The response to the: Your Sex Secrets: Tell the Experienced Mistress blog post has been lively and insightful! Thank you ! According to the poll itself 23% would LOVE to tell their partner….but worry she would FREAK. 25% have talked with their partner about sex secrets and …. WOAH, she’s kinky too !
This topic generated a LOT of great comments on My blog itself and on the Poll about telling sex secrets on our adult social networking site Enchantrix Empire. On the Empire or during an amazing phone sex session, the conversations are extraordinary!
I’ve had phone sex callers ask Me, “How did I get this way.” Ms Constance has a specific post on that — asking the question: When did you first discover your kink?
Ms Constance also has insightful comments on the sex secrets survey. You can read her comment in it’s entirety on the Enchantrix Empire sex secrets poll. But, let Me bring your attention to several specific issues that Ms Constance brings up.
Ms Constance: “I have always come from a place of being confident and sure of myself and as a result finding out kinks of partners never bothered me in fact fascinated me so I set my sights on finding out about them. Try it at least once see if you like it type thing.”
All of the Mistresses hear about wives or girlfriends who ‘freak out’ when a partner talked about a sexual kink. I don’t think the ‘freak out’ response is going to change YOUR sexual reality one bit. For example, if your are turned on by coached cock sucking or being a sissy in panties, chances are that aroused you before your current partner. You are aroused by what arouses you, end of story.
WHY does your partner freak out about your fantasy?
Ms Constance identifies a possible reason why vanilla women freak out. According to Empress Constance: “I honestly think that comes from a place of insecurity with themselves…..they immediately think you’re the freak because they are threatened about what it says about them….I am not good enough….Why do they need that if I am good enough and many try to “fix” what they consider broken …. ”
That brings Me to the question for you: Do YOU think your erotic fantasies need to be “fixed/eliminated” or accepted? This Experienced Mistress wants to KNOW!
As always, I’d love to hear from YOU!
Ms Olivia
Interesting question! The same thing has been said about homosexuality for a long time – if you could “fix” it, would you? Personally, barring a case where your kinks are absolutely disruptive to your life or very dangerous… They are part of who you are.
While we all have things about ourselves we’d like to change (billion dollar diet industry can attest to that) I think we have to worry about the Butterfly Effect. If you could really change certain integral things about yourself, would you still be you?
WOW Nicholas what a great question! And, that brings up the issue of “how integral IS your kink?” … I doubt ANY of us are our sex fantasies 24/7 …. with the possible exception of a crossdresser who would like to be in feminine mode all the time. But, I sure don’t want to be a Mistress all the time. The possible exception to that is when I’d really like to take a flogger to My really hot trainer at the gym when she is working me really hard! LOL
So, My kinky sex play isn’t who I am totally, it doesn’t define Me but I don’t want to be without it because I wouldn’t be ALL of ME!
If YOU had to give up your fetish play…..could you still be YOU?
I’d love to hear your answer and hear from anyone else who would like to answer the question. It’s a great point!
Ok Ms Olivia, here is my shot at an answer to your question here.
If one were to fix there sexual fantasy, well then I would think the way to do that would be to make it real, apart of everyday life. A very nice idea for some, but then it is not a fantasy anymore.
If one was to eliminate ones sexual fantasy, then would they not in some way be living a lie. You would be giving up your fantasy and what would turn you on. While that would and could work for a while, it might not last very long and then you are back where you started.
Accepting it, well one can accept there own kink, that is not the problem. The problem is having other people accept it. Not everyone is open minded as the the members of the Enchantrix Empire, and in my opinion that really is to bad.
i have met alot on nice people on Enchantrix Empire, who all have diffrent kinks. Some like CBT, others are sissy’s, I could go one with the list but I will not do that. I for onecan accept the kinks of my friends, it’s what they are into and can support that even if that is not what I am into.
Finding that special person in real life to accept what one is into and become a part of it, may take a person awhile. Putting your kink out there for others to know, who might not accept it. The bottom line in my opinion : It’s a risk, and life is full of them. The other option would be to keep it a secret. It’s a tough choice I’m sure.
