Ms Olivia 1-800-601-6975

I get My blog topics from a variety of sources:  personal experience, current events, art, science, literature, phone sex calls, odd stuff I’m thinking about and, of course, your blog comments!

Blog comment inspired this post

Mylene posted a comment that contained a chat room exchange with magnus.  mylene asked magnus if her comments had answered his question about crossdressing, transgender and kink.  (The original post points out that not all panties are the same.)

Mylene caught My attention by saying, “What turns me on, the kink, as we say, is being submissive, and i have no problem doing it with a man or a women.  It doesn’t matter to me even if on the romantic level, i have no attraction to men.  Add that to the fact that i’m not interested in “regular” sex.  the gay/bi/straight question is completly blurred.
magnus: There is a difference between submission and romance. I understand that …. It’s not about (romantic) attraction.”

Romance in kink relationships can look different

A kink relationship will likely have a different *look* of romance, but the romance is there!  There are some wonderful BDsm books that speak to this:  ‘Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns’ and ‘Different Loving’ are two titles that immediately that come to mind.

While submission might not be associated with ‘romance’ in the vanilla world, for a kinky relationship (that is more than simply play partners) romance will need to be there.  After all, this IS a relationship.  Even on phone sex calls romance is important.  Way more people call for sensual Femdom and sensual cock teasing than for hardcore Female ‘superiority.’

How important is Romance?

Ms Layla did a recent blog post about how a Mistress makes callers feel special.  Along with that theme, Layla also did a poll on our adult social networking site, Enchantrix Empire asking fellow kinksters about the importance of romance.  The overwhelmingly majority said, romance is critical.  Ms Layla and Ms Delia will feature the topic on this week’s Hot Spot, this Friday at 9 pm est.

In any relationship there isn’t the *set formula* for romance.  One of the most *romantic* things My guy has done for Me was send Me a simple (easy to operate) MP3 player fully loaded with music I love.  This was when I was in Florida with Ally and trying to work out to BLEH gym tunes over the speakers.  I’d left My ipod at home and was bereft!  For another woman, it’s flowers for her birthday but for Me, it’s music and books!  The romance was that he took HOURS to comb through all his music (LOTS!) and choose just the right tunes that he knew I would love!  I DID!  Romance is contextual and individual.

IM Chat with a Mistress about kink & romance

What follows is an IM Chat I had with Ms Delia about the weekly Hot Spot topic of Romance and Kink.

Ms Delia 1-800-601-6975

Olivia:  Knock knock, you there …. Oh Delicious Delia?

Delia:  Why hello Ms. Olivia!! Nice to see you today!

Olivia:  Hi there!  I saw Layla’s poll on EE about this week’s Hot Spot show!  GREAT poll!  And I’ve got some questions for you.  Do you have a minute to chat ?

Delia:  Sure, ask away!

Olivia:  Great!  You know……the issues of romance and kink and relationships are all GREAT topics.

Delia:  Yes it is! It is also overlooked.

Olivia:  I know you are kinky in real life, not just as a phone sex Mistress …..what are your thoughts on romance and kink?  I don’t want to steal the whole show, but why did y’all pick the topic and what attracted you to this?

Delia:  Well, I have to tell you my cockradio show, The Enchantrix Eavesdropper was all mushy last night, and those in chat learned my pet name. Basically we got into a hearty discussion in chat, and everyone agreed that romance is essential not just to a kink relationship, but also to any relationship.  What attracted us to this topic was that it is so often overlooked.  People hear “Femdom relationship” and immediately think hardcore.  We wanted to discuss the truth behind it all.

Olivia:  What do you mean by the truth behind it all?  That’s an interesting turn of phrase…..but then you are interesting and you give very good phrase turns.  *wink*

Delia:  Well, I think if anyone watches kink porn or reads kink novels, the fantasy of 24/7 is there. But, there is so much more behind it.

Reality of kink relationships

So, the reality is with my sub, we pass as any ordinary couple, except that he may have chastity and a rope harness on under his clothes when we go out.

