comings and goings.  Ohhhhhhh, now that sounds darn right naughty, darn RIGHT!   Until I *see* you again, please leave your comments and I will answer each and every one when I return.

While I’m gone …. don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.  Erm….wait….~ laughs~ you know what I mean.  I hope YOU have a great week too!

An earlier blog post asked the question what is “normal” in terms of sexual arousal and erotic fantasies.

Since we’re in a kinky community that is considered outside the vanilla *norm* I asked folks on our adult social networking site, Enchantrix Empire how comfortable they are with their sex fantasies.

The poll results change so click here to see the latest.  But, as of right now, 59% say they’ve always been comfortable with their sex fantasies.  41% of respondents say they have wondered if their sexual desires are *normal*.

Like with most of blog posts and all of My polls, I use the original content to spark a conversation.  The real FUN of the exploration is in the comments section.  I love that you are so willing to share your sex secrets and intimate thoughts/feelings with Me. THANK YOU.  I cherish that!

I’m going to start us off with Eddie’s comment:

Eddie says, “Well what is Normal? “Normal” is what is considered acceptable by the majority of society. What is considered acceptable today is very different from what was considered normal say 60 years ago. And today’s normal will be very different from what it is 60 years from now.”

Eddie (and many others) bring up a good point about the concept of normal being tied to time, culture, class …. it’s ALL about context.  When I read Eddie’s comment I immediately thought about the original Kinsey reports on human sexuality.  The book on men came out in 1948 and the book on women followed in 1953.  Talk about a bombshell!  What those reports and others have shown is that the private fantasies and behaviors usually don’t *match* what is presented in public.  So, we’re back to the question of, what is *normal* …. ?

My *society* is the Mistresses, Dispatchers and executives here at LDW.  Also included in My society is the community of My blog and Enchantrix Empire.  My direct and main community is, of course, the people who call for erotic conversations, fetish fantasies and any sort of phone sex.  Given that this is My context, I have a very expansive definition of what is *normal.”

Kel wrote about this in his comment on the poll.  His society includes the real life kink/fetish community.

“Anyway, I’ve noticed a tendency in myself to look at male dom/female sub relationships as “normal” and tend to view the things that I am into (Femdom) as somehow “edgier” and “kinkier”.

It’s a strange place to be, to view certain people who are heavily in the leather scene as “normal” but that goes to show how fluid the concept is. When you’re surrounded by kinky people, a new “normal” comes into play.

I agree kel !  Submip has a nice, elegant definition:  “For me anything that is consensual between all parties is ‘normal’.”  Safe, sane and consensual (and RACK – risk aware consensual kink) are the watch words of the fetish community.

Is there anything else to add?  Eddie finishes his comment with something that I cherish about the EE community and I think would make a wonderful standard in conversations about what is *normal* in terms of sexual fantasy.

Eddie says:  “… our society, if you will, is the Enchantrix Empire. Here the preponderance of what is normal seems to be, in my opinion, Tolerance. We choose not to judge someone for their fantasies or lifestyles but accept them simply as another unique human being and most anything is acceptable as long as it doesn’t hurt yourself or someone else.”

Yours in tolerance and kink,

Ms Olivia

PS, I’ll be away doing fun, naughty things until Sept 22nd but I’ll talk with you then

Ms Olivia 1-800-601-6975

I get a lot of questions about a variety of topics.  The current batch of questions seems to center on what is *normal* in terms of sexual arousal or erotic fantasies.  Do you or have you ever wondered where your sex fantasy falls on the scale of vanilla to so called extreme fetish sex?

Do you wonder how your sex fantasy compares with the sex fantasies of other men?  In short, what is ‘normal’ for male arousal in general or more specifically on phone sex?

There are several issues here, the first being YOUR personal comfort level with who you are and what your sexual desires entail.  I did a poll on our adult social networking site, Enchantrix Empire, asking members if they’d ever wondered/worried about what they find sexually arousing.  The “normal sex fantasy” poll shows 2/3rds of the respondents saying, yes they’re comfortable.  About 1/3 express some level of concern.

How to talk about the sex you want

I’ve done other blog posts about the issues around handling your sex secrets.    Concern about how a partner perceives you is part of the *dating dance* as Paul points out:

“First, I think everyone has their own thoughts of what is “normal”. After all what may be “normal” for one, may not be for someone else, and there is nothing wrong with that at all.  The other part of that is one would have to feel comfortable with someone in order to truely share their fantasy. On some level, I would think that everyone at one point or another worries if their “normal” fantasies are “outside the norm”. I know I have.”

I have too, Paul!  Now, let’s add on if you have an erotic fantasy that you know is outside your perception of the norm.  I think the fantasy of a man who wants to be coerced into sucking cock or a man ‘made’ to eat his own cum are two great examples.  Remember that the norm will change depending on the group.  What I perceive to be the norm in My quilting group will be very different from what I perceive to be the norm in My real life fetish group.

Lessons from phone sex

What phone sex has taught Me is to NOT assume something based on appearances.  Believe Me, most people have sex needs that are very different from how they present to the world.  This is especially true for male submissives who crave the ‘vacation release’ of the occasional submission to Mistress fantasy.

Therefore, I’ve learned not to judge a book by the cover!  What do I know?  The quilters might be into fetish needle play!  ~laughs~  And I know that at least one member of My fetish group is very shy about overt sex acts like blow jobs and any kind of penetration.  So remember, what you *think* someone is into might be VERY different from the reality of that individual’s private sex urges and desires.

This was inspired by this question:

Is it unusual for a man to want his girlfriend to use a strapon on him? …… ((his question and comment continues and we’ll get to that in another post *wink*)).

Let’s talk about this and other kinky fantasies next.  I’ll answer your questions and his question in the coming posts.  What are your thoughts/questions/comments so far?   As always, I look forward to the conversation with YOU!

Ms Olivia

NEW IM:  EnchantrixOlivia