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If you are like most men I talk with on this phone sex line, you’ve probably wondered if you’re a pervert? I know you have, so called, naughty thoughts and fantasies. Do you ever wonder if your kinky fantasies are normal?
What is normal sex?
What do YOU think of as “normal” in terms of erotic pleasure? In the BDSM world of Dominance and submission it is perfectly normal to combine a cock tease and denial session with spanking. In My hot erotic audio about Power Exchange it is very clear that everything is done in a safe, sane and consensual manner for both parties.
So …. are you a pervert?
First, let’s look at the word pervert itself. It came into use in the 1660’s during the Puritan moral movement. The social mores were so strict that the celebration of Christmas was abolished in England because the holiday was thought to be fraught with sensual pleasure. Sex of pretty much any kind was “wrong.” And, sexual pleasure? Tsk tsk. *sigh*
Then 200 years later, along came the Victorian era with the emphasis on sexual restraint. I sometimes wonder if Queen Victoria and Prince Albert had ‘something’ interesting on the down low. LOL
So, that’s where the word pervert came from. When you ask, “Mistress, do you think I’m a pervert?” I always say, look at the context of the word. What we consider vanilla sex today was perversion back then.
Now that you know that …. I’d like to hear from you. Do you worry or think that you are a pervert?
Leave a comment here or just pick up the phone!
Ms Olivia
Hmmmm… I’m going to have to say no. Mostly because I see that word as a derogatory term. While perhaps the technical definition fits anyone with sexual appetites outside of a narrow band deemed “acceptable” by society, I think the functional definition is more akin to a brand placed on those who are afflicted, unable to control, or who are ruled by sexual urges in a manner that is harmful to themselves or others.
Consider what are the stereotypes that come to mind when you say “pervert?” To me at least, it isn’t the image of someone who is merely “kinky” but rather that word drags up images of sex offenders — Peeping Toms and molestors. That crazy guy muttering to himself in the subway that flashes his penis at little old ladies.
For those who wish to reclaim the term and make it one of pride, more power to you… but for me that word is far too steeped in all the negative aspects of the historical periods you describe… the underbelly of Puritanical and Victorian societies.
As to the larger question of what constitutes “normal” sexual appetite, I think that is also something that is major flux in the society. In many ways US culture is living a double life. We still project an image of wholesome, but our media is laced with sexual materials, pornography is a billion dollar industry and has been going more and more mainstream every year. We have polygamy, adultery, teen pregnancy, Hugh Hefner, and even actual Navada brothels as the subjects of TV Reality shows on basic cable.
Homosexuality, while maybe not quite there yet, is rapidly moving beyond discussion as a moral issue and into the arena of civil rights, with issues such as gay marriage being major political points of contention.
I think that even “kink” is going more mainstream in this society, at least in some of its milder forms… But that I believe only underscores my original point. As the society becomes more accepting of at least mild kinkiness, the stuff that gets the pervert label by extension is therefore all the more negative. “Perverts” aren’t people having casual sex, dabbling in bisexuality, or using sex toys — they are pedophile priests and worse.
Well, at least that’s how I see it.
What a well reasoned comment Nicholas …. I hadn’t thought of it that way. YES …. as society at large incorporates much of the trappings that have been lived in more secret sex styles (or simply more hidden from view) then the extremes become….well more extreme. You’re right …. some people are trying to reclaim the word. That’s similar to what the gay male community has done with the words queer and faggot …. but, it’s similar to the N word … something that the community itself uses but if someone outside the community uses it then it retains it’s pejorative connotations. I’m will freely say, I’m a pervert who will fuck you up during a session but if someone in My vanilla world called Me a pervert I’d feel offended even though I used the same term on Myself! LOL
Human beings are strange creatures aren’t we?
You bring up a GREAT point also about pop culture…a long time phone sex caller told Me about a female singer he liked. I clicked on her youtube video and it was full of men in bondage and lots of BDsm imagery. I thought the video and the song was soooo hot and sexy UNTIL I found out that the singer was under the age of 18 when she did it. BLEH! I just can’t get into that…no way! And, now I can’t even listen to the song or the singer without thinking how wildly inappropriate that is.
THANK YOU for leaving such interesting comments 🙂
Hey this is my first post on a Mistress blog and I really connected with what you said Mistress Olivia. I have been into wearing girl clothes since i was about 13 and I have tried to stop before but I cant and I kinda came to realize lately it’s just who I am. On top of that who wants to be normal anyways that sounds boring 😛
Well put cassie !!! I know that a lot of crossdressers and sissies DO try to stop. Hence the purging of all things girlie. sissy cara mentions purging and then having to re-stock your femme wardrobe. (Hey, I should do a blog post about how to recover from crossdressing purges!)
cassie…..do you think that your acceptance also has to do with the maturity that naturally comes with getting older?
