One of the most common concerns for many men who call phone sex is a worry that I (or anyone) will find you or your sexual fantasy ‘creepy.’
At first, I laughed because, after all, I am a phone sex Mistress …. so, logically if I find you creepy then I am equally creepy simply because I am the provider of phone sex.
What IS creepy?
So, let’s talk about the whole nature of being sexually ‘creepy.’ Do you worry that your sexual desire for a sexually Dominant woman to control your cock and orgasm is outside of the so called sexual norm? Do you wonder if a woman thinks that a man in lingerie is odd? Are you worried that thinking about being a man sucking cock makes you someone you don’t ‘want’ to be? In short, do YOU wonder if I think you (or your particular erotic fantasies) are creepy?
I could ask you the same question. Do you find Me to be a ‘bad person’ because I do phone sex that caters to all the sexual fantasies that I’ve described.
If you’re ‘creepy’ then I’m an above average slut!
Short (and serious) answer, I am not a creep, a (bad) slut or a (bad) pervert. And, neither are you! Your sexual fantasy is not bad or even outside the norm. What turns you on is what turns you on. End of story. That’s the reality of the physical chemistry of arousal. Now, let’s talk about the reality of linguistics.
I’ve done blog posts about handling your sex secrets. I’ve done blog posts about reclaiming the word pervert in a self sex positive way. If you’re familiar with My blog, then you can probably see where My thoughts will go on this topic but, let’s go deeper and that means asking questions.
I came across a blog called ‘the good men project’ and one post asked the question “Why do we demonize men who are honest about their sexual needs?’
It’s pretty much a Catch 22 situation for you guys, isn’t it? You’re expected to initiate the sex, but not be tooooooo aggressive. Expected to be ‘attentive’ to the woman, but not toooooooo submissive. Encouraged to tell your partner what you want sexually but what if that includes fantasies with bi sexual themes like strapon play or cock sucking?
Where have you been caught in a Catch 22 with your sexual and erotic desires? And, what have you done as a solution? Can you please tell Me?
As usual, well written entry. Though I must disagree that strapon play is bisexual. I am not sure how having a woman wearing a strapon, with her long hair and breasts in your face makes it bisexual. To me bisexuality has more to do with who does it to you, rather than what they do to you.
@ pchplayer ….. you are SO RIGHT and thank you for taking your time to post that comment!
I *know* stapon play doesn’t mean anything about a man’s sexual preference and I simply didn’t take the time to say that! THANK YOU for making the clarification!
I also want to say that what you fantasize about or even DO on a phone sex call doesn’t *say* anything about sexual preference because sometimes it’s just the naughty and forbidden that’s the appeal. And, that can be VERY appealing, don’t you think?
Creepy? In the immortal words of Mayor Shinn’s daughter in The Music Man: “YE GODS!”
Maybe its because i’ve reached a certain age with certain experiences, but i will not have the intellectual, ecumenical, or (in some cases) genetic heirs to and brethren of “shepherds,” who have diddled children, routinely impregnated nuns & members of their flock, elevated at least one bastard son of an archbishop to the papacy, dictate to me what’s creepy. while a spiritual free agent, i subscribe heavily to the Wiccan variant of the Golden Rule of “Harm none.”
Creepy to me is to proclaim “chastity” as the cure for all the worlds ills, instead of an inspiring choice under controlled circumstances.
Creepy to me is proclaiming dominion over the earth, while despoiling it nearly beyond redemption….& then expecting the Rapture to take ’em to a better place.
Creepy to me is trying to dictate what is permissible between consenting adults, be it in person, over the phone, or via any other sort of electronic medium.
No one can dictate how the brain’s synapses are going to fire or why. And as long as no innocent bystanders are harmed, no one should even try!
FANTASTIC rant coffeeboy !!!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you !
oh and did I say THANK YOU?
so i take it W/we’re of one mind on this subject….with Your’s as the Dominant lobe, of course. 😉
LOL ….. love that coffeeboy …. is there a Dominant lobe without the submissive? THAT is the whole brain, any part that goes missing leaves an inability to think or enjoy the fullness of life. *wink* I can’t say I HAVE to be the Domme because I am a switch in real life and phone sex but, with YOU (pet) I would be the Domme.
pet! of all the words that can stir the submissive soul, Ms. Olivia, that is one of the simplest, yet most evocative. Thank You!