GREAT Points Paul and thank you so much for taking your time to write!
You’re right about having the sex secrets fantasy is a risk and probably not one to have if you’re casually dating. Jamie Rose mentioned how she was to the point of marriage and then said, you know, if this person is going to marry me I want her to know ALL of me and that includes the crossdressing, femme side as well. Personally I don’t tell casual people in My life that I am a phone sex Mistress or anything about My kinky sex life or erotic fantasies. It’s just not appropriate. But, everyone close to Me (except those under the age of 18) know that I do phone sex as My career. I don’t talk a LOT about it but then again, when I was a professional photographer or various other careers I didn’t go on and on about them either.
THANKS again for writing and for always voting and posting comments on My polls on Enchantrix Empire. I agree with you there …. EE is a unique adult networking site full of all kinds of kinky people who accept and enjoy one another! I certainly FIT in that community!
I think Ms Constance is right for some cases. I also feel that with some kinks some partners just dont like it cause it isnt what’s considered “the norm”. They think that a guy wearing panties isnt erotic and they just dont feel like thats something they would want to experiment. While it does suck for someone who has thsoe kinks and their partner doesnt like them it doesnt make their partner a bad person just a different person and I’m still sure they could have a happy relatioinship but I totally get the fear that a perosn would have in telling someone about it.
Thanks for writing Evil Penguin !! It’s always GREAT to talk with you !! You’re so right about the whole judgment thing in terms of whether someone else enjoys the kinks and fetishes that you do. I’ve spoken about liking sex scene roleplay and fantasy phone sex WAY more than My real life boyfriend. When we’re together in real life, doing a hot BDSM session, I’ll be using My vampire gloves on him and whispering naughty things in his ear and he’ll spout off with a joke! LOL He’s not into the fantasy, he’s gets off on real life. I am more into the fantasy. BOTH are okay. He doesn’t judge Me for loving the sex fantasy conversations that I have with callers…..the ones where I masturbate and have a delicious orgasm. We don’t judge one another about anything. We find that mutual respect and lots of conversations about sexual limits and things we’d like to try WITH one another works really well.
Now EP…..I have seen you on cam and can I just say…….I soooooooooooooooo enjoy when you can call 🙂
You were one of the ones that inspired the Erotic Humiliation on Cam blog posting earlier !
*wink*
In my opinion everyone wants their kink to be accepted, and I cant imagine most people are different from myself in that they didnt wake up one morning and decide they like wearing panties or enjoyed CBT or SPH,etc. I personally can remember fantasizing about going on a date with Britney Spears where she dressed me up in her clothes when I was 8 or 9 years old. I think everybody’s partner needs to try being understanding and try it in the bedroom atleast two or three times. However if its new or strange to our partner and they are hesitant about it I dont think we should be selfish about our fetishes and expect them to dive in with both feet, I could understand when my gf tried fooling around with me while I wore lingirie she even indulged me wearing lipgloss once, but after that she said only do it when shes not around which I felt was counter productive. I think its a 2 way street and it might be easier for some people to have their fetishes ‘erased’ but I dont think thats good for the soul.
cassie sweetie……I think you’re on to something. I am convinced that sexual fetishes really are deep seated and ingrained. As such when you talk about trying to erase them as being bad for you soul….I think the resistance really DOES damage. Now, I’m obviously talking about sexual desires that do NOT hurt an innocent person. I have the right to My own kinky sex but I don’t have the right to order someone to participate (unless he has that as part of HIS fantasy! LOL) But, I think it’s a legitimate topic to bring up when dating. After all, you check compatibility in all sorts of other areas, right? I’m a fan for as much open disclosure as possible. My pet / slut might not have the *fantasy* gene as much as mine is but we CLICK. There’s no way I, personally, could be with someone who wasn’t kink friendly at a bare minimum and better still a fellow sensation seeker in the world of sexual exploration via kinks.
