I’m going to pause the IM chats about various issues of Femdom, calling phone sex, asking your wife to do a your fetish with you, etc.
IM chat topics coming up
I have a variety of IM Chats on the way. Real IM chats with men about what is really going on in their sex lives and fantasies. IM chats include interest in erotic humiliation, advice on amateur kink players vs Pro Dommes, cuckold questions, bi sexual fantasy desires taken to real life, why one caller loves the wicked mindfuck, and more. So, look for those and other topics in the coming weeks.
Email about My blog
Right now though, I want to reply to an email I got recently from someone new to our adult social networking site, Enchantrix Empire. Here’s what he said:
“To begin with, I’d like to say I’ve been reading your blog in my spare time, and I find your essays and posts incredibly insightful, intelligent, and honest. I (do a certain work), so I’m mostly busy doing that, but I log on here (EE) from time to time, and I’m slowly absorbing the avalanche of information that is available. You (…) seem well-informed and insightful to this scene. You tackle some issues that are harder to quantify, but that are nevertheless very relevant issues in bdsm that I haven’t run across before (online, anyways), such as various social aspects, psychological aspects, as well relationship aspects. You seem to have a good perspective from many different angles, and you are very clear at communicating your ideas.”
Why I tackle these issues on My blog
I’ll admit I love the praise. LOL And, who wouldn’t? We all like to be good at what we do. Phone sex (as a career choice) is a vocation AND, as you can hopefully tell, an avocation.
After reading his very kind email, I wanted to highlight WHY I am tackling some of the ‘harder to quantify’ issues. I tried to do more *typical* blog posts for phone sex blogs and, frankly, I got bored. Well not so much bored per se as uncomfortable …. with each post I was noticing that there was so much left unsaid. It was the elephant in the living room.
For example, it’s great to say something like, “For hot phone sex call Me.” but what is NOT mentioned is all the real issues that men face and WHY you are calling phone sex. Phone sex can be totally for fantasy sex fun but it can also be one of the few places where you can ask questions about sex, women, men, relationships, fetish questions, etc.
Real men have real sex issues
For example, if you like to crossdress do you tell your very conservative wife? You love stockings and high heels but your wife says your request to wear them makes her feel like she’s being objectified and flatly refuses. You’ve stumbled across Femdom porn on the internet and have questions. Come on, WHERE do you go to talk about this stuff?
When doing the *normal* phone sex blog, I started feeling disingenuous about only blogging about the fantasy sex when the reality of all these other issues ARE part of My calls. I know for a fact they ARE part of your lives. That’s why I started using this blog as a forum to discuss all the unmentionables.
It’s funny that there really isn’t an outlet for REAL talk about real sex. Everyone is so cautious. The real issues are hidden even in the *openness* of the adult sex industry. I get that and do think we don’t have to have everything on public display BUT since we let it all hang out (literally with you exhibitionist cam guys) let’s throw caution to the wind and have adult conversations about sex.
What topics would YOU like to see covered? Have a problem? Got a question? As always, leave a comment and I’ll reply. Let’s keep the lively conversation going.
Open ended quesitons and completely draw a blank…LOL. I think one reason it’s tough to be out in the open about real sex quesitons is because the answers are so tied to the individuals. To ask things like, does this or that turn someone on can really only be asked to the individual. Great topic, but I’ll have to keep thinking of a question…I’m sure something will come to me.
You’re right, wellspanked …. real sex questions do generally mean individual specific answers. That is just ONE of the ways that makes a conversation about sex difficult.
As a culture it’s easy to say, THIS particular sex act is *normal* and that is not. And yet, that begs the question of WHO gets to decide what is normal?
This does NOT mean I’m advocating ‘anything goes’ with regards to satisfying sex fetish needs and desires. You’ve seen that I feel strongly that it has to safe, sane and consensual. But, for two (or more) people to have a conversation about what they (as individuals or as a couple) consider desires, limits, etc. is not only appropriate it’s critical for the health of intimate relationships.
We don’t have a public environment that supports questions …. LOL …. or critical thinking in general, least of all for emotionally difficult topics. I do think that phone sex (with LDW) can be one of the few places to actually talk about these things. I’m glad My blog is such a forum!
Hi Mistress Olivia Thank you very much to hear some questions from who don’t feel they have anyone else to ask but you Mistresses. This is sissy Jacklin and I have asked you a few questions before. What about those who call you not for fantasy but for real every day life, I am always hearing what would your wife do if she found out you were wearing woman’s close, then there are us who would like to know how do I tell everyone who knows me that I want to live as a sissy girl full time 24/7 because deep down I have been transgender almost my whole life and can’t stand living as a man anymore. But you are the only person I would like to talk to about it.
*reaches out and gathers YOU Jacklin into My arms*
*cooing sounds as I stroke your pretty hair…..whispering in your ear…..it’s okay baby, it’s okay………strokes My hand down your back……patting your back lightly and holding you pressed so close that as you let go you feel supported and surrounded by strength … ummmmmmmmm precious girl, My dear sweet precious girl……there……sinks to the sofa pulling you next to Me, across My lap, still bundled in My arms, holding you tightly and starting to rock gently.*
Ahhhhhh…….jacklin. Ahhhhhh baby …….. *soft clucking noises and gentle, sweet cooing sounds*
Life is not always fair. Life is life. You have one life (maybe you have more, maybe you go to a great place, maybe this is it.)