You, as a switch, caused me to think that dominant & submissive character is somewhat akin to the pH scale in chemistry. there are some that are strong to weak acids, others that are strong to weak bases. pure water, much like a switch, can act as both, based on circumstance. and circumstance carries the day in other regards. interpersonally, i’m a submissive. yet, within my profession, i am often required to be dominant. for me to do that effectively, i feel it necessary to be more knowledgeable than the next, sufficiently so that i am attuned to and can stay ahead of changing circumstance & be decisive doing so.
*wink* …. yes pet coffeeboy, I do tend to think of submissive’s more in a sensual, nurturing way in general (although, it certainly depends on the scene in real life or phone sex).
As you know I love the science imagery! Chemically I would describe myself as you did but I think My resting set point is more sensual Dominant than even *switch*. Still I like to mix it up and sometimes (often) when a new element (pun intended) is added, the whole mixture can take on entirely new ….. ahem …. life!
and i’m sure the reactions are inevitably…..exothermic! 😉
LOL at coffeeboy! 🙂
A nice healthy dose of reality, I love your honestly and ability to cut through the BS, Ms Olivia.
Oh and yes you are definitely bad for going along with all of these creepy fantasies. Can I give you your spanking, right after you give me mine? LOL
*blinks* and *sits upright* !!!
(I am a BDsm switch, in real life not just on phone sex calls).
*hands wellspanked a lovely spanking implement and presents my lovely butt ….”Well, Sir, if You must then, obviously, you must.”
PS …. Seriously, thank you! I’m a fan of a healthy dose of reality and have little (or no) tolerance for BS. It’s hard to have safe, sane and consensual exchanges of any kind with BS floating around the play space! Now, bend over you naughty man! *wink*
wow…an image I can carry around all day!!!!
As for your question. Yes, you describe it very well. I had certainly fallen into the trap of: “is that good?”, “do you like that?”, “tell me what you want me to do.” etc etc. And lovemaking became bland. I think one of the reasons is how men and women are wired. For a man, I think the pleasure comes more from the sensation we we naturally want to ask if I touch here, like this, is that better than this other thing. For a women, in my experience, it’s about the (I’m not realy sure) the intent, atmospere, emotion? So, again my experience, I see her get much more turned on when I act in a way that arouses her, rather than touch her in a way that arouses her. It’s certainly a lot of both, but the first part really plays in.
So I know that if I am more aggressive, if I initiate, if I touch her where and how I want to and I get really turned on, it turns her on.
OMG wellspanked …… I’m a MAN! I ask all those ‘man questions’ about pleasure and sensation. LOL
The other day I was telling My guy that I needed to use his dick and balls to check out a bunch of new masturbation technique to see how they feel …. he gave Me the strangest look and said, ummmmm okay. LOL I’m going to ask him what he thought about Me asking to use his dick and balls for My *experiments* ~laughs~
Seriously, I actually AM more into the sensations than the atmosphere/emotion/intent. But, then again, that’s on a scale….I am probably a bit more *male* in how I approach sex and that certainly helps Me understand and connect on phone sex calls with men. I will say, that you’re right on target with the turn on stuff though ….. it is a HUGE turn on for me/Me to know that My partner is getting really turned on! I think is genderless though!
THANK YOU for posing your comments! *wink* I’m always glad to give you images to …. ahem …. carry around all day!
MsOlivia, I tend to think You’ve probably heard just about every major sexual fantasy there is by now. I highly doubt You’d find very many things creepy. I’m pretty sure I could tell You how I enjoy having sex with beer cans (domestic, not imported, I mean come on…) under a full moon while singing the words to La Boheme and You wouldn’t bat an eye. Equally, I don’t talk with creepy people myself and You’re far from creepy. I could use many adjectives to describe You and creepy would not be one of them. Intelligent, quirky, deep, insightful, I could go on.
Anyway though You’re You but You’re not the rest of the world, and I do think that some people might think those of us of the fetishist persuasion as creepy. Case in point, I saw a FB comment from someone I know on a female’s picture who was showing off her pedicure and reveling in the warmer weather. That someone I know specifically said he didn’t want her to think he had a foot fetish. I’ve no idea what she would have thought if he had said that, but it is for reasons like that that I keep what I like to myself in most situations (and am quite happy that there are other situations like this where I need not hide it). Most people do not understand and so I can keep quiet about it.
