Ms Olivia 1-800-601-6975

I get My blog topics from a variety of sources:  personal experience, current events, art, science, literature, phone sex calls, odd stuff I’m thinking about and, of course, your blog comments!

Blog comment inspired this post

Mylene posted a comment that contained a chat room exchange with magnus.  mylene asked magnus if her comments had answered his question about crossdressing, transgender and kink.  (The original post points out that not all panties are the same.)

Mylene caught My attention by saying, “What turns me on, the kink, as we say, is being submissive, and i have no problem doing it with a man or a women.  It doesn’t matter to me even if on the romantic level, i have no attraction to men.  Add that to the fact that i’m not interested in “regular” sex.  the gay/bi/straight question is completly blurred.
magnus: There is a difference between submission and romance. I understand that …. It’s not about (romantic) attraction.”

Romance in kink relationships can look different

A kink relationship will likely have a different *look* of romance, but the romance is there!  There are some wonderful BDsm books that speak to this:  ‘Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns’ and ‘Different Loving’ are two titles that immediately that come to mind.

While submission might not be associated with ‘romance’ in the vanilla world, for a kinky relationship (that is more than simply play partners) romance will need to be there.  After all, this IS a relationship.  Even on phone sex calls romance is important.  Way more people call for sensual Femdom and sensual cock teasing than for hardcore Female ‘superiority.’

How important is Romance?

Ms Layla did a recent blog post about how a Mistress makes callers feel special.  Along with that theme, Layla also did a poll on our adult social networking site, Enchantrix Empire asking fellow kinksters about the importance of romance.  The overwhelmingly majority said, romance is critical.  Ms Layla and Ms Delia will feature the topic on this week’s Hot Spot, this Friday at 9 pm est.

In any relationship there isn’t the *set formula* for romance.  One of the most *romantic* things My guy has done for Me was send Me a simple (easy to operate) MP3 player fully loaded with music I love.  This was when I was in Florida with Ally and trying to work out to BLEH gym tunes over the speakers.  I’d left My ipod at home and was bereft!  For another woman, it’s flowers for her birthday but for Me, it’s music and books!  The romance was that he took HOURS to comb through all his music (LOTS!) and choose just the right tunes that he knew I would love!  I DID!  Romance is contextual and individual.

IM Chat with a Mistress about kink & romance

What follows is an IM Chat I had with Ms Delia about the weekly Hot Spot topic of Romance and Kink.

Ms Delia 1-800-601-6975

Olivia:  Knock knock, you there …. Oh Delicious Delia?

Delia:  Why hello Ms. Olivia!! Nice to see you today!

Olivia:  Hi there!  I saw Layla’s poll on EE about this week’s Hot Spot show!  GREAT poll!  And I’ve got some questions for you.  Do you have a minute to chat ?

Delia:  Sure, ask away!

Olivia:  Great!  You know……the issues of romance and kink and relationships are all GREAT topics.

Delia:  Yes it is! It is also overlooked.

Olivia:  I know you are kinky in real life, not just as a phone sex Mistress …..what are your thoughts on romance and kink?  I don’t want to steal the whole show, but why did y’all pick the topic and what attracted you to this?

Delia:  Well, I have to tell you my cockradio show, The Enchantrix Eavesdropper was all mushy last night, and those in chat learned my pet name. Basically we got into a hearty discussion in chat, and everyone agreed that romance is essential not just to a kink relationship, but also to any relationship.  What attracted us to this topic was that it is so often overlooked.  People hear “Femdom relationship” and immediately think hardcore.  We wanted to discuss the truth behind it all.

Olivia:  What do you mean by the truth behind it all?  That’s an interesting turn of phrase…..but then you are interesting and you give very good phrase turns.  *wink*

Delia:  Well, I think if anyone watches kink porn or reads kink novels, the fantasy of 24/7 is there. But, there is so much more behind it.

Reality of kink relationships

So, the reality is with my sub, we pass as any ordinary couple, except that he may have chastity and a rope harness on under his clothes when we go out.

Also, we both work in vanilla land, and have to “do” life. So, really if we don’t make time for play and for romance, things can wither.

I think care and consideration, respect and kindness, and so much more play into keeping a kink or any relationship thriving and alive.

It can be the little things too. A smile, a nickname, a text, flowers, a foot rub, really anything the other person likes.

That is the part that most people forget when thinking of a Femdom relationship. It’s not all whips and chains!

Reaction to a peek inside love life of a Mistress

After The Enchantrix Eavesdropper cock radio show last night, I got IMs and comments that the exchange between jacknjerk and me was sweet, and made me more “real”. I found that pretty amazing. One said, “I did not realize The Pain Mistress could have feelings like that!” So, The Weekly Hot Spot show will be all about how there can be a balance between romance and kink.

