This Femdom knows what to ask
This is the continuation of the IM chat with the young man who came to Me via My profile on sissy school and suck patrol. He’s new to phone sex and new to Femdom.
Careful questioning has shown that he is actually NOT interested in sissy crossdressing or sucking cock so it’s good that he’s having this conversation with the Experienced Mistress! I am helping him to clarify what he is looking for in a phone sex session.
In this section of the IM Chat, I talk with him to find out more about what he is actually looking for in Female Domination and how to identify his specific sexual triggers from his current fetish sex fantasy. Since he is new to Femdom he’s seen lots of images and knows some of the terminology but he doesn’t yet know how these things apply to his specific fetish fantasies. Remember, YOU are unique and your erotic desires are unique even when they fall into a general category like Female Domination.
Caught and spanked
empress.olivia:Â In your fantasy, when She paddles you….. what does She say?
New Guy: Well in my thinking when i masturbate there its not much talking.
empress.olivia:Â LOLÂ *nods*
empress.olivia: What is Her expression…..facial expression, etc?
empress.olivia: Is it a HARD paddling…..sensual…….
empress.olivia: back and forth.
New Guy: Like she is upset
empress.olivia: What position are you in?
empress.olivia: Does She bend you over her knee? This is OTK (over the knee) spanking.
New Guy: no im on all fours (hands and knees)
empress.olivia: are you tied up or bound in any way?
New Guy: sometimes im tied
empress.olivia: *nods*
empress.olivia: So, She is mad you’ve poked around in Her panty drawer.
empress.olivia: She makes you strip (if you aren’t already)
empress.olivia: She orders you to put ON a pair of panties and get on all fours so She can punish you.
empress.olivia: Is that right?
New Guy: Well it could have happend that she force me to wear panties
empress.olivia: *nods*
New Guy: But it can be that i have done anything she didnt like
New Guy: like forget to call her Mistress.
The fantasy begins to take shape
empress.olivia: And could one of those reasons be that you aren’t pleasing Her sexually?
empress.olivia: And She decides that your *relationship* will change?
empress.olivia: For example……how do you feel when I say,
empress.olivia: “you’re obviously not a real man, so you’re going to be My panty boy.
empress.olivia: Does that make you hard?
New Guy: yes
empress.olivia: What about this, “Your dick is too small. I’m tired of this and I’m going to make you sorry for being such a loser.”
New Guy: just a small effect
empress.olivia: Is it the word loser?
empress.olivia: Or is it the sph (small penis humiliation) ?
New Guy: I think none of these have a big trigger
New Guy: just very little
empress.olivia: There’s no right or wrong answer. What I’m doing is asking you questions to begin to tell you what to ask for in your first phone sex session. So YOU know and can actually say what you want.
empress.olivia: You are doing GREAT !!!!!!!!!!!
New Guy: I understand Empress Olivia
New Guy: Thank you Empress Olivia
empress.olivia: Thank you so much for your patience and being such a great sport about the coaching I’m giving you.
Wants his real life girlfriend to be a Femdom
New Guy: I have thought about my girlfriend this way that she one day takes command and our relationship becomes a femdom relationship
empress.olivia: that’s the fantasy of most men!
empress.olivia: And, it might happen…….but probably not.
New Guy: Yes i know it probably won’t Empress Olivia
empress.olivia: At least probably not to the level you’d like. One of the reasons is that she doesn’t have the experience that a Mistress does. So, she can’t *translate* your desires into reality.
Why the Experienced Mistress is different
empress.olivia: I’m the Experienced Mistress so I can ask you things and pin down things and then deliver what you didn’t even know you wanted.
empress.olivia: Or, what you sense you want but can’t even describe.
empress.olivia: Does that make sense?
New Guy: Yes it does Empress Olivia feels like you already have put out things i didnt know myself
empress.olivia: *nods*
empress.olivia: VERY common as I start to ask questions.
Why the Experienced Mistress asks all these questions
empress.olivia: That’s why I always ask questions at the start of a session.
empress.olivia: This is traditional BDsm play of setting the fetish scene.
empress.olivia: It’s to make sure that I, as the Domme, have an understanding of what you, the submissive male, wants and finds erotically arousing.
empress.olivia: It’s also to set limits. For example, if being yelled at and called a looser is NOT a turn on ….. which it’s not for you …. then in the middle of a scene is NOT the time to find that out!
empress.olivia: LOL
New Guy: I live by the philosophy to try everything once, i found out about femdom and i have understod much of it is triggering me
empress.olivia: *nods*
empress.olivia: AND, just like with crossdressing there are many variations and styles of play.
empress.olivia: NOT all Femdom is alike.
empress.olivia: And, one of the things is to find the person that you *click with* for erotic play.
Now, his fetish fantasy is taking shape. This is important for Me as a Mistress to know what you want. It’s also important for you to know what you want and then be able to articulate that to Me. I’m coaching him in how to identify and then communicate what he wants to any Femdom.
The danger in lack of communication between a submissive and a Mistress is that She can deliver the fantasy that She thinks you want but if you don’t know what you want or can’t tell Her then you may or may not get what you want to experience. Not knowing what you want and then being irked about not getting it is like going to the airport but not saying where you want your ticket to take you … and then being irritated that you didn’t get to a particular destination. I am very intuitive but not a mind reader. The danger of not knowing what you want and/or not being able to communicate it to a Mistress is that you begin to assume She can’t deliver what you want and then mess up any chance of Her experienced and experimental play to find out what you DO want. This is not good for either of you.