Life is right now.
Life that is lived requires much more than individual courage. I’m sure you know the phrase, “It takes a village to raise a child.” I personally believe that people NEED community as much as any of the essential elements required to live. Air. Clean water. Food. Shelter. Basic safety and security. A Sense of value within a community. Art and creativity. Music and ways for artistic personal expression. A purpose for living that calls to you.
You are talking about very serious issues and I’m so grateful that you’ve posted it. Now, send Me an email with your location and I’ll do a search for resources specifically for you where you are. That said, I do want to make some general internal suggestions here.
Precious Jacklin …. and others who are transgendered and reading this … Here’s the reality. EVERYONE feels the way you feel in their own version of that. Not the transgendered part, that is unique to those of the Third Gender and Fourth Gender. But, the part about wondering where and IF they *fit.*
The sneaky little secret that everyone is afraid to admit to themselves or out loud is that they are afraid.
We are all so scared of one another we use all kinds of ways to NOT connect. It’s not about YOU precious, it’s about the other people. THEY are afraid and taking it out on you. (And, there are practical issues that I am aware of and not making light of). But, the psychology is internal to THEM and does not have to define you for you. YOU can define yourself.
What are people (everyone) afraid of? Well, everyone has something. Some people wonder if they’re *good enough.* Some wonder if they are loved. Some wonder: “if you really *knew* who I am on the intimate inside would love me?” Some just wonder what they wonder.
Poets and philosophers identify this as the essential loneliness of being human.
Sometimes it just hurts.
There is life. Day by day. Life with surprises. Life with pain. Life with growth and change. Life with moments of sheer joy. You are NOT alone AND your situation is exasperated by the fact that you were born in the wrong body, in the wrong time and in the wrong culture. You journey here might be to find meaning and value in the very *wrongness* that can be incapacitating. That is a high level life purpose and journey.
I have several specific ideas for you.
First, send Me an email olivia AT enchantrixempire.com with your city and more about your personal living/work situation, etc. I will make specific resource suggestions to you.
Second, be an informed live-er of your own life. To Me that means knowledge and connection. I recommend Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, Maya Angelou’s I know Why the Caged Bird Sings and, Changing Ones – Third and Fourth Genders in Native American Culture.
In the first, you meet a Jewish man in a Nazi Death Camp who wants to live even as all are dying. The second suggestion is one of My favorites and a pivotal influence in My life during a troubled time …. This is the lyrical voice of the journey to define oneself despite external circumstances (racism and segregation). The last is to show you that just because the society you are in now has two genders doesn’t mean it *has* to be or always has been (or always will be) that way.
*rocking you and stroking your hair* ….. send the email precious. You are NOT alone I promise you that!
I agree with a lot of what you say, and I just want to expand on one of your ideas here. In your response to wellspanked, you followed up this statement from your blog, ‘It’s funny that there really isn’t an outlet for REAL talk about real sex. Everyone is so cautious’ with the answer, ‘I do think that phone sex (with LDW) can be one of the few places to actually talk about these things. I’m glad My blog is such a forum!’ I’m new here to EE, and the fetish world in general, but the more I look around, the more I’m seeing that trust is a big issue in BDSM relationships generally, and without it neither participant could feel the freedom and openness that is needed to explore her/his fetishes. In a fetish-based phone-sex relationship, the biggest ‘elephant in the room’ is already out of the way for both parties, creating a bond of trust that is most-likely only shared between those two people. I can see how the effect of the ‘confession’ or the acknowledgement of one’s fetishes to another can open up strong lines of communication and perhaps have some therapeutic value. With the fetish ‘elephant’ gone that can unblock a lot of stuff. Of all the people in the world to talk about your fetishes with, is there anyone better equipped than someone like Mistress Olivia, who deals with this stuff every day, and has not only a wealth of knowledge and insight that has been nurtured through experience and dedication to her craft (just read Her blog), but also an unbelievable sense of compassion (see Her reply to sissy Jacklin, below). Mistress Olivia, thank you for providing a forum for all of us here, let’s keep the conversation flowing!!
@ JaquelineHeidi ….. thank you SO much! And, you’re right in identifying that TRUST is *the* key element. With phone sex you don’t have the risks of disclosing fetish need or erotic fantasies. I really have heard all kinds of things! And, as the Experienced Mistress I hear fantasies of all kinds. In fact, some men who are so shy about talking about their erotic needs really open up when I start talking openly about various things.
The other element of trust in this venue, of course, is your identity and financial information. Ms Ally is adamant about keeping your privacy! We have all kinds of things in place to ensure that and just one of them is that I don’t even know your name! I think all of these safeguards are good because, as you said, when there’s trust THEN the connection can really flourish ! THESE connections are what make this a privilege for Me in so many ways !
THANK YOU for writing!