Well….maybe the maturity that also comes from reaching that level of acceptance of your erotic desires as part of who you ARE?
THANK YOU so much sweetie for having the courage and taking the time to leave your first blog comment !
hi Mz Olivia,
am i a pervert? – well i used to think so, now i am not so sure. i know i am not alone in my desires to be a submissive slut. Thanks to You i have been able to bring this topic out with my wife. we now explore this side
of ourselves. She has enjoyed becoming a Domme and seeing me become so submissive. Without guidance and understanding we can be lost – there are things i am still nervous about, for instance i would love to be wife’s french maid for a session, but worry she may not like this, but that said this weeekend, she has promised to dress me as a slutty whore.
perversion is in the eye i think, we all like different things, if we are lucky we will find someone who can bring out our secret inner desires.
in times past, telling your wife you wanted to be her whore would not be done! now though i don’t think i am alone.
Without Mistress Olivia thought none of this would be happening xx
so thank You Mistress Oliviaxx
thank YOU …precious lil slut sissy !!!! And you know I call you nasty names in the most supportive way !
I’m THRILLED about your weekend plans. And, that’s a HUGE step for your wife to be willing to dress you up as a sissy whore!
Think about it, there’s NO WAY she would have agreed to do that a couple years ago. I’ve posted the results of the Sex Secrets poll today ….. and you’re in line with a suprising number of men who say they have talked with their partner about this hidden erotic desires and found that once they began the conversation their real life partner was kinkier than they’d previously thought.
That said, panty sue and many others have said…..take the conversation SLOW, check the reaction of the other person…..and also be willing to know when YOUR sex kinks do not turn on your partner and be willing to compromise!
I don’t think that I am a pervert I just happen to enjoy masturbating.
THANK YOU for your comment Forrest. I’ll be doing blogs in the future specifically about masturbation…..
and, just for the record, I am a very strong supporter of lots of masturbation !! Even the stroker boys who are into chastity and orgasm denial love to masturbate…..LOL….sometimes that’s why their dick gets locked up! But, when you’re into that, the erotic pain IS pleasure.
Still, there’s NOTHING like watching a dick being stroked !!!! No wonder why so many straight men fantasize about stroking another man’s dick or sucking cock !!
THANK YOU for participating in the community conversation!
Hi Mistress.
That is a very interesting blog my Mistress as I have never really thought about being a pervert, I have on occassions felt slightly ashamed by my thoughts and desires to serve a beautiful lady and carry out her wishes to the full but never thought that it was perverted in anyway.
Good for you Jonathan !!! Now I don’t think that body worship or serving a beautiful Mistress is at all odd ! LOL But, I’d imagine that some would think anything other than the *presumed* vanilla basic procreative sex is kinky. Would you mind saying more about your desire to serve? I can see some of the servitude or slave fetishes like a human ashtray or human footstool fetish might be considered more extreme levels of sexual service. But, to those who like that it’s totally normal. Which goes back to the point …. normal (safe, sane, consensual) depends on negotiation between the Mistress and her sex toy or the one who is serving the Goddess 🙂
Am i a pervert? The fact is i believe others (MS Olivia) need to deside that. i mean to some extent i am if others see me that way. i mean, 1st thought is that i do like things that are not the norm. But the LDW ladies seem to agree with it so maybe i am not. i do think i am kinky! but really even that needs told to me. But that only makes sense. The LDW ladies are the wise ones after all. Like U say Ms Olivia, perverted is relative right?
Exactly so toy, the word pervert needs to be taken in context of the society that it is used in. Or, what is one person’s sexual perversion is another consensual sex kink. Obviously I’m talking about two consenting adults here! I know for a fact that the LDW Mistresses, like Me, get a big kick out of your struggles, especially when you are in chastity as well. LOL 🙂
Cock control combined with a wicked fun tease and denial session is amazing isn’t it? Now, I know vanilla women who would think it’s cruel to tease and then deny your orgasm …. but if that is your turn on (which it is in your case) then there’s NOTHING wrong with it 🙂
Hello Mistress Olivia, I come from Germany and I am not used to write English.