Sooooo …. as always. Questions? Comments? I’ll respond to every comment and I love hearing from you! I do have a specific question …. how easy is it for you to communicate what you want to a Mistress?
Ms Olivia
I get hard just reading the words “caught and paddled.” My fantasy would be different from your new friend’s fantasy, but it would have some things in common as well!
@ tommie …. business setting where I’m the CEO handling the Hostile Takeover! LOL
*wink*
Ya gotta love the creativity of phone sex!
I LOVE this series Empress Olivia! (By the way, do you have a preferred title? Empress, Mistress, Ms, etc.)
My path is much like that of the new guy, with somewhat different erotic interests, and many months further down the path. The question that vexes me now is how the experiences I’ve gained working with my phone sex mistress translates into potential Femdom relationships in my personal life. Specifically, in a paid service the D/s relationship is 90% focused on satisfying the sub’s needs, but in a personal relationship I think it needs to be much more balanced, and the sub needs to also be able to discover and meet his Mistress’s true desires. In my case there is an additional twist because even in the context of a paid service one of my deepest desires is to feel that I am being of real service to my Mistress (Violet).
So my question is, how does one turn the tables so to speak, and try to discover the needs of one’s mistress so that you can meet her needs. I know there is not a simple answer to this, and it is probably worthy of a whole book in itself. Maybe it can involve using some of the same techniques you are describing in this series in the reverse direction…
ah now slavemind…..YOU, dear man, are quite precious. And, I’m so grateful to get to know you!
You mentioned a paid Pro Domme versus an intimate real life (non paid) D/s relationship. I actually had a conversation about that with another guy new to Femdom (and pretty new to phone sex). I’ll be posting that in the future…..next week or so.
But, let Me talk for just a minute about you and Ms Violet. I admit I’m biased because I love Ms Violet as a personal friend …. BUT, she is also totally professional AND she actually cares about Her callers. You aren’t just a number to either of us. We both see this *work* also as part of a spiritual calling in which we leave the world better than it came to us that day. *nods* I know that’s sappy but, that’s real. MY direct suggestion to you is to flat out ask Ms Violet what you can do that is of service to her. She’s honest, She’ll tell you.
OH and, thanks to our conversation with you today *wink* (and your totally hot slave body) you have inspired us. We WILL be doing a talk shoe show and podcast together. The tentative start date is the beginning of June but depending on how the prep goes, etc. it might be earlier. LOL Now, we’ll see how many people read My comments to OTHER posters!
Seriously, trust the process slave and continue to get support, help and feedback from people who are SSC (safe, sane and consensual). Ms Violet has a wonderful D/s relationship and so do I. It’s totally possible for you and the search is also part of the spiritual process.
I particularly like the way you probe with a follow up question or two and then move on. You get enough information to satisfy you and then don’t ask any more. That way you aren’t giving away where you may be taking the session when it happens.
Love it. I can see why you are the experienced mistress.
*winks* @ wellspanked….thank you kind sir. LOL Part of the reason why I question the way I do is, yes, because I’m a skilled interviewer …. but another direct reason is that phone sex is delicate interplay and it needs to stay fresh, interesting and sexy….:)
While I can’t add much to your expertise, in this specific case, I do agree 100% about the significance of communication. In all honesty, it can be difficult to understand let alone communicate why a fetish appeals to us……..well to me. Exploring the nuances and getting comfortable opening up does help a lot…..and ultimately makes for a more rewarding experience. So, kudos for your approach! I have no doubt ‘New Guy’ will be a ‘Lucky guy’ too once he calls 🙂
@ DC Mike…….LOL and thank you. You and I took a totally different approach…..we connected so much with music, current events and such that we had to corral our *outside interests* and get to the SEX ! LOL Seriously, no matter the approach and regardless of the level of personal intimacy there is a relationship that is unique to phone sex that is rare! It’s people having a REAL conversation about sex. Well……and plus, for you, you turn Me on to cool music so there’s that too. 🙂
Hello again, MsOlivia. A lot of interesting things here. I am sure the subject new guy is enjoying his education here as much as I am reading about it. And I can certainly see how not having such discussions ahead of time can be frustrating for both You and Your callers if things did not work out the way they had thought. Ah, good old communication, how underused you are.
I did say in a previous comment that I was looking forward to the discussion on spanking, and while there was some tongue in cheek aspect to it (whose tongue and whose cheeks you might ask.. 🙂 ), it is something I would also find appealing, but this made me think why. You asked about over the knee spanking. Would I like that? Maybe? But…. it has ups and downs for me. The down is it seems rather humiliating, like I am a young boy and that fantasy has no appeal for me, nor am I into classic humiliation. The ups though are the control. I’ve said how much I like that aspect of Femdom and being in such a position would be a huge surrender of my control, especially if the Mistress held me just so. (I’ll leave that, as is.) Again though, I thank You for the being made to think.
Yer killin’ Me magnus !!!!! ROFLOL……you find the conversation about OTK spanking has its UPS and DOWNS ? hahahahhahahhahaha Yeah that pun smacked Me upside the head and while I’m sure that your comment has oodles of really thoughtful stuff I’m not laughing too hard to even THINK ! I’m tickled pink….and you’re paddled red …. don’t you just LOVE the varied colors of BDsm? LOL