Thanks for writing cassie 🙂
I have accepted the person I am kinks and all. I really tried to change myself but finally realized that it is just me. My spouse loves and accepts me but still struggles with some of my fantasies. I agree with the insightful Mistresses that these relate to her insecurities but they are real to her and I must respect her limits. I know her history and understand the basis for her insecurities. There are many bright and beautiful people that are insecure because of early family influences or life experiences. They need acceptance and understanding just like us kinky folks. So, we support each other and accept each other’s limits. The next time I want to explore outside my limits I know the Mistresse I will call.
Jamie Rose….you are DELIGHTFUL ! Thank you for spending time with Me and for having conversation about erotic topics and life topics and living topics. You have a RARE depth and capacity for compassion …. not only for your own sexuality and expressions of sexual desires but also for your wife and her limits. I’m thinking back to starbaby’s posting and how much his wife has changed over the three years that I’ve been doing sessions with the slut whore pet (terms she LOVES Me to use on her). This weekend, she’s going to do the sissy whore fantasy with her wife doing the dressing. WOW…who could possibly have predicted that change in their relationship! I think if the other person is going to be more willing to accept kinkier aspects of you then you’re the right one to bring out her various sexual aspects. And, from what I now know of you, it’s your obvious love and care and compassion….combined with the fact that you’re not pushing her to do things that she (right now) is uncomfortable with……that will yield the fruit of sensual pleasure for you both.
You are a GEM!
And, damn cute about it too !
Of course, in our fantasies ………..and in ‘ourselves’ as human beings, we seek and need acceptance. But in the pursuit of our fetishes and desires, I think we do need to remember that no man is an island. I think it is in the fufilling of BOTH our own…. AND our partner’s dreams and desires, that fantasies can become reality………by sharing them together!
okay Mike I HAVE to respond with a music quote…..LOL…..because you and I talk about music all the time. When you mentioned ‘no man is an island’ I immediately *heard* in My head this: Jefferson Airplane’s bathing at baxters album….. “No man is an island….no man is an island …. no man is an island …… he’s a peninsula! hahahhahahahha”
You ALWAYS make me laugh and think and MORE so I had to pass that on.
Now, directly to your comment …. like with ANYTHING it has to be mutual if you’re in a relationship that you want to keep going. For example, I’m doing this body cleanse food thing and I was talking with my boyfriend and he said, you’re not going to expect me to eat all that are you? LOL I said, nope sweetie don’t change a thing about who you are! Kink is the exact same thing. If one person tries to make another engage in their kink it probably won’t end well. But, as other people who comment here, it’s so sad when someone’s wife or partner says, NO I expect you to abstain from your fetish totally, it and you are a bad person for doing that. WOAH ! That totally sucks doesn’t it? BLEH! I’m a live and let live kinda gal.
I really like the thought that a vanilla woman (or I suppose man) could feel threatened but the revelation that her partner is kinky. (By like, I think it entirely plausible.) I for one though would hate it if my desires made my partner feel inadequate when really such desires should be mutually pleasurable and a door to exploring things together.
Yes magnus, I think Ms Constance is right on target with that observation. For example, there was this one couple who called My phone sex line. The man wanted his wife to learn to be more Dominant with him. He also really wanted to experience CBT and spankings from her. Their vanilla sex was fine but he wanted to spice it up. He talked with his wife and suggested the BOTH call Me and get some sexual advice about how to begin to add some kinky sex play into their marriage. One of the very first questions his wife asked Me was whether I thought that she was inadequate in some way because he wanted something more than they’d had for years. We talked a long time with Me assuring her that any man’s sexual fantasies have to do with male sexual arousal and rarely have anything to do with the woman not being ‘enough’ for her man. Once she was able to understand that he is her husband AND a male who has kinky thoughts and that it’s all normal to have both in one package then she was able to begin to embrace kink herself! Now, that is a woman willing to be coached to the benefit of the marriage and their own intimacy. magnus, if she ever tells you that YOUR erotic desires make her feel inadequate it probably does say more about how she feels about herself. The wife I was telling you about eventually confessed that she had been feeling inadequate anyway because SHE had gotten bored with the sex too !