If anyone wants to friend jacknjerk, he is on Enchantrix Empire.

My legs, his back.

I do hope people come to the show. It should be a great discussion!!

Olivia:  OMG …… is he your guy?

Delia:  He is.

Olivia:  I posted an IM conversation with My guy as well….peek inside the love life of Mistress.

Delia:  Aww

Olivia:  The guys went NUTS ….. they loved the look at a real life IM with us!  And one of the things they said was that it was *sweet* ….. same word you just used.

Delia:  Yes!!

Olivia:  I wonder what some of the guys think our real life D/s relationships are actually LIKE!  For example, I really do NOT go to the store in thigh high boots!

Delia:  That’s exactly why we are doing the show.  We’re going to invite Mistresses to the show who are in a kink relationship just to show the guys that we are more real.  I think it lends credibility to us.

Olivia:  YES !  We really ARE people/women…..not just cardboard cutouts of ‘Femdom’.  I’ll be there Friday, 9pm est, if I’m not on a call!  Ironically I’m leaving early the next morning for a long weekend with My guy…

Delia:   Cool!!  Awww.

Olivia:  A kinky play party, family cookout, music, a show and maybe baseball.  LOL  It really IS the mix of things.

Delia:  Nice!

Olivia:  I think that’s the KEY to any of this…..the MIX.

Delia:  Sounds like one of our weekends!  YES!!  Mix and balance

Olivia:  *nods* …… all kink would get just as boring for me/Me as all vanilla.  I like some NUTS in my ice cream!  LOL

Delia:  lol

Olivia:  I’m really looking forward to The Weekly Hot Spot …. see you Friday at 9pm est!  Thanks for talking with me!  And HI to your guy jack!

To meet Ms Delia and her real life submissive jack, take a look at The Pain Mistress.  If you’ve ever wondered how a phone sex Mistress does anal training then you’ll find your answer in scene thoughts and responses from Ms Delia’s jack.

Questions for YOU!

What do you think our lives are like?  Do you like getting an *inside peek* inside the real life relationships of a Mistress?  What are YOUR thoughts about romance and kink?  As always feel free to digress.

Ms Olivia

Ms Olivia 1-800-601-6975

Informatrix

I get lots of questions about all sorts of things.  Most issues are in the BDsm and sex fetish arena but I’m an Informatrix (new term from a caller of mine) — we can talk about anything your heart or your dick desires.  After all, it’s phone sex and it’s fun!  (Unless of course you want to be tormented and this Experienced Mistress can do that too! ~laughs~)

These IM chats are about real issues for real men.  So, there really isn’t anything too strange to ask.  There are no limits on what you ask; I’ll manage My end.

Free IM Chat Time

Now, I do have some boundaries about these free IM Chats.  First, if you want My undivided attention in private or ‘scene’ creation that IS a session.  Second, if I do one of these free IM Chats with you it is with the clear understanding that I will be posting it on My blog.  You ‘can’ change your mind at the end of the free chat and decide I can’t post our IM chat but don’t expect to get another free chat.    Finally, I don’t IM during a call or sexy texting session.  Within those limits you can ASK anything and you’ll get real consideration and a response.

This IM chat background

This IM chat is with a man who called as part of his exploration of BDsm and fetish.  He’s interesting to Me because he’s at the beginning of his fetish exploration journey.  He knew he enjoyed various elements of cock control (cock tease and denial) and wanted to find out more.  Our session was amazing and I thoroughly enjoyed it!  He IM’d with a question, here’s part of our chat.  There are other parts and those will follow.

Question about sex professionals

Man:  So bizarre question, or maybe not so, for you…for a “toe in the water” sensation play experience, am I better off in the hands of a sensual escort, or a regular playing amateur?

Ms Olivia:  PERFECT question for My blog.  Want to post it and I’ll answer there?

Man:  sure – will have to post tonight (at work now!)

Ms Olivia:  We can chat here if I can have permission from you to post this IM to My blog.  I do a lot of that and this is a perfect conversation for that.  As always, I’ll take off your IM and take out identifiers…….but, I’d like to post because I get this sort of question.

Man:  sure

Ms Olivia:  GREAT !   So……couple of questions first……Have you been to an escort before?

His escort experience

Man:  yes – more traditional/GFE (girlfriend experience) versions

Ms Olivia:  *nods*   Another question…..did you want to have sex with the escort after play?

