Origins of my personal fetish exploration
I just had a call with a favorite submissive of mine. He asked about my personal fetish journey and wanted to know how I handled any doubts and concerns about fetishes. He inspired this blog post and I think his question is valid, especially about whether I had doubts about some of my extra wicked, naughty play. You might know that I explore, read and learn about things that interest me. It’s appropriate that I read a lot on the way to becoming the Experienced Mistress.
Curious about CBT
I’ll admit that CBT, pain play and chastity gave me pause at first. There is a very strong stereotype that appropriate sex always ends with the man’s orgasm – his pleasure is in the orgasm. I’m not immune to cultural stereotypes so when I first began to have an inkling that I might be curious about orgasm denial and chastity I was sort of shocked. BUT I found there is so much fun in cock locking and CBT! It really is the ultimate in power exchange. This was part of my personal fetish exploration into being a mean and strict Mistress.
BDsm is an inside job
For my own personal journey as a Femdom Mistress who enjoys pain play I had to get VERY clear about myself long before I could (or would) play with others. At first I did have doubts about pain play. I questioned by I was curious about “hurting’ someone else because that is the polar opposite of who I know myself to be. And, part of my BDsm journey is an exploration of who I know myself to be. Any personal fetish exploration is a journey inside your own self. This is one of the things that appeals to me about kink and fetish play.
Anger is not BDsm
A scene might be played with an anger theme but trust me on this one, you don’t want to play with someone who will “take her bad day” out on your back, butt or balls. It’s the wrong internal motivation. Mean is NOT power exchange. Being a victim is NOT being submissive. I had to sort all this out internally during my own kink journey.
I’d like to hear from you, what have you learned about YOURSELF on your own kink and fetish journey?
Fantastically insight post, Ms. Olivia! I think anyone interested in BDSM can benefit from an introspective journey into their own wants and the origins of their desires. BDSM, both light and heavy, is laden with lots of social meaning, expectations, and even stigma, so it’s critical to constantly reevaluate our own thoughts and orientations toward kink. I think safe, happy play starts with the mind, so some internally sorting is very important.
Spoken like a real life kinkster Ms Marlena! All the outer stuff is just the kinky actions that we do and like … it’s the inside stuff that gives meaning and significance to the kinky actions.
Hi MsOlivia. Mind if I stare at the pic you put up for this post for a bit? Ahhhh
Ok I’m back. 😉 And I did have a question. Sometimes your hear that a particular Domme started out Her journey as a sub. I rather like that since that gives Her a better understanding of what goes through the submissive’s mind. What are Your thoughts on that? Do You ever try things out Yourself to know how they feel. Obviously CBT might be hard to do. LOL
Hey magnus! That’s a great question. Actually I’m going to answer it in the next post 🙂 LOVE your comments …. you, ahem, inspire me … just like that photo … ahem …. inspired you! ~laughs~
Dear Ms. Olivia,
Great and highly interesting read!
I find that the submissive role creates a much needed contrast to being in charge and making decisions all day during my work hours.
Also I enjoy finding ever new and better ways to reach sexual fulfillment,- and do still believe in trying almost everything at least once,- after all if you haven’t tried it …..
I am in my submissive role very visual oriented,- that is more or less the only thing that have stayed a constant,- e.g. anal play was not a turn-on for me until I (after several years) felt my prostate, but now I find it highly enjoyable.
I believe the the role of the submissive is a newer ending journey into the unknown,- and I must say I sure do enjoy the ride!
Thanks MG! That’s a great point …. sometimes the turnoff becomes the turn ON …. that’s one of the points about playing with someone who has experience with BDsm and kink. That experienced person can sort of stretch the boundaries a bit …. not go racing over a hard limit but just kind of nudge to see if a limit is actually a hard limit. 🙂
MS Olivia- I completely understand how you would be taken aback by finding pleasure in something that doesn’t fit into the particular cubbyhole you believe your arousal and sexuality should fill. I was actually coaxed to push harder by a very aroused sub and was (and still sort of am!) blown away by how much I enjoyed his pain- not just on an emotional level, but also gauged by my physical response and arousal. Being surrounded by more experienced ladies such as yourself has had such a positive impact on where I am today. Even being a more experienced Mistress now, I feel like we are always on a continual journey of discovery. Thank you for sharing your story!
Thanks Ms Stephanie! Loved reading about your own experiences!
Hi, I’ve called you in the past. My particular inclination is to be overwhelmed by my Mistresses’ beauty, so much so that I worship her body, especially her butt. Then I offer my butt to her as a sacrifice to her pleasure, usually a spanking followed by strap-on play.
I believe I’m ready to move on, but where?
What would you recommend?
I love spankings and strap on play! Of course, having you thoroughly worship my lovely ass is delightful as well. Where to go next? Hmmmm … so many options!
Dear Mistress Olivia,
CBT? Oh! Yes! I am not only into orgasm denial, but I am also a connoisseur for CBT. Part of the disciplining, which I receive involves having my testicles spanked. This happens with my in-person mistresses, where I am bound, and this can involve more sensuous forms (lighter swats) and punishment (harder strokes). I am now exploring an area of my sexuality involving CBT with some of the LDW mistresses, which involves the spanking of my testicles mixed in with guided masturbation. The implements used are a fly swatter, a short leather strap, a short twig, a ruler, and a wooden spoon. Those sessions have always ended in orgasm denial. Even though my scrotum and testicles may feel a little sore for a couple of days, I do enjoy the associated pleasurable sensations and the ultimate in female domination.
Thank you for this post!
Thanks for pointing out that CBT can be anything from sensual guided masturbation with a zing … all the way to some very intense pain play! BTW, you ARE quite the pain slut and we adore you for that!