I’m so glad to see that YOU are fellow romantics! I’m also grateful that you recognize that this Experienced Mistress is a total romantic as well. Personally I find our community in the comments section on this blog VERY romantic, interesting, and lively!
Romance and kinky relationships
There is usually more ‘real’ intimacy in BDsm or kink relationships than with most vanilla couples — simply because we HAVE to actually TALK with one another! A wicked cock teasing session might not look ‘romantic’ to some, but it IS isn’t it? One of the most romantic exchanges (with a caller) I’ve had recently, happened today when a man was telling Me on IM about his wife accepting his crossdressing. (I will post that IM next!)
I have noticed that men (especially on phone sex) are VERY romantic! Sometimes I wonder if *civilian* women just don’t know how to *notice* how romantic you ARE! Or, maybe they just don’t want to notice your (different) ways of expressing it.
Speaking of romance, I will have a romantic date with My guy this Friday so I won’t be here for The Weekly Hot Spot. We’re going to have a lively, long weekend! *wink*
More on The Hot Spot….~laughs~ oh, your dirty mind!
I hope you join everyone Friday night at 9pm because Ms Layla and Ms Delia are sure to have an amazing show on The Weekly Hot Spot! I’ll want to read your thoughts in the comments section here!
One of the things that has come out of the comments recently as we’ve talked about romance is that several of you want another peek inside My love life. Here you go 🙂 Enjoy!
This is an IM chat that I had with My guy 🙂
Olivia: Hey…….got a question for you…….
My Guy: sure
Olivia: How did you FEEL, what was your reaction to that (odd) comment/question from your girlfriend (me) when I asked to use your dick to try out new masturbation techniques?
My Guy: LOL It was awesome!!!
Olivia: LOL ! Have you ever had a girlfriend ask that?
My Guy: I had a girlfriend that told me NOT to masturbate.
Olivia: Here’s what I wrote in a blog comment: “The other day I was telling My guy that I needed to use his dick and balls to check out a bunch of new masturbation techniques to see how they feel …. he gave Me the strangest look and said, ummmmm okay. LOL I’m going to ask him what he thought about Me asking to use his dick and balls for My *experiments* ~laughs~
My Guy: What if my age is keeping you from experimenting too much…. I’m only good for 1 experiment every hour or 2.
Olivia: ROFLOL! I’m a true researcher, we will have to find something to DO for that time! LOL After all this is for RESEARCH so if we must, we must!
My Guy: LOL
Olivia: Tell Me….do you think I am a bit more *male* in My approach to sex? I’m curious as to what you see compared to other girls!
My Guy: oops…. sorry… got distracted by work (and a podcast he really likes).
Olivia: bleh….I’m talking SEX and you’re listening to (the poscast). LOL
My Guy: LOL I haven’t been with a ton of other girls… my 2 most recent relationships…one was (her name), and the other was more open to sex stuff like you. Well, no one is like you.
Olivia: LOL …. You tickle me!
(we got sidetracked talking about the podcast)
My Guy: Any more questions?
What does he think of Me?
Olivia: Do you want to answer whether you think I’m more male in My approach to sex?
My Guy: What do you mean by male? Does that mean “interested in sex” when most women pretend they aren’t or more open about it? In a perfect world more people would be… open and honest.
Olivia: ohhhh….great comment!
My Guy: It’s a subject I can be shy about.
Olivia: Really? After ALL we’ve talked about? You’re shy?
My Guy: Not with you…. in general though. We got to talk about sex in a different context before dating. <<< Before meeting him I told him I did phone sex and IF he was at all weird about it, then I wouldn’t have met him.>>>
He’s shy about sex too!
My Guy: Sex is a subject I’m shy with other people in the past. Not now. You and I got the sex discussion out of the way before even meeting. <<Phone sex as a career choice is a dandy ice breaker for that topic!>> Before you, I usually just went “with the flow” and whatever happened. I usually felt I was just lucky getting laid.
Olivia: ~laughs~ awwww…..there’s WAY MORE than just getting laid. HEY, that’s another good blog post topic!
Olivia: I’ve got another question if you’ve got time .
My Guy: yup… shoot
Are we romantic?
Olivia: How do YOU see us as being romantic?
My Guy: Well, I think we absolutely are and there are a million examples…. simple stuff, like we are reminded of each other when we see/hear something … to us going places and doing things the other enjoys … and everything in between.
Olivia: You mentioned that you read the blog comment I wrote about you sending me the MP3 player for my birthday when I was staying with Ally. Did YOU think you were being romantic with the MP3? Were you surprised at how romantic I thought it was?
My Guy: I’m glad you thought it was romantic, and I thought it kind of was too. I put some thought into some of the music. But I did it because I love you, and thought it was a good birthday present.
Olivia: YAY! You *got it*! LOL, ‘some thought’? You spent HOURS on the music! I loved that! I came running up to Ally, “Look! It’s from my sweetie!” and got all misty eyed (that’s girl language for oh wow, this is totally cool).
My Guy: Well, I know you love music, and wanted an easy way to listen to stuff you like.
Olivia: Am I romantic with you? *wink* besides the thoughtful suspension cuffs and the zippy Vampire gloves.
My Guy: LOL. On the romance, very much so. I was thinking about how lucky I was the other day, and how disappointing it would be to have to be “normal” again.