Man:  yes

Ms Olivia:  So, double check the laws in your state.  In most (with the exception notably in NV) paying for sex is illegal.  Be aware of possible risks, etc. that you take.  I, obviously, recommend that you stay within the legal limits wherever you are.  THAT said, here’s a difference between Pro Dommes and escorts.

Man:  ok

Pro Domme versus escort

Ms Olivia:  Pro Dommes are primarily into sensation play, Domination/submission, pain play, etc.  They generally do NOT engage in any sex during or after the session.  Escorts on the other hand, know that sex is more than likely part of the deal.  Escorts generally KNOW about BDsm (fetish fashions, play, etc. is part of our pop culture).  If the escort is good at what she does she’s familiar with BDsm in a provider sense and most likely is at various levels of skill with that.  If they are skilled enough they generally become Pro Dommes and leave the escort business.  Skill level often decreases the actual opportunity for sex for you in a paid setting.  LOL  Makes sense?

Fetish doesn’t mean sex

Man:  Yes it does. I think that’s an interesting distinction – dommes are in it for the role, not the sex…I didn’t think of it that way.

Ms Olivia:  *nods*  Exactly……

Man:  on MY end of it, they are linked, but on their end, they are not

Ms Olivia:  I know one man who is on IM right now who went to a strict Domme and a sensual Domme.  Both did paddling and sensation play.  Let Me check with him to see if the sensual one had sex after the play and paddling.

Man:  lol ok

Ms Olivia:  He might have stepped away from his computer…..he’ll back back and if we’re still texting, I’ll get your answer from him.  MY experience is that there are different advantages to all THREE categories depending on what you’re looking for.

Man:  Three?

Ms Olivia:  Sure, Pro Domme, escort (still paid professional) and amateur.

Man:  So the follow up question/post is..what sort of questions can/should I ask to ensure I’m getting the right experience from a Pro Domme or escort?

Ms Olivia:  GREAT folo.  Just a sec the other guy is writing back.

Man:  ok

Another man shares his real life experience

Ms Olivia:  Here’s what he wrote:  “More like an escort doing domme stuff, but in a way that was fine.  I was just happy to find someone to do the kinky stuff, and I had the feeling she enjoyed it.  She didn’t seem inexperienced or awkward at it  was sort of like the fun people at a play party.”

Man:  gotcha..so for his end (which sounds similar to mine) might be best for an escort with a domme/sensation play side

Ms Olivia:  *nods*  Yes because a Pro Domme doesn’t do the sex part……although things are usually negotiable and you can always ask.

( …. to be continued ….)

Preview of cumming attractions

This was a long IM chat so I’m posting it as a series.  The next couple of days will bring an exchange about professional sex versus fetish play with an amateur.  There are different advantages to both.  As always I appreciate your comments and questions.  I’d like to begin the conversation about making a distinction between someone who is paid for sex and someone who isn’t.  When you pay for something there’s a different dynamic.  That’s not automatically bad OR good.  Being a customer gives you different options (and benefits) then you get as a romantic partner.  I find that the ‘trouble’ starts when the paid and unpaid distinctions get blurred.  For example, I don’t mind at all when I phone sex caller abruptly hangs up right after orgasm but I sure don’t suggest you do that with a real live woman you’re in an intimate relationship with!  ~laughs~

Ms Olivia

Olivia 1-800-601-6975

Where we left the IM chat with the man new to Femdom and phone sex is that he now knows that trying on panties that belong to his girlfriend and getting a rock hard cock doesn’t mean he is a sissy or into crossdressing feminization.

Careful questioning and guidance by the Experienced Mistress helps him to see that the thrill is from Mistress domination, his submission and the humiliation of being caught in panties.

Often panties are a signal that he might want to suck cock, so that is also an avenue to explore.  That’s where we pick up the IM chat in this blog post.  Again, he has given his permission to post this, I’ve taken out the identifiers and the bold headings are mine for your visual clarity.

Does wearing panties mean he wants to suck cock?

empress.olivia: Did you also find our site suck patrol arousing?

New Guy: A little

empress.olivia: A little as in you’re shy.  Or a little as in “hmmmm maybe this is hot but I’m not totally into it.

New Guy: About suckpatrol i think im shy, sound nice but i dont know if i dare.

empress.olivia: *nods*

empress.olivia: Phone sex with an Experienced Mistress is PERFECT for shy guys!
empress.olivia: I get it !

Does he like SPH – small penis humiliation

empress.olivia: Do you know what I mean when I say humiliation as in erotic humiliation?

