Why pay for sex

There’s a lot of free sex available.  You can jack off to all sorts of free porn clips or photos on the internet.  There are dating and casual hook up sites galore!  There are online communities devoted to fantasy relationships.  Even the adult sex industry has free samples so you don’t always have to pay for sex.

Lots of free sex

We have a plethora of free erotic audio sites for just about everyone.  Tease mania is for cock tease and denial.  Get Girlie is for sissies and feminization audios.  We have fetish assignment sites like humiliation boot camp which has a combo of the written erotic humiliation assignment and a free erotic audio clip.  If you have a happy ending with the free stuff that’s GREAT!  Enjoy!  If you want more, that’s fine too *wink*.

What you pay for with a professional

First and foremost, you pay for My time, experience, expertise and creativity.  If you want My undivided attention and/or individual sex scene creation (participation) that is considered a session.  Think of it this way.  When you’re looking for a new car, you go to a car dealership and they generally offer you a test drive.  You might have a really FUN test drive but you know better than to ask for the car for the weekend or personalize it with a bumper sticker.

With sex that line can blur.  Sex is something that you can get *for free* inside of a non-paid relationship.  But, as you’ll see in the following IM chat, there are certain disadvantages to exploring your erotic interests in a dating (non professional) venue.  You get the advantages of not paying for sex but you generally don’t get BOTH (free AND professional) at the same time.  Again, I’m not advocating anything in particular.  What you want depends on you.  I’m making the distinction between undivided attention from a professional and all the *stuff* that goes along with dating someone who is an amateur.

The bottom line is that there is a boundary when the exchange is with a professional.  That boundary protects YOU from all sorts of risks and entanglements that come with personal relationships that are outside of the arena of paid companionship.  Which brings Me to the continuation of the IM Chat with the man about whether he should explore his Femdom fantasies in real life with with a Pro Domme, an escort or with a woman who is an unpaid player in the fetish sex scene (or, in My words, an amateur).

The IM chat continues with talk about unpaid fetish sex

Ms Olivia:  Now, about amateurs …. that’s a GREAT question.

Man:  *listening*

Ms Olivia:  Who does your taxes?  You, a friend, or a tax professional?

Man:  tax professional  (used to be me, then it got a little more complicated with some business ventures lol)

Ms Olivia:  *nods*  So…….would you want a lover to do your taxes?  Let’s say she is a new lover or romantic interest who actually IS a tax professional and offers to do your taxes for free.

Man:  probably not

Ms Olivia:  I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this……

Man:  yes

Ms Olivia:  What are the PROS of a professional ……. what are the CONS of an amateur or someone you’re in a relationship with?  Can you list a couple?

Man:  PROS: “Familiarity” versus escort; personal relationship; “presumably” safer; not a “sex worker” per se.  CONS: New friends aren’t that familiar, and familiar doesn’t mean you want to show your “kinky” sides; may be interested but inexperienced; may not be as receptive to you afterward.

With escort – secrets are secrets (more generally, though we both know there are exceptions) but with a personal lover, more risk if you are trying to explore discreetly (at least potentially).  If things go wrong, will that secret be kept moving forward?  How are those?

Ms Olivia:  PERFECT.  Couldn’t have said it better!  Actually sex workers tend to be *safer* for a variety of reasons.  If she is smart she practices safer sex ….. and you probably wouldn’t go to a cheap/dumb one.  Many people shy away from safer sex and honest conversations about STD’s in real life or dating relationships.  And, if you’re smart you won’t assume that your potential partner is STD free just because she isn’t in the sex biz … that’s unrealistic.

Man:  very true

Ms Olivia:   AND if She has legit Domme experience She knows how to practice safe domination.  The penis and balls, for example, can get hurt VERY EASILY…….which is not something you want to risk.

Man:  *nods*

Ms Olivia:  CBT and pain play are great fun to play with but only if you know what you’re doing.  Even something as *simple* as flogging and spanking can be dangerous.  One powerful swat that hits you on your kidneys and you’re looking at trouble.  Possibly an emergency room visit.

Man:  wow

Ms Olivia:  So, unless you have a medical fantasy AND good insurance there are risks to consider in real life with someone who doesn’t know what She’s doing.  Let Me briefly touch on the issue of amateurs in the area of romance and relationships.

Man:  ok

Ms Olivia:  I did a blog post about sharing your sex secrets with a partner.  In general, the consensus was that if you’ve got a new romantic partner and the erotic desires are very important to you … then share them (cautiously).  In your case, and I know you to a certain extent…..

Man:  heh, true

Ms Olivia:  I’d say (with you), share with a kinky woman.  Feel HER out.

Man:  nods

Ms Olivia:  Because you probably don’t want to go *back* to vanilla sex, right?

Man:  *nods* Vanilla has it’s occasional place, but you are absolutely correct

Ms Olivia:  *nods*  Okay…..so you’re for sure looking for someone in real life who is open minded.  NOW……..whether her sex kinks as yours match up is a different story.

Man:  lol true

Ms Olivia:  MOST women who are kinky in real life are submissive.  There are fewer natural Femdoms or, like me, women who are a switch.   ALSO, with amateurs…..or relationships you have all the stuff that goes with relationships……ie emotional baggage that you don’t get with a professional.  Does that make sense?  I’m getting a call.

This was a long call so it’s also a natural break in posting the final part (that I’m making public) of our IM Chat.  You’ll see that after the weekend (with My guy – *wink*).  I’d like to hear from you.  What are your reactions to what you’ve read?  Does this make you think differently about anything?  Stir up emotions in you?  What?  As always, I respond and answer each of your comments.

THANK YOU again for all your comments about these IM Chat blog posts and, thank you most of all to the generosity of the men who are willing to let Me post these IM chats – real men, real questions, real issues.  I love this!  🙂

Ms Olivia