Wow, MsOlivia. Sounds like stuff straight out of marriage therapy, which I suppose, in a way it is. Forgive me as I know I am preaching to the choir here, but communication has got to always be one very important thing a couple should have always (and second only to love). If one keeps their desires bottled up, there is no way for their partner to know, and they both end up missing out. Having said that, I don’t say that such is always easy. The perv question aside, we do still live in a society with lots of taboos. I said on EE last month that I could tell a friend a woman had a great ass, but if I said she had sexy feet, I’d get funny looks. So I can see the reluctance to out oneself for kinky thoughts, but….that’s the hump to get over to experience true intimacy between lovers.
You’re so right magnus…and, since you used the great ass analogy, being told that would offend some women! Of course, it’s situational also. Best not to be reticent of giving comments in a business setting because you never know when THAT might backfire in ways that effect your financial life.
LOL Some of what I do really IS relationship therapy. The majority of My phone sex callers are married men in long term marriages. They generally love their wife. Sometimes sex (her way) is good or even great. But, these men want something that they aren’t getting from their partner. I’m thinking of one man who has a stocking fetish …. the loves lacy black stockings, panty hose, high heels … it’s a leg and foot fetish. He’s begged his wife to wear thigh high stockings and high heels to bed and she flat out refuses. She says it objectifies her as a sexual object. Gulp. What’s wrong with that? I don’t think she knows that the man with the hardon is not the total man! So, he calls phone sex for what his wife refuses to give him. sissy c on EE sent Me an email asking for a blog on Phone sex: Is it cheating? That example immediately came to mind. Look for that in the future 🙂
*wiggles freshly painted toe nails at magnus*
Hey Mistress Olivia I wrote a small blog on this on EE but I was curious as to your feelings on sissys and girly music
*Makes my “Huh?” face to the objectification comment as well.* I don’t see what’s wrong with that either, MsOlivia. I certainly do NOT believe that women should be objectified always and I hope I’ve been able to express that in my love of intelligence. However, in the bedroom situation, what’s wrong with one’s partner doing things to please? To look extra sexy? Isn’t that part of love as well? I for one would not mind being objectified in such a setting. Enhancing the physical part of sex does not take away from the emotional part between the couple in any way.
*Waits patiently for that upcoming blog post while admiring beautiful wiggling toes.*
@ magnus …. yes I made the *huh* face too ! Personally I ADORE being a sexual object !!! That’s part of the point of fetish attire. I certainly don’t just buy My shoes and stockings and lingerie ‘just’ for Me! Just like the word pervert I think there’s a sexual charge to erotic objectification just like there is a negative connotation. Personally if My guys STOPPED looking at Me as the hot sexy woman I am I would worry and rush to the gym and salon! LOL On that note, I ALWAYS get extra horny during a pedicure and you know WHY ! *wink*
Thank u so much mistrees yo give this chance to me. i think inside every men there is one soft side of sissy stays !! But every one cant feel n expode it but mistrees. Every community n spouce dnt allow to live in this kind of relationship.
Only sissy knows wht fun n enjoyment she is feeling persnolly.
i fall in this kinky side from last 6 years when i was younger. In this case people has many different kind of fetish but especially i love to serve every women.
i always try to do hardwork 4 all womens. All sissy try to find mistrees in all girls even girlfriends. They try in wife but they can’t bcus mistress only can understand what sissy actually needs n how shud they treat them .thank u so much mistrees to giving me this wonderful chance to speak about these intersting topic .
Thank you sissy for doing your sissy assignment and posting your comments to the blog community. I know that as a non-native English speaker it’s difficult for you to write but I think you’ve done a fantastic job of articulating what many sissies feel, especially when they are in their 20’s which is younger and newly on the sissy journey. You are right in that many submissive men who like to dress as women (sissy slaves or submissive crossdressers) look for Strong Dominant Women in their real life among girlfriends and wives. BUT, while those women might be amazing women only someone who has experience as a Mistress really understands the dynamics of Dominant / submission Power Exchange. THAT Experienced Mistress knows exactly how to treat sissies like you!