Also, we both work in vanilla land, and have to “do” life. So, really if we don’t make time for play and for romance, things can wither.

I think care and consideration, respect and kindness, and so much more play into keeping a kink or any relationship thriving and alive.

It can be the little things too. A smile, a nickname, a text, flowers, a foot rub, really anything the other person likes.

That is the part that most people forget when thinking of a Femdom relationship. It’s not all whips and chains!

Reaction to a peek inside love life of a Mistress

After The Enchantrix Eavesdropper cock radio show last night, I got IMs and comments that the exchange between jacknjerk and me was sweet, and made me more “real”. I found that pretty amazing. One said, “I did not realize The Pain Mistress could have feelings like that!” So, The Weekly Hot Spot show will be all about how there can be a balance between romance and kink.

If anyone wants to friend jacknjerk, he is on Enchantrix Empire.

My legs, his back.

I do hope people come to the show. It should be a great discussion!!

Olivia:  OMG …… is he your guy?

Delia:  He is.

Olivia:  I posted an IM conversation with My guy as well….peek inside the love life of Mistress.

Delia:  Aww

Olivia:  The guys went NUTS ….. they loved the look at a real life IM with us!  And one of the things they said was that it was *sweet* ….. same word you just used.

Delia:  Yes!!

Olivia:  I wonder what some of the guys think our real life D/s relationships are actually LIKE!  For example, I really do NOT go to the store in thigh high boots!

Delia:  That’s exactly why we are doing the show.  We’re going to invite Mistresses to the show who are in a kink relationship just to show the guys that we are more real.  I think it lends credibility to us.

Olivia:  YES !  We really ARE people/women…..not just cardboard cutouts of ‘Femdom’.  I’ll be there Friday, 9pm est, if I’m not on a call!  Ironically I’m leaving early the next morning for a long weekend with My guy…

Delia:   Cool!!  Awww.

Olivia:  A kinky play party, family cookout, music, a show and maybe baseball.  LOL  It really IS the mix of things.

Delia:  Nice!

Olivia:  I think that’s the KEY to any of this…..the MIX.

Delia:  Sounds like one of our weekends!  YES!!  Mix and balance

Olivia:  *nods* …… all kink would get just as boring for me/Me as all vanilla.  I like some NUTS in my ice cream!  LOL

Delia:  lol

Olivia:  I’m really looking forward to The Weekly Hot Spot …. see you Friday at 9pm est!  Thanks for talking with me!  And HI to your guy jack!

To meet Ms Delia and her real life submissive jack, take a look at The Pain Mistress.  If you’ve ever wondered how a phone sex Mistress does anal training then you’ll find your answer in scene thoughts and responses from Ms Delia’s jack.

Questions for YOU!

What do you think our lives are like?  Do you like getting an *inside peek* inside the real life relationships of a Mistress?  What are YOUR thoughts about romance and kink?  As always feel free to digress.

Ms Olivia

Olivia 1-800-601-6975

Do YOU want your fetish play or kinky sex to involve your real life partner?  That’s a really common issue among the men here.  I’ve done various posts about the reality of men and real sex …. including how many of you handle your sex secrets and talking with your partner about your sex secrets.

Some people, for various reasons, want to keep this aspect of themselves to the safety, privacy and fantasy level of phone sex.  That’s why I’m here! Erotic conversation, kinky companionship or hot explicit naughty sex is perfect for many people.

Some of you want the variety of having a talented Mistress whispering naughty words in your ear as you masturbate for Mistress.  Still others of you have practical issues like those faced by crossdressers and sissy boys.  There are a variety of reasons why phone sex is an ideal solution in your life.  But, some men want to bring the fantasy to life with their real life intimate partner.  They often call Me and ask for help doing that.

Foot fetish in a real life marriage

One guy, with a foot fetish, has struggled with trying to get his wife to understand and then DO what he wants.  You can see the original IM chat with foot guy in the full form.  Since that original IM chat, we’ve IMd several times.  The other day he contacted Me to tell Me the latest in his quest!

