I just had a call with a favorite submissive of mine. He asked about my personal fetish journey and wanted to know how I handled any doubts and concerns about fetishes. He inspired this blog post and I think his question is valid, especially about whether I had doubts about some of my extra wicked, naughty play. You might know that I explore, read and learn about things that interest me. It’s appropriate that I read a lot on the way to becoming the Experienced Mistress.
Curious about CBT
I’ll admit that CBT, pain play and chastity gave me pause at first. There is a very strong stereotype that appropriate sex always ends with the man’s orgasm – his pleasure is in the orgasm. I’m not immune to cultural stereotypes so when I first began to have an inkling that I might be curious about orgasm denial and chastity I was sort of shocked. BUT I found there is so much fun in cock locking and CBT! It really is the ultimate in power exchange. This was part of my personal fetish exploration into being a mean and strict Mistress.
BDsm is an inside job
For my own personal journey as a Femdom Mistress who enjoys pain play I had to get VERY clear about myself long before I could (or would) play with others. At first I did have doubts about pain play. I questioned by I was curious about “hurting’ someone else because that is the polar opposite of who I know myself to be. And, part of my BDsm journey is an exploration of who I know myself to be. Any personal fetish exploration is a journey inside your own self. This is one of the things that appeals to me about kink and fetish play.
Anger is not BDsm
A scene might be played with an anger theme but trust me on this one, you don’t want to play with someone who will “take her bad day” out on your back, butt or balls. It’s the wrong internal motivation. Mean is NOT power exchange. Being a victim is NOT being submissive. I had to sort all this out internally during my own kink journey.
I’d like to hear from you, what have you learned about YOURSELF on your own kink and fetish journey?