THANK YOU for writing and learning how to post on My Mistress blog.
GOOD SISSY!
As long as it’s safe, sane, and consensual, any kink is fine with me and doesn’t need “fixing.” And here in the Floating World there are friends who can advise and Mistresses who can do much more than advise. There are plenty of things that not only don’t turn me on, they turn me off, but nobody is forcing them on me. There’s enough real trouble in the world (poverty, war, disease, Cannibal’s farts, etc.) that we really don’t need to get all fussed up over things like cross-dressing or giantess fantasies or body worship.
And I’ve learned a lot about things both kinky and non-kinky here in the Empire to boot.
@ tommie LOL you are so funny! (yeah, Cannibal is DANGEROUS!) …. the Enchantrix Empire is the only adult networking site of it’s kind. I too use that as a kinky and safe social outlet. I love our discussions on The Phoenix music group. Yes we all talk opening about our own sexual kinks, erotic need and issues around sexuality but, as you point out, we talk about lots of other *stuff* too. Personally I like the MIX of topics. THANKS for writing tommie.
I didn’t think I could tell anyone about my giantess fetish including my partner as I thought anyone that would have heard of such a fetish would think it was totally off the wall! That was until I met Giantess Olivia! The best giantess I have ever came across in my opinion, she can fulfill anything I asked of her!
@ manant …. THANK YOU for the comment…..I bet you had to run all over the keyboard to type those letters didn’t you, tiny man? *snicker* Now, don’t slip because I might grab you and stuff you all sorts of naughty places. *giggle*
Seriously, the Giantess fantasy is one that I think most people don’t get …. unless of course, they have tons of experience in Giantess Fetish fantasy … not just the details of how to create a Giantess fantasy but also some of the sensual psychology of it. And, even in phone sex giantess calls are a niche fetish. Personally, I had never heard of the giantess fantasy until I started professional phone sex! NOW, I love this fetish. It’s such an amazing and creative fantasy. It gives Me a chance to really GROW in more ways than one LOL. Thank you for your comment. I’m curious about something. If you’d like to share, I know I’d love to hear how you came to be attracted to Giant Women like Me. *wink*
Ever since I was old enough to really love the female form I was always fascinated by the, well let’s just say backside of a women, and to think of being crushed by it was just such a turn on. I would imagine myself getting ready for a gorgeous ass in skin tight jeans, shorts, thong, etc. just waiting to be sat on. With you Giantess Olivia you have done more than enough for me in this area of fantasy, esp. with your appetite that really *blasts* this fantasy into a whole new world for me haha. Those couple sexytexting I have done with you about my certain area of the giantess fetish just gave me a whole new love for the fetish!
Ever since I was old enough to really love the female form I was always fascinated by the, well let’s just say backside of a women, and to think of being crushed by it was just such a turn on. I would imagine myself getting ready for a gorgeous ass in skin tight jeans, shorts, thong, etc. just waiting to be sat on. With you Giantess Olivia you have done more than enough for me in this area of fantasy, esp. with your love for the fetish that really throws this fantasy into a whole new world for me haha. Those couple sexytexting I have done with you about my certain area of the giantess fetish just gave me a whole new love for the fetish! You know EXACTLY what I area I am talking about giantess lol
Manant, thanks for taking your time to tell Me and us that. I’m always fascinated about where fetishes come from. And, speaking of a great looking ass …. that’s the single most common comment from the photos page of this blog. When I put up the ass photo ….. ohhhhhhhh ! Your giantess fantasy was actually one of My first ones to ever DO ! Did you know that? It’s true 🙂 Thank you for the compliments …… and being on My exploration of a fetish that I now love! And YOU tiny man…….I’ve just come back from getting a glass of water and I’m moving to sit down in My giant chair ….. run tiny man run or My ass will surely CRUSH the very breath out of you! hahahhahahahha Ohhhh too late……hmmmm, there’s a bump in My chair …. *squirming around and grinding you into the seat* LOL You know what’s coming next……YOU! LOL
Thanks again for writing !