Let’s first recap.  This is the followup to the original IM.   I post this part first so you can SEE his frustration.  Can YOU relate to what he’s feeling?!  Keep reading and you’ll find out what the current situation is.

Horny man frustrated with his wife

MN: Hey hon

empress.olivia: hey there !

MN: how are you
MN: I think my wife is why there are “phone Mistresses”

empress.olivia: What do you mean?

MN: because you are able to disconnect enough for it to work
MN: or maybe it’s cause you don’t have to dis-connect

empress.olivia: I’m not following you.

MN: you can totally connect, but she can’t dis-connect enough to enjoy the role and then re-connect for a regular relationship

empress.olivia: ohhhhhhh !!!!!!  Now I get it !

MN: you don’t have to dis-connect and re-connect
MN: you only have to connect

empress.olivia: That’s so funny, I’m doing a blog comment answer about that right now.  But here’s the thing…..I DO have to connect / dis-connect with My real life guy.  So I get it…….BUT, remember your wife doesn’t have the wealth of experience that I have.

MN: that’s very true.  Yeah, but with us (the customer) you only have to play the role they want and not worry about tomorrow

empress.olivia: Not necessairly ….. because I DO think about tomorrow……I have ongoing relationships with callers.  There IS a tomorrow!

MN: I didn’t mean it like that

MN: I hope ours is an ongoing (phone sex relationship) but ours would be an on going one with me loving on your feet and playing our scenerio.  Not my mistress tonight, and my romantic, by the candle light honey the next

empress.olivia: *nods* yes you’re right.  And with My real life guy it’s totally the Domme one night and the cuddle the next or even the SAME NIGHT.

Relationship with his wife after fetish request suggested by Mistress

MN: My and my wife’s relationship has changed a little, but very slow

empress.olivia: One thing, this is your sex fantasy…….she may NEVER initiate it.  It’s different with Me as a phone Mistress.  When you call, I know you want Me to initiate it and I do.

MN: I understand that

empress.olivia: Have you actually sat down in a non-seuxal situation and said, I really want YOU to initiate it.

MN: I explained it to her but she doesn’t feel comfy initiating it

empress.olivia: Maybe she will never initiate out of the blue…….but a compromise could be that you ASK her to initiate it and she does.  Does she want YOU to give HER a signal of what you want?

MN: I explained I was looking for the submissive feeling that only her making me do it would fulfill
MN: trying explaining it in different ways, I’m sure understanding it isn’t the problem
MN: she just isn’t into being forceful

He says, she says

empress.olivia: okay, so is she telling you NO?

MN: I tried to explain she doesn’t have to be forceful
MN: just get me to do it the same way she gets me to do everything else, with her witty little ways
MN: If I was to just sit down and start on her feet on my own, I could do them everyday

empress.olivia: Is she telling you that she doesn’t want to DO that?

MN: She hasn’t said so in so many words, and has actually said she would try
MN: or she has something planned, but it just never seems to come around
MN: she read something on the computer under foot fetish, and said she had a couple of ideas, but we haven’t done anything since

empress.olivia: Maybe she will never initiate out of the blue…….but a compromise could be that you ASK her to initiate it and she does.  I could be STRUCTURAL…..it sounds to ME like she is TRYING and that’s HUGE !
empress.olivia: So……have another conversation……
empress.olivia: ask HER if she wants you to tell her when to start.

MN: and meanwhile I stay blue balled

empress.olivia: She might not KNOW!

MN: I’ve told her, anytime she feels like it, or even to just have fun and have me get off, just to keep her control
MN: and keep me milked

empress.olivia: Okay, so what SHE is telling you (non verbally) is that she is NOT going to do that.
empress.olivia: You have a couple choices here.

MN: maybe she just don’t know how to get started gaining the control

empress.olivia: YES !
empress.olivia: That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you…..
empress.olivia: now, I’m going to ask again:  Have you asked her if she would like YOU to tell her when you want to initiate a scene?

MN: no I haven’t asked

empress.olivia: Okay…..so she has said YES to everything you’ve actually ASKED right?