As for a catch 22, for me personally not so much since I do have sexual encounters where I can enjoy a partner’s feet and she knows it, so in that I am lucky.
@ magnus …. Let’s see: sex with domestic beer cans, under a full moon, while singing from La Boheme.
Do I know about the chainmail? If so….I’m using the pop tops of the beer cans there.
Do I know about the foot fetish? If so…..I’m pouring the domestic beer on My toes and urging you to lick and suck off the beer.
If I don’t know anything about you ….. I begin to ask questions.
Based on what I DO know (I am the Experienced Mistress for a reason!)
Domestic beer: alcohol (lower inhibitions, drinking, licking) — domestic (mother figure, sensual, strong, maybe cruel intentionally or unintentionally).
The full moon — associated with the Female (high energy point of the lunar cycle — fertility), Goddess creative power — cycles bring to mind the female fertility cycle. Also full moon — light upon darkness, female light upon *darkness* of men?
La Boheme — again, Life themes …. struggle for security, desire for woman, love lost (hope, betrayal, redemption, loss) — if you’re singing, which part are you singing and when? Full of hope? Or, full of despair?
From that free association, I would ask questions and see what got a *gasp* or change in your breathing, voice pitch or tenor, listen to the content of what you say ….. and then begin to describe a fantasy (changing it depending on what I *hear* resonates) with you.
Nope, that fantasy makes perfect SENSE to Me and it’s not at all creepy…..in fact, I’ll use some of the imagery in phone sex calls! LOL
Oh wow, I LOVE this work!
Is it just me or did everyone else find it uncomfortable to sit after You wrote the part about licking beer off of Your toes? 😉
Very interesting free association, MsOlivia! Brava!
LOL @ magnus ….. howza doin’ NOW buddy boy? *wink*
You’re just so much fun to *flirt* with I can’t help Myself!
Much of the intuitive part of phone sex I do in that sort of free association. Y’all know that I read and think and I sort of store up all kinds of information ….. then, I’ve always had the ability to see patters and creative expressions that are unique. The ability to do this as a career (and have this amazing community to do it in) continues to make Me alternate between being humble, grateful, joyous and, of course, wicked!
As usual a well thought out and provocative post. While I know many of my kinks or fantasies would not be generally accepted and would be viewed as ‘creepy’ by many, I don’t feel that way myself. As long as they are mutually enjoyed and no one is hurt I see nothing wrong in enjoying them or in being submissive. But having said that………..I don’t tell everyone I know what floats my boat! lol
Why THANK YOU Mike! *nods* Yep, trying to convert someone to love My kinks, quirks or even My career in phone sex is like walking into a fan blade. I’ve got the option to do it…..but….why would I want to?
THANK YOU for posting a comment!
“oh fuck me” has been called! (I just called it!)
LOL tommie! I have to ask…….what are you talking about? The ‘oh fuck me’ being called? I’m so curious!
…your exchange with wellspanked, among other things, MsO!
OH !! tommie……you’ve inspired a blog post that’s an IM with My guy about all this……LOL
Hi. When a man asks You if You think they’re ‘creepy’, aren’t they really asking if they’re fantasy goes beyond Your own personal boundaries – rather than a question of social norms? I could be totally wrong.
At any rate, the way You place the question as a discussion topic is far more interesting and useful than the above interpretation.
On another note: As a bi-sexual (and transgender), sex with women is fairly conventional although it’s often quasi-lesbian. However with men, it inevitably involves anal sex. However that is illegal in my state. I rarely have sex with men, but when I do it typically involves breaking the sodomy law. To me it is a bad law but it is still the law. (To me it’s rather like to many other people whether marijuana should be legalized but they don’t wait for the law to change, they’ll just smoke it anyway.) Does the anal sex (sodomy) make me creepy? I think it’s a matter of individual perspective with no absolutes.
You’re so right Jenni….it’s according to the individual. I’ve had very vanilla and sedate calls where I got the “creepy” question simply because they were calling phone sex! So, it more depends on the person rather than the fantasy. Most people (here) are totally cool with anal sex even if it’s not a personal fetish or erotic turn on.