He’s new to phone sex and curious
We love questions! And we know that lots of you who are new to Femdom or phone sex have questions. That’s good! CLICK HERE to listen to Me read this blog post!
We encourage you to ask questions before your phone sex calls!
We have everything set up so you don’t have to be at all nervous or shy about your first phone sex call or your first erotic phone call to a particular Mistress. You can contact the CIA, that’s our Cock Information Analysts on the Live Help Desk to ask for Mistress recommendations. Here’s an example of that with Ms Molly as our Cock Helper. You can read phone sex reviews — what callers have to say about a phone sex call with Me or any Mistress here! We even have an absolute satisfaction guarantee — if you don’t like your call, you don’t pay for it. ~laughs~ BUT, it’s still sometimes hard to pick up the phone to call, isn’t it? I know that, so I’m answering questions here on My blog.
A lot of people want to know various things about Me as the Experienced Mistress. I think this is a wonderful topic for any man who has an interest in erotic games where the Woman is in control. And many of the LDW Mistresses have blog posts about the journey to being a Mistress. Here’s what Ms Lauren has to say about being a Dominatrix vs Alpha Female.
Each Mistress is different. One of the ways to get to know us is to listen to the Mistress Interviews. Then you’ll learn lots of things and hear our voice and style. I’ll also be answering specific questions here. If you have a question, feel free to email: olivia AT enchantrixempire DOT com.
This particular question is a continuation of a series of questions from a man new to phone sex and new to kinky, fetish topics. I love his questions and he has nicely allowed Me to use his questions to answer them in blog topics!
Today’s question from a man new to phone sex:
“How did you discover that you liked to be in control? Every woman I’ve met has always wanted men to be the dominant.”
He makes a great point … there are more female submissive than there are Femdoms. Look at the success of 50 Shades of Grey. Look at all the bodice busters and romance novels — the man is always an Alpha Male who sort of rescues the submissive or struggling female. She loves being rescued and loves being sexually submissive to him, the dominant male. I know that’s accurate for many women and even some men. BUT, what isn’t accurate is that sense that all men want to be the Alpha Male. Many men don’t!
Mistress in control versus sexually assertive woman
I’ve always been sexually adventurous and curious. You can tell from my Wish Lists that I’m someone who loves to learn. Since I love sex, it is a given that I’m going to be learning about sex. What to do, how to do it, tips and tricks, trying new things. All My life, I’ve been the one sort of “in charge” in the bedroom simply because I’m the one that has the ideas. ~laughs~ I’m someone who says, “Lead, follow, or get out of the way.” I’m the same way in the bedroom. I started taking charge by accident and found, WOW this is AMAZING! I started learning about Power Exchange and reading about the psychology of BDsm. WOAH! I’m very creative in My erotic roleplays and then being able to incorporate all sorts of amazing scenes. Well! That’s for Me!
Tell Me about you!
Do you think this caller is correct…that most *vanilla* women want the man to be dominant? Do you find yourself taking the sexual lead but not enjoying yourself fully?
I’m looking forward to your comments!
Ms Olivia
I think the caller is correct. In my experience, most women want to man to be the dominant one. To some extent, I think is biologically wired in, but activated by environment. For example, if a woman or girl at a certain stage of development encounters an environment that teaches submission, then that tendency is triggered and locked in. Society teaches that traditionally so that’s what women become. However, if at that same crucial stretch of maturing, a woman or girl experiences an empowering environment — a school that instill confidence or a group of strong women in her family — then that gets locked in. Those tendencies toward submission and dominance get extended into the bedroom. I know there are folks in the BDSM world, too, who are “balancers.” That is they are so burdened with responsibility and leadership roles that they crave the reverse to put things into “balance” through sexual submission. It’s a very complicated question without an easy, simple answer.
In my primary relationship, I have been the sexually dominant one. I’ve even enjoyed it and consider myself something of a switch. However, I’d love for my partner to be dominant, so I could explore that with her. My dilemma is my own fear that she’ll think less of me or that her enjoyment of my dominance will be diminished by seeing me submissive. I have that myself. If I know a dominant is a switch, then I don’t enjoy them in their role as much, even in erotic fiction. I worry I could end up undermining both experiences — me dominant, me submissive — by revealing my need for submission. That’s why I call LDW from time to time. All that said, I think this internal factor has made me a better Dom when I need to be.