MN: for the most part–yeah
MN: she’s my honey

What his wife does that makes him so frustrated

empress.olivia: okay…..what have you actually asked for that she is not doing?

MN: just gaining her control and using it. making me do her feet or at least have me let go once a day or no more than every other day
MN: she has me go too long without (orgasm)
MN: way to long

empress.olivia: Okay…….so she has actually TOLD you that she doesn’t feel comfortable with initiating control over you for sex.

MN: like really really lonnnngggggggg

empress.olivia: LOL … not really funny I know.  Seriously, you may have an answer, you just don’t like it.

MN: lol
MN: what, when…………

empress.olivia: You’ve asked her to be in control of WHEN the play starts and she’s said no….is that correct?

MN: didn’t say no, just don’t do it
MN: says she’ll try, just don’t do it
MN: says she’ll get out of bed, just don’t do it
MN: says she’ll fix dinner, just don’t do it
MN: c the pattern

empress.olivia: Okay……so her ACTIONS are giving you her answer.
empress.olivia: right?

MN: hell no,  keeps me confused
MN: sounds great, just don’t do it

empress.olivia: Okay………

MN: oh yeah baby, just don’t do it

empress.olivia: wait wait wait……can you focus?

MN: just can’t do it
MN: lol
MN: yeah,  I am

empress.olivia: okay…….

MN: I am focused.  I’ve been doing good

Suggestion from the Experienced Mistress

empress.olivia: Sit her down and ASK this question:
empress.olivia: Honey, I want to know if you are willing to take over the session if I tell you I want to start it.
empress.olivia: THAT way she doesn’t have to GUESS about when to initiate it.

MN: anytime would work

empress.olivia: Your comments about every other day and such are probably totally overwhelming…..
empress.olivia: telling her ANYTIME is overwhelming.

MN: so, what about if I let her, or get her to do this, will this mess up our daily life in the rest of our relationship?

empress.olivia: Hold on…..we haven’t clarified the first part.
empress.olivia: Let Me make sure I understand your complaint…..
empress.olivia: you want HER to initiate it ‘anytime’ and she isn’t…..is that correct?

MN: within our comfort zone…..sure

Plain talk – his complaint

empress.olivia: SAY what your complaint is……just the complaint.

MN: does not initiate having me at her feet, and doesn’t push me as far as I want it to go
MN: or as often as is needed

empress.olivia: GOTCHA.
MN: I know you do

empress.olivia: Can you wait on the *pushing you how far you want to go*
empress.olivia: and just concentrate on the TIMING ?

MN: getting her to understand it is another trick all together

empress.olivia: getting a text session…..
MN: ok
MN:  I’ll catch ya later

Time goes by

We chat on IM periodically and he stays frustrated but kept listening to My coaching.  That is REALLY hard to do when your balls are full and aching for the exact kind of sex fetish orgasm release that sends you to the moon and back.  But, HM kept trying.  Like he thought he’d been trying for decades but now he had some coaching from the Experienced Mistress.

Talk about a happy ending

HM: Just wanted to say hey, and that after alot of patience, and catering, and babying the issue around for awhile, things have come along way, and I now enjoy, not only loving on her feet, but have increased our frequency 10 fold.  Thanks Olivia for your help, and your patience, as we all know I’m not real good at waiting, but through your guidance and outlining, you’ve helped a 30 yr marriage feel kinda new again. Thanks alot and as always “Mmmmmmeeerrrrrrrcccyyyyyy, tore up from the floor up”     lol    c ya

empress.olivia
OMG, can I post that foloup !?

HM:  np
sorry to bother ya
know you’re busy
just wanted to let ya know

empress.olivia
yer makin’ me tear up……
seriously……
that is SO GREAT !!!!!
For you BOTH baby !!!!

HM: aawwww, seriously, you helped alot
and she’s more like my little honey again

empress.olivia
*pumps fist*
YES !
I knew it………
I really did think that patience would pay off !

HM:
wasn’t sure I was gonna make it

empress.olivia
LOL
I know!