New Guy: Im not sure i know whats included in erotic humiliation. Like small cock tease?

empress.olivia: ANYTHING can be used for erotic humiliation.
empress.olivia: That’s why it’s important that the Mistress talks with you to create the fantasy (and the sensations) you’re looking for.
empress.olivia: Do you get hard thinking about being teased and taunted for having a *small penis* ?
empress.olivia: You can get hard with this whether or not you actually HAVE a small penis.

New Guy: I do get a hardon but its not getting fully hard just thinking about it at least.

empress.olivia: *nods*

empress.olivia: So, that might be a starting point of the erotic fantasy but not a trigger or even a big part.

Does he like being caught?

empress.olivia: When you think about being *caught* going thru My panty drawer, is THAT arousing…….
empress.olivia: caught, taunted, seduced into doing things you wouldn’t otherwise do.
empress.olivia: How does that make you feel?

New Guy: Yes my heart goes faster and i get hard

empress.olivia: FANTASTIC !

Does he want to be coached into sucking cock?

empress.olivia: I’m going to change the subject just a bit to ask about something else.
empress.olivia: I WILL come back to this……because I remember EVERYTHING.  LOL

New Guy: Yes Empress Olivia

empress.olivia: You mentioned a girlfriend……
empress.olivia: How do you describe yourself sexually…….
empress.olivia: straight, bi, bi curious, gay?

New Guy: Straight

empress.olivia: *nods*
empress.olivia: when you masturbate, do you ever think about a penis…….
empress.olivia: being seduced or coached to suck a cock?

New Guy: I have thought about being coerced to suck a cock
New Guy: But 99% of the time its a strap on

empress.olivia: ahhhhhhhhhhh
empress.olivia: Excellent information.
empress.olivia: So, your sexual triggers are primarily with women.  Dominance and humiliation.

New Guy: Yes that sounds not to far from me

Does he want to taste cum?

empress.olivia: Have you ever tasted your own pre cum or cum?

New Guy: Yes i have tasted my cum Empress Olivia

empress.olivia: On your own or did you do that *for* someone?

New Guy: On my own thinking someone told me to eat it.

empress.olivia: *nods*
empress.olivia: And, WHO was that someone?
empress.olivia: In your fantasy was it a man or woman?
empress.olivia: Looks, style, action, etc.

New Guy: Woman, black wearings, beautiful highheels, very beautiful (like you) and with a paddle in her hands.

empress.olivia: *nods*
empress.olivia: excellent.

I bet you know where we’ll pick up the IM chat tomorrow.  Since he mentioned that the beautiful Mistress has a paddle in her hands in the fantasy, I’ll be asking him about spanking, pain play and more.  I’m posting his IM chat over time but this actually took place between calls.  It was a rare day when I was able to have a long and involved IM chat that was not an actual session.  Since I don’t IM during sessions, free chats like this one are a rarity.  I’ll do this with you, when possible.  If you want a guarantee of My undivided attention and time, please talk with Me about how to get a session.

You know by now, I’m going to be asking for your feedback and comments.  Are these IM chats helpful and interesting?  What do YOU get out of them?  As always, I’m very curious about YOU!

Ms Olivia

How is it possible that I can feel you in my blood, the very cells of my body? Sometimes a caller can really ‘get’ to me. I know that we’re distant …. Linked by the soft voices on the phone …. But you get under my skin, twining inside my senses…curious, urgent, passionate…exploring. I find out things about myself that I didn’t know; desires in me I didn’t know that I didn’t know.

Power Exchange

Such is the case with my current exploration of Power with a very interesting caller …. We are both in the visceral inquiry of Domination and submission. If you’ve been reading my blog, you might have noticed that I write a lot about Power Exchange and the “interesting” sensual phone sex experiences available when we engage in Power Exchange. This particular exploration is most assuredly beyond the ‘norm’ of where we started with a more ‘expected’ session involving cock control.

Delicious Deisre

Of course, I want to get under your….ummmm…skin. It is the deliciousness of desire. And, sometimes, you get inside me. It is delightful to experience what you tell me about how I get under your skin. This is what I want to bring to your life … the fulfillment of (perhaps) forbidden fantasies … exploration of your sensual boundaries …. The intense release of pent up sexual energy. I think of myself as a facilitator of sorts. Maybe it’s a type of therapy…lol…therapy with a ‘happy’ ending!

Intimacy

And, as that facilitator, the intimate moments we share are, of course, about you. Still sometimes it does become about me. And, I (also) ride the wave of erotic energy and then tip over, falling into my own orgasm listening to you as we both experience sensual masturbation sessions. You …. Stroking for me … Me, touching myself with you. Delicious. Delightful. Thank you!

Olivia