My strong fetish is TEASE & DENIAL and to be masturbated by the experienced hands of an middle-aged woman. Maybe also by a group of women. Nasty words should accompany my masturbating session. I have to tell all about
my secret visions in front of those women. For example, I have them to tell, how often I get the desire to wank my cock. Also I get a kick from special role plays like an experienced teacher is educating me.. – Nice Greetings, Mark
Hi Mark and thank you so much for commenting *wink* ! I think if someone who didn’t understand the deliciousness of erotic humiliation or CFNM (clothed female, naked man) fetish play it would sound like I’m being HORRIBLE to you. But the very cruelty of the phone sex session IS the enjoyment! And the nasty words uttered by a beautiful Experienced Mistress can get your head spinning…..not to mention what it does to other parts of your body! LOL This is a perfect example of tease and denial that could look mean to the vanilla world but is wicked and hot for US! Now, go wank your cock and report back to Me.
*wink*
Seriously, I’m so glad you think the blog is great; I’m sure enjoying the comments!
Well Mistress Olivia I think age is part of it but alot if it is making peace with yourself. Like you said some people purge some wish they didnt do it so they could fit in easier or didnt have things to hide from their family or significant others. Basically wake up in the morning and be okay with yourself.
Well put Cassie ! And, it’s important to also recognize that CHANGE really is the only constant. And, that’s the case with phone sex callers as well. I’m thinking of one long time caller who got into a serious relationship with a woman and called Me to say, he wasn’t going to be calling anymore. That was a *vanilla caller* and someone who called for realistic relationship advice and friendship along with erotic conversations. When he found that with a real life woman he didn’t feel the need for phone sex as sin management (to use a callers phrase that I really like!) Others calls that I’ve developed relationships with will grow and change in the phone sex sessions themselves …. trying various fantasies, letting Me push their sexual boundaries to see if they like a different fetish, and even taking on different roles in Power Exchange in our conversations. For example, the submissive might enjoy being the Dominant with me as the submissive. I’m a switch so that works out perfectly….I’m more than willing to explore ALL these various scenes.
Thanks cassie for taking your time to write a comment 🙂
Ms,
I know im chiming in a little late in the covo and most of what i have to say has probably already been said but…
for me it has been a real struggle. Esp coming from conservative family. I cant tell you about the amount of clothes i’ve tossed in an effort to be ‘normal’
The hard part is when you have strong religious beliefs and still have this…draw, this desire that you cant just leave behind. It’s been a real uphill battle. What is the balance between faith and fetish???
WOW abby I’m SO GLAD you wrote your comment. Faith and fetish is a great blog topic and I think it’s one that will really strike a chord so look for it in the future. Now, directly to your comment here. Let’s look at what is normal. In SOME cultures crossdressing is normal. Native American culture, for example, has a third gender which the the combination of male female. And it is accepted inside of Native American cultural spirituality. You mention that you come from a conservative family. I can tell you for a FACT that many of My phone sex calls come from people who are politically conservative or members of strong faith communities who call phone sex because they need to experience what they need to experience. With crossdressers in particular, there is a whole culture and trauma around purging …. getting rid of the women’s clothes, etc in order to avoid dressing in femme. As other posters have said, it generally doesn’t work AND it smashes down what make YOU the unique you that you are….whether you are a in feminine mode or masculine mode. It’s like saying a huge part of your psyche or soul isn’t ‘right’ and needs to be abolished. Now, I’ve read a fair amount of spiritual and religious texts and I think the hallmark of most spiritual practices is compassion, love, care, generosity of spirit, that sort of thing. Unfortunately, like you bring up … that often doesn’t get translated into practice inside a judgmental religious environment.
I’ve got a question for you …. how do you recover when you purge all your cross dressing and femme items? What do YOU do? I’m looking for how you handle the purging and recovery in terms of your emotional health and wellbeing.
Thank you SO much for writing sweetie 🙂
Oh and ps …. I have some great shopping tips that might help make recovery from CD purging a little less expensive!
Hi MsOlivia! Wonderful post (as always)! Do I consider myself a pervert? Yes, yes I do. And not in a pejorative way either. I do think some of us are wired a bit differently. Doesn’t make us bad people or anything like that. We just see things differently. I like to think of it as a gift. I’ve made it no secret that I find women’s feet to be sexy? No idea why, but again, I see it as a gift. I see something in a way that not everyone gets to see. So while being a pervert is not something I go around advertising in most circles, I am not ashamed of it.