HM:
thanks again hon
hope I’m not messing up someones time
says you’re in text,
I didn’t expect an answer
was just gonna let ya know the deal
and wanted to thank you and all your responders

empress.olivia
OH!
I forgot to change that !
LOL
I’m going to post this right after the current IM series.

HM:  some responders helped, some not so much, but even if I didn’t like the comment, I knew I didn’t like them and that helped too

empress.olivia
*nods*
YES !

HM:
ok   hope it helps someone else
you’re awesome, – ya know that?

empress.olivia
I think that’s critical……you can listen to everyone and then ultimately you need to make decisions that feel right to YOU and your circumstances.
Awwww…..now, don’t give Me a big head.
LOL
It’s MY ROLE to give you a big head…..*wink*
I’m playin’………

HM:
just being cool enough to help an ole fart like me
that’s cool

empress.olivia
seriously, you know we’ve talked about your marriage and I really do get it that you’ve got a GOOD marriage……..
and that’s not something to take lightly!

HM:
no,  she’s my honey

Why hot sex is important to a marriage

empress.olivia
But, whew baby……30 years……that’s a long time to keep the HOT SPICE in the bedroom going.

HM:
glad to get over that dam old hurdle

empress.olivia
AND, that’s kind of a difficult thing for *civilian* women to negotiate…….
simply because they are busy, etc.

HM:
yeah, but we (my wife and I) are supposed to be better than most, always have been

empress.olivia
I can tell you……MEN think about sex much more time wise…….but women LOVE sex!
And we love sex with our man…..unless there are basic or systemic problems in the marriage itself.

HM:
average hasn’t ever been good enough for me or mine

empress.olivia
*nods*
I know that about you …… you are a great guy, cute as all get out…….
and I really wanted to work with you to get this one thing GOING

HM:
now look who’s giving who a big head
it worked

empress.olivia:  I love it when I HEAR you say that you’re tore up from the floor up from one of My fantasies……but, I REALLY wanted you to say that about your wife!  Does that sound really WEIRD?
LOL
You know how I mean that, right?
I’m part therapist, part detective, part kinky investigative reporter……LOL

HM:
no, you achieved, or helped me achieve something I’ve worked on for 30 yrs. and had basically given up, and it had caused problems with the rest of sex life

What did HE do and can you do it too?

empress.olivia
*nods*
What happened?
Did she just need some time without being pressured to perform the way you wanted her to perform?

HM:
we had all but quit, but things have fired up again now, and I figure will continue to burn for awhile, now that she has so many areas to work from
I didn’t pressure her for along time, but she needed to understand how important it was
she just didn’t realize

empress.olivia:  She finally HEARD you !
But, you SPOKE it…right…..you said it out loud……I think that’s the key.

HM:  yeah, I’m kinda stubborn when it comes to being heard.  She just wasn’t hearing what I was trying to say b4

empress.olivia
*nods*
YES !
In a relationship sometimes what your partner is saying becomes like wallpaper, you don’t SEE it!  Or, in this case, HEAR it!  That comes with familiarity and it’s part of being human.

HM:
we both listen a little more, face it, she wanted it better too.

Wife wants better sex too !

empress.olivia
REALLY ?
OMG……what did SHE say about wanting it better too?

HM:
and we came to some compromises

empress.olivia
Women LOVE to *win* with their man!
What were the compromises?

Action Steps!  LOL

HM:  a little more attentiveness
a little more non-sexual attention, and a little more romance, which would come with me being happy about our sex life together letting her realize how much I had gone along already and it was time to give a little on her side too
and I would give on some issues she wanted the romance, a little more help around the house inside, some of the old attention she used to get 100 yrs ago  lol
you know, the woman thing

empress.olivia
*smiling…..BIG SMILE*

HM:
well hon, it’s getting late, I have to get ready to try and make a dollar. It was good to hear from ya again, thanks a bunch ‘hugs’  and I’ll catch ya later

empress.olivia
THANK YOU so much for telling Me.
Seriously, you have MADE My day !
I’m sooooooo thrilled for you BOTH !