First off let me say Ms Olivia your amazing I have loved these really make you think blogs and polls and it has given me more insight to how our clients/friends feel and think about their sexual secrets. As I mentioned before I am very up front about my kinks and how I think about sex never have I judged a partner based on their kink. I am happy to work and live in this wonderful kink world with all of you because for many phone sex is their only outlet to express their kinky side. To everyone who commented here and on the poll I am blown away by such thoughtful and insightful responses and I am thrilled your all sharing your sex secrets with all of us.
Hi Ms Constance !! LOL, I’m making you think? That’s quite a compliment because you ARE Intelligent Femdom …. that’s a lil riff on YOUR blog which I also enjoy!!
I think you’re right about getting more insight into what’s going on in the caller’s ‘world’ (real life and phone fantasy) helps US as phone sex Mistresses provide even better service. This, like any situation is all about service. THANK YOU so much for taking your time to write your thoughts….and your compliments….awww, thank you so much 🙂
Hi,
OMG there s so much reading here to catch up on. I want to comment on almost everything here but of course I can’t.
Well the question: “Do YOU think your erotic fantasies need to be “fixed/eliminated” or accepted?”
To be perfectly honest I think we are preaching to the choir. But that’s perfectly okay. 🙂
I will bolt from the herd, but only slightly. If I didn’t live in a world where I could be accepted AND if fixing were even possible, then I would be okay with changing myself and if that would make me into someone else that’s okay.
Now back to reality. I am a bi-sexual M2F transgender. I tried to suppress that almost my whole life. Although I was passing as a male, it caused a lot of pressure. For example I had just posted a blog in EE about nightmares that miraculously went away after I turned transgender.
Bottom line, being true to myself is much healthier. Besides I’ve already spent hundreds on clothes and shoes! 🙂
xxx,
Jenni
Great points Jenni and thank you for your post! I don’t think of you as having erotic fantasies that I’m asking about in that blog post. You really ARE female so your dressing is being who you ARE which is a little different. I LOVED that you shared about your nightmares ended when you accepted being transgender! That is a VERY powerful experience to share! Thank you 🙂
Hi,
I am a little afraid that what I’m going to say can be misinterpreted. I’ve discussed this with Ms Olivia extensively. However I’ll leave out the specifics in here.
This is about being and feeling accepting of other people’s kinks.
The thing is that I feel I am a very open minded and accepting person. Also I absolutely DO NOT judge. It’s just that that there’s a popular and harmless kink I cannot feel comfortable with. I DON’T think anyone is wrong or anything like that! Not at all!
It’s probably due to bad experiences in my past. I’m pretty sure of it. I get very uncomfortable when I think about those things. It even makes me sad to think about other people doing that stuff, even though I fully realize that they enjoy it and no one is harmed!! I even feel guilty about it. Isn’t that weird?
It’s NOT that I think they should not do it. No, not at all! But rather it makes me feel left out of the loop because I try to be more open and accepting, but instead I feel like I created a wall.
Ms Olivia know all the details. 🙂
Of course I’m sure the bottom line is that everyone is different and not everyone has to enjoy everyone else’s kink. It’s all good. 🙂
xxx,
Jenni
Great comment Jenni. Being accepting of what someone else likes is very different from liking it for yourself. It’s like this… pretend you’re at a restaurant and your partner orders food that you don’t like. Say, you can’t stand black olives. Your dinner parter likes black olives. You ask for the black olives taken OFF your salad and your partner says, I’d like the black olives. You don’t have to EAT the black olives just because someone you like eats them. It’s the same thing with kink. Just ignore and/or don’t participate in the stuff that isn’t your thing. Does that example help?