Hey magnus! You ALWAYS get Me thinking 🙂 I’ve talked about the gift of submission ….. but I never thought of foot worship as a gift of seeing things a new way ! WOW! Thank you for taking your time to comment and pointing that out. YES!! Some people see feet simply as feet …. but there are soooooooo many erotic pleasures associated with being on the receiving end of a delicious session of foot worship. And, then it also feeds into the Dominance submission when the foot worshiper (you) are on your knees in front of Me. I love to be seated…..often wearing sexy high heels, thigh high stocking and a chic business suit with a short skirt. That particular scene also brings in CFNM (clothed Female, naked man) and all the submissive aspects of his role in the play. And…..can I just say that one of MY particular enjoyments with My own foot fetish is wrapping the soles of My feet around a hard cock and then masturbating him …. even getting into coached cum eating when he comes on My toes and feet. This sort of thing triggers ALL My sexual buttons ! The Dominance / submission, the body worship, the CFNM, and more 🙂 PLUS being able to talk about sensual topics makes the intimacy between two people that much more intense.
Like you magnus, I consider Myself a pervert in a good way and refuse to let others define Me as less than I know Myself to be.
THANK YOU for contributing to the community conversation 🙂
You’re very welcome, MsOlivia! And might I say that I think you just pushed all of my buttons at once there. Happy place, here I cum…err.. come. 😉
*snicker* magnus ….. while I’m intelligent and obviously wordy I can get right to the point too ! LOL
I could SEE that foot fetish fantasy and simply typed what I was fantasizing 🙂
ENJOY My friend 🙂
Well, I could see it as well, MsOlivia, since that fantasy pretty much sits where my mind goes. Power exchange, feet, and CFNM. And yes, I am enjoying. 🙂
And also in all seriousness (not that I wasn’t serious before), I love the intelligence and wordiness as well. Very much so.
awwww, thank you magnus. You KNOW I love the wordplay. The free erotic audio sample on My bio page like VoxErotic and Cock Control talking about wordplay gives callers that they’re getting someone who LOVES language! LOL And language combined with erotic and sensual pleasure……well, it makes My toes curl in a good way. *wink*
Ms,
I look forward to your faith and fetish blog…its still one that I wrestle with.
As far as recovery…Budgets make it hard. I’ve had several items that i havent had the money to replace. Things like maid’s dresses and make up are costly.
Usually, it a little here and a little there.
Dear abby…..I’ve got several blogs scheduled before I can get to the Crossdressers: Recovery from Purging blog post so I’m going to leave you some tips right here 🙂 You’re right makeup can be very expensive! I really do recommend a particular foundation for a genetic man who wants to wear full makeup. Mac Makeup studio fix pressed powder gives you a LOT of coverage, especially f you have any amount of facial hair (even after shaving for sissies). The studio fix gives you a really nice smooth matte finish and the look of soft feminine skin without getting thick or greasy. Mac makeup is one of the mainstays for crossdressers, tranny’s and drag queens. BUT, mac makeup is expensive. Studio fix pressed powder runs about $25. Personally I think it’s worth it to get the best foundation, then you can go less expensive on top of that and you will still look great. Have you discovered wet n wild makeup? It’s in the drug store. Look on the ends of the free standing makeup displays in the makeup section. It’s inexpensive … everything used to be $1 each. That has gone up but for something like $10 you can get blush, contour, lipstick, eye liner and mascara. You may want eyeshow but you CAN use the contour and blush combined with the eyeliner to get some nice shading. That’s one idea for replacing your full femme makeup for about $40 – $50. It’s not the ideal situation but it IS better than dropping several hundred dollars on makeup as you sissy urges come back….and they do come back, don’t they?
One thing that has really been emphasized on this thread, the thread on sex secrets and from my phone sex callers is that when a fetish, erotic desire, lifestyle femme expressions, or whatever you want to call it … it doesn’t just ‘go away.’
THANK YOU for participating abby and tell Me if those makeup replacement tips help you 🙂
Personally I think I am a pervert but I am totally proud to be one. To me people have too many sexual hangups and insist on rules or boundaries. For me personally, the wilder the better. For others I think you can’t knock other people’s interests or sexual turn ons because you are not them. People are often too judgemental. I think sex is alot better when the freak in you comes out. There are more people than not that are out there that I think you could call a pervert. Most people out there think like a pervert, but they are just hush hush about it. They don’t want their secret to get out. I’m all for being a pervert. It’s the cool way to be these days!