HM:   well, I’m glad it helps you too.  Thanks again.

empress.olivia
hugs and go make that dollar…..bring a bunch of spring flowers home for NO reason.

HM:  one slow lick and kiss up your arch
just to think about

empress.olivia  ~laughs~ get yer bad self outta here baby !  hugs !

HM:
c ya

Questions for you

What have you learned or been inspired to consider as a result of seeing the outcome of HM and his wife?  For those of you who are married, does this chat make you feel hopeful, wistful, or another emotion?  For those of you who are single, does this help you begin to see how you might choose to handle your fetish and erotic desires at the beginning of the relationship to make sure you get your erotic needs are met?  As always, I want to hear from you

*wiggles My lovely toes in celebration*

Ms Olivia

Talk with Ms Olivia @ 1-800-601-6975

What are your questions for this Experienced Mistress?  You can ask Me anything.  I’ll either answer you or tell you that I’m not going to answer and give you a reason why.  For example if you want My address I will say no (LOL) but feel free to ASK what you want

Questions about phone sex

What’s on your ….. errm, MIND that you’d like to ask Me?  You can ask about erotic conversations with Me, phone sex in general, services offered, etc.  Do you have questions about billing or privacy?   I’m trying to think of various questions I’ve gotten over the last three years.

Questions about fantasties

Phone sex is an amazing way to explore sexual desires.  For example, maybe you’ve been watching a certain kind of porn (especially kinky porn) and you feel aroused and want to find out more about it.  Well, where do you go?  Who do you ask?  LOL  Could you imagine saying to a buddy or female friend, hey I stumbled across some cuckold porn and I was aroused…now what?  Or, maybe you totally enjoy pleasing a woman and feel the urge to take it even further …. Who do you ask what IS further?  If you ask this Experienced Mistress I can guide your questions and then determine if you’re interested in body worship or something more intense like D/s slave training.

Questions about sexuality

The single most common question from our suck patrol site is about sexuality of a man who fantasizes about sucking cock.  So, are you curious about your sexuality or sexual preference?  Ask Me!

Questions about this Experienced Mistress

I tend to tell you a lot about Me and people always have questions.  What would you like to know?

Post your questions here and I’ll answer in My replies.  ENJOY!

Ms Olivia

There have been a variety of comments recently about what makes a good Mistress.  I think we’re all agreed here that there’s a huge difference between a  Mistress and a bitchy female!  You can read about that on the Blog Mistresses Blog.  That said, there is also a wide variety in what callers themselves are looking for in a Mistress.

Recently, I’ve had several delightful callers who are not into extreme sex play.  Now, I am an Experienced Mistress so I do know all the kinky sex games and can get as naughty as you like.   One caller (I’ll call him EROS) wanted some anal play but said, “What IS IT with you Mistresses and your big black strapons!”  I totally lost it!  I cracked up laughing.

The extreme is not the norm

Eros and I then had a great conversation about what makes a great phone sex call for him.  I doubt he’s the only one that feels this way so that’s why I’m doing this post.  It easy to get caught up in highlighting the extremes.  The “most unusual” or the “you’ll never believe this” moments are actually few and far between.  (That’s WHY they’re unusual, duh!)  If you think about a newscast, it’s the disaster that gets the news coverage.  You’ll never see a headline saying, Thousands of planes land without problems.  But, of course, the plane crash is a front page story.  I think human beings are like that too.  We gravitate to communicating about the extremes.

Great phone sex isn’t automatically about extremes …. it’s about the erotic experience.

For Eros, it’s the deliciousness of a Woman sensually in control even to the point of putting him in My panties …. not full on sissy femme but wearing My panties as a nod to My erotic control.   Part of his enjoyment of our erotic conversation is that it is not one sided.  For him (and much to MY delight) it ended up being about both of us having fun back and forth … combined with a smidge of kink in terms of cock and ball pain play for him.      (( and, no …. there was NO big black strapon involved! *snicker* ))

Here’s to what YOU enjoy!

Olivia    1-800-601-6975

$2.50/min, 10 min. minimum, billed directly to your credit card.