I’ve wandered off topic though and rambled on long enough. Anyone else want to chime in?
Thanks for writing benner! I think he’s right as well. At least that is My experience in the *vanilla* world….but really, now that I think about it….how does anyone really know what goes on inside of another’s bedroom. Maybe there’s way more Femdom out there! Maybe there’s more kink out there than we’d ever imagine! I know I’ve looked at people arriving for a play party and when they’re dressed in their *civilian* clothes they look like they could be going to a PTA meeting…..instead of going to an OTK meeting! ~laughs~
I LOVE the term “balancers” and actually that’s the first time I’ve heard that term! YAY benner is teaching the Experienced Mistress new things! ~happy dance~ You’re right….there’s a big difference between being sexually submissive and having a submissive ‘nature.’ Actually, benner, that’s a great point! I should turn this into a whole blog post! Thanks!
You’ll see that here we LOVE it when you wander off topic! In fact, I can wander with the best of them — although magnus might take the “I digress” cake! LOL
THANK YOU for words and thoughts that get Me thinking….yummy!
OH and read on….I’m a switch too 🙂
I would love to see a blog post on the differences between sexual submission and a submissive nature. I feel I have a very submissive nature, but sexually I am neither submissive or dominant. My actual view of sex is that of indifference. And yea I like cake. 😉
That’s a great question Forrest! I’ll get that in a blog post. *hands you cake and smiles*
OH and another reply because I’ve been thinking of what you said about not enjoying someone if they reveal they are a switch. Just wanted to let you know I saw that and if that ruins your enjoyment of our interaction, then that’s okay….I hope it doesn’t but I understand that erotic desires are often not rational! ~laughs~ While I do phone sex and that is in the fantasy realm, I bring My real self to the interaction and My real self really IS a switch. Some people like that. Others don’t. I can make sure that you get with lifestyle Dommes in our network if you need that 🙂
Yes, I don’t have a submissive nature politically, intellectually or professionally. I’m assertive but not aggressive or overbearing. However, I can be sexually submissive with the right woman. Thanks, Mistress Olivia, for highlighting that sub-theme (no pun intended) in what I wrote earlier. That also is a good point about the difficulty in determining what people do in the bedroom. I once read the results of a study into infidelity. It’s conclusion was that men tend to exaggerate how often they have cheated and women tend to understate it. The authors concluded women cheat just as often but have more guilt about it. Men want to brag about their prowess, often falsely. Despite more studies and data on human sexuality, I’d imagine in regard to our particular question we still mostly have anecdotal info and guesswork. Final note and back to the original topic: I’ve known many strong women, some in leadership positions in private companies. I’ve seen those strong women just melt into the arms of their husbands and boyfriends and transform into seemingly docile, contented creatures. It’s a transformation that appears entirely natural and unforced.
Well put brenner! And, I’ve seen the same thing with men who are so very powerful in the boardroom groveling and begging in the bedroom. Is THIS funny that I find Myself enjoying saying that men get submissive much more than reading you saying that women *melt in his arms*. ~laughs~ Okay, so I’m a switch and I said that. BUT…..just like with being bi-sexual there are varying points along that bell curve. I’m bi but more on the heterosexual end. I’m a switch, but more on the Dominant end. I will say that I certainly ENJOY a good sub-theme now and then! ~smiles!~
It’s true that a new guy can be quite shy and sometimes seems not to know where to start. I think it’s great that you’ve shared all this information with our future callers. You’re such a smart lady Ms. Olivia and I know all of our callers and followers adore you.
Satisfaction really is guaranteed guys, and if you’re on this blog, then you already know how HOT Ms. Olivia is. So, why not give it a try, she’ll pop your cherry just right, lol… 🙂
So true Christine! You know what I just thought of a blog post! Shy guys and phone sex! OH and I’m laughing remembering you saying those exact words “pop your cherry” in a two Mistress call that we did. We are, if I do say so, a wicked fun team for some very naughty erotic humiliation! OMG, girl you are FUNNY and I like that!