@ juicedup4Life ….. I too find that My sex life is WAAAAAYYYYY hotter when My inner freak comes out! Even though I had My first lesbian experience in college I have been slow to admit to and explore the other aspects of my kinky erotic desires. The Domme side….the submissive side …. I’m a D/s switch. I like men, women, bodies, sensations, tastes, different scenes, and styles. I loved learning about Tantric sex. BDsm sex. It was a HUGE turn on when I got My first flogger and My first set of vampire gloves and nipple clamps. Ummmmmm.
AND, all this exploration while still loving good old vanilla sex and snuggly cuddling. I’ve seen SOME of the judgment that you mention from the kink community towards vanilla. But WAY MORE from the vanilla community to the fetish or kink community.
And, based on MY experience with phone sex I can tell you that you are so right. LOL The vast majority of people have this secret hidden sex life and erotic desires they criticize in others.
THANK YOU so much for taking your time to read and post a comment. NOW I can see why you’re *juiced* LOL
Oh I am definately Juiced. I’m even more juiced now that I see we share the same thoughts and opinions. I have found in my personal sex life that women love the way I am. Some are a little surprised and overwhelmed at first, but they are very curious and admire my try anything once attitude. Then once I show my eagerness to explore, and make them feel comfortable, followed by my wild sex appeal, they are usually excited to explore new things. Perverted things to some people. It’s all about comfort zone. You can’t force things on some, you have to go slow and be patient. So all you fellas out there that wanna get your girl to try new amazing, kinky and perverted things take my advice. Go slow, be patient, make her feel comfortable, and communicate. Those are the keys.
This weekend I was a pervert in the privacy of my own home. After shopping for panties and pantyhose, I spent the afternoon rubbing (not stroking) my constrained cock for my Mistress. This was my first time in them and it was so hot. The hottest day of my life.
Hi w and thanks for writing. So I’ve got a question for you. If you’re in the privacy of your own home when you’re wearing the panties and pantyhose and stroking your cock…..are you still a pervert? If no one can see and you’re not infringing on anyone else IS it perverted? Or….are you using the term pervert in a good way?
Was that your first time feeling your cock in pantyhose? That is an amazing sensation!
Thanks for writing and I look forward to hearing from you again!
In a good way, Ms.Olivia, my play did not infringe on any unwilling persons. It was my first time in the pantyhose, Mistress, and I can’t believe how much I loved it.
@ w …. if you like the FEEL of pantyhose and that tight feeling of your cock in pantyhose then get more pantyhose! 🙂 You might also like the FEEL of tights … less silky than panty hose but tighter. Oh and something many men who like panties really enjoy is lacy foxers … I don’t want to link to them from a phone sex blog (LOL) but just do a google search on foxers boxers. Ohhhhhhh! The lace is nice and tight but not scratchy on a man’s dick. I’d love to hear what you …. errrmmmm….. think! 🙂
I definately consider myself a pervert but I don’t view this as a negative thing. It all depends. Vanilla is boring and lacks any psychological excitement. The only way I could enjoy physical vanilla sex is if there is some emotional or psychological content behind the “aggressive” sex. Men who just want to nail a girl are just too stupid for me. I love a woman’s mind as well as her body. I want to feel her psychological aggression or power. I want her “negative attention” if you will. To be toyed by with a beautiful woman is a wonderful thing.
So all intelligent sex, then is perverted, but that doesn’t mean that all perverted sex is intelligent, not by a long shot. But for any meaningful sexual experience there is always a power transfer and this power transfer becomes more nuanced the more intelligent and sensitive you are. If you don’t care what a beautiful intelligent woman thinks and feels you will never experience her.
@ girlsrmean THANKS for finding My blog and taking your time to leave a comment! I had to laugh at your characterization of vanilla sex as boring. If I faced ONLY vanilla for the rest of My life…..pffffttttt. NO WAY!
Now, on the opposite side, if I were only to experience fetish sex then that too would pale in enjoyment. Personally, I like the MIX.
It’s like spicy food …. wouldn’t want it for EVERY meal but I love it!
I agree with you….that it is delicious to experience Power Exchange or what you called the power transfer. As the Domme Top I can *feel* the rush of …..wow, it feels like electricity and to a great extent that is exactly what it is. It’s the power from one to another as the Dominant tops the submissive bottom. Just like the submissive gets into sub space, I (as the Domme Mistress) get into My own top space. AMAZING !
AND, for the power exchange to work, both the Dominant and the submissive must come to an agreement about the scene and the play. So, just like everything else in life….it works better if both are in agreement about needs, wants and limits.
Thank you for taking your time to write 🙂