((Then we got distracted and chatted about our upcoming weekend! A weekend that includes normal holiday with family plans, a wicked play party and lots of connection time!))
Admittedly, we are more open than most couples about all topics dealing with sex and that clear communication has made it really easy to be with one another in all (non kink) areas.
The next post will be an IM chat with a man who will call, with his wife. I am really TOUCHED by our IM chat today and I can’t wait to *meet* both of them on the phone!
THANK you for all your blog comments, interesting diversions, fantastic metaphors and kind sharing about your lives! Thank you!
Wonderful post! I liked the part about being used as a lab rat in masturbation research. I don’t know too many men who would turn their nose on that unless the research started using chainsaws. 🙂 I did find it interesting Your question about having Your possibly too much of a “male” approach to sex. I am in total agreement with Your guy here. I think in general women may be conditioned not to be the aggressive or assertive one overall. It doesn’t mean they don’t like it a lot because I know they do and it doesn’t mean that they don’t initiate it as well. It’s just that in general men are the ones expected to act like they like it more, if that makes sense. And I am very glad to meet women who break that mold. I don’t think that’s a male thing. I think it’s an open, assertive, and expressive thing.
And You know what? That comes to another part of Your post that I liked a lot and that was Your comment about communication and how it as important part of a BDSM relationship. It is a shame that not everyone can be completely open with their partners about what they like. (Not to rehash all Your other posts about that topic.) In the BSDM relationship, that communication needs to be there for a number of reasons, not least of which is to make sure one’s partner’s not being hurt, not to mention making sure that the “activities” are what each other wants.
Now, onto the romance part, I think just Your description of Your upcoming weekend epitomizes what I was writing about in my comments to Your last post. Your weekend sounds full and wonderful and I wish You the best time. Baseball (maybe), bbq, oh and a play party. Only one of those things is the kinky thing but they are all doing things together. Things that both enjoy and both enjoy being with the other while doing them. The romantic spark is there in all of them.
awwww…….thank you magnus! I’m having a GREAT weekend……got online for but a bit and now, we’re going to get the munchies we’re bring to the play party. YES …. the kink is a large and small part of our relationship. If the kink weren’t there, we’d be GREAT friends but probably not lovers …. if he were judgmental of kink or phone sex then we wouldn’t be friends (we might still talk music but we wouldn’t be personally close).
So…….LOL…..the only thing that doesn’t appeal to you in the baseball? ~laughs~
I’m going to be posting several posts on male submission …. I think you are right on target when you said that men are supposed to act a certain way …. especially when it comes to being assertive (and/or passionate) about sex. Femdom and any Mistress certainly turns THAT on it’s head, don’t we?
Wheeee !!! Here’s to turning things on it’s head and in the process, turning things on.
MsOlivia, I didn’t mean the baseball wouldn’t be fun. I had just thought that Your going to game was a maybe, not a definite. I have always enjoyed going to a ballgame myself.
Interesting that You said You wouldn’t be lovers without the kink and it makes me wonder how big a part that is for You and whether it is something You could ever put aise (not sure for what reason though or that I would ever want You to).
Anyway I am glad You’re having a good time and I hope Your treats are enjoyed at the play party. And I hope Your munchies are enjoyed too. 😉
*waves* Hi Magnus! Whew, I’ve been away from my blog for a while now! LOL We actually didn’t get to the ballgame….we *fell* into a dvd series that was new to us both and had massive amounts of snuggly couch time…..which was GREAT too!
I’m thinking about your question about how big a part the kink is for Me.
I know that the phone sex career choice and *having* to talk about that with any potential mate has made Me really address how much the kink is a requirement in real life. I know one thing, if he can’t handle the fact that I’m a phone sex Mistress then we’re not going to work out as friends, lovers or anything.
The kink ITSELF isn’t the big thing per se…..but he MUST be adventurous and open sexually….I’d never go back to someone who is judgmental and rigid about that and, therefore, other things as well. I’m a free spirit! LOL I just lucked out….when My guy and I started talking about phone sex and Mistresses, etc. we found areas that we both want to do and experience together….in fact, we’re STILL finding things out! For Me…..it’s not the kink alone….it’s the intimacy and trust that you have to have to DO the kink 🙂 Does that make sense?
May I ask what the DVD series was, MsOlivia? If not, that’s fine, but it is nice to hear of new things especially ones that those I know and respect enjoy.
I understand completely about a mate having to accept what You do for a career and I cannot see how a relationship without such acceptance could exist. You chose this for a career so it’s part of You. Your choice. Not something You fell into (or I should say fell into unwillingly) or is something You’re doing until something better comes along. This is what You want to do and anyone disparaging that would not be for You.
And for the kink part, that indeed makes sense to me. I certainly understand the need for an open mind and willingness to try new things (and to communicate whether those things are enjoyable or not, re: the couple in Your later post).
@ magnus Sure! The dvd series was the first season of Glee. I don’t watch much tv (at least when it’s on tv) but I love dvds, especially when I can watch a bunch of episodes of the shows that catch my attention. I LOVED it….part of the attraction is the music …. another part is that it’s really well written and FUN! So, we both sort of *fell into* the entire season and got very GLEE-ful 🙂
Now, I did come to phone sex sort of by change on a lark …. BUT, I stayed and made this a career because it’s LDW. The level of professionalism and adherence to personal integrity is what made the decision for Me. ((Otherwise, I’d go back to exploring kink and adventurous sex in My private life only.))