What does it mean to be the submissive in a Dominant/submissive relationship? CLICK HERE to hear the audio of this blog post. For some, it’s expressed as cock control, where the control of your sex organs are handed over to Mistress. For other people, the actions can include any level of erotic pain play like spanking. No matter what the actions are, the psychology is erotic submission.
Submissive Partner in a D/s Relationship
What is it to be the submissive partner in a D/s relationship? Like most things in our world I think the answer is, it depends. And I’m not saying that simply because it’s easy to hedge conversational bets and not piss anyone off by avoiding opinions. I have opinions, I express them. Most times those opinions come with wordy comments so I like the posts to be more about what YOU think.
What is erotic submission?
I’ll get you started with a couple of comments. The first is from magnus:
“…submission is what one makes of it. For me, it’s a giving of one self for another’s pleasure.”
I love that definition, it’s short and simple AND it doesn’t tell the whole story (and you know magnus wrote more! LOL He’s like Me! You’ll see more of his comments in other posts!)
What does submission say about you who submit?
Alice Wonder says she believes she has a submissive nature so this is an expression of who she is:
“It is something I enjoy giving to a dominant woman, but I would like to emphasize the word give. In role play my submission is something a dominant woman can demand of me, but only because I have already given it to her. My submission is a gift I enjoy giving to a dominant woman who enjoys receiving it. If she doesn’t want it then I cannot give it to her. If I do not want to give it she cannot demand it of me. In that respect, we both, on that level, are still balanced and equal because we both are voluntarily entering into the dynamics of a dominant/submissive relationship. Submission is thus an expression of freewill.”
Is submission to a Dominant Woman a sign of weakness?
Submission as a sign of weakness? Hardly. Some people get confused because of the naughty names used in erotic humiliation or the wicked pain play during a scene. But submission itself is very different from the “actions” of the scene. Those who think submission is a sign of weakness don’t understand the nuances of erotic power exchange.
It takes strength to submit
A true submissive is very strong as one submissive describes what it takes to be a male submissive. Now, to your questions….what sorts of gifts have you given as a submissive? Alice you gave Me a very lovely gift on My Featured Mistress Day and I thought of you as I typed the question ~smiles~.
Hi MsOlivia! Thank You for putting my quote there. You’re welcome to do so anytime though I can’t guarantee all quotes will be winners. 🙂
I view BDSM as a very intimate thing. I can’t say more than “normal” relationships because again everyone’s is different, but it seems with BDSM there is a great focus on pleasure, especially for the sub trying to please the Domme. That’s the gift there. Putting Her pleasure before his own (though I’ve also written that he himself gets pleasure from that too, hee). And, although there is a perception, probably moreso among people not into any sort of BDSM, about male submissives being weak. Yeah, I hate that. One needs to have power to begin with in order to exchange it, to give it to another.
I’ve also touched upon my disdain for the holier than thou types (kinkier than thou) who are more than happy to tell you that “you’re not really submissive because you do X” or “you can’t call yourself a slave, you’re a submissive” or people engaging in kinky sex on the side can’t be counted as being part of the BDSM community. Who died and made them boss? So that’s where much of my “it depends” comes from too. If people find some things pleasurable but not others, then they should just do what they enjoy and screw what others think.
Thanks for leaving a comment magnus! I’m sorry for the delay in answering…something about the word press update and I locked myself out for a bit!
YIKES! But, as you can see, I’m back! 🙂 I absolutely agree with you about having power in order to engage in power exchange. Even when the *scene* is the submissive having no power at all, there’s still the real life before and after the scene.
~laughs~ OMG, you and I also agree on the kinkier than thou stuff. I don’t pay any attention. I’ve even had people say I’m not a “real” Mistress because I do the phone Domme stuff. That’s always so funny to Me. Oh? Indeed. And, what profession “should” I have to be a real Mistress…..hmmmmmmmm? Banker, journalist, swim coach? What? ~laughs~ I think the first time I heard that I tried to “argue” it and then I just smile and go hmmmmmmmmm. There’s really nothing to say, right? LOL
its awesome to submit to a hot women. They really are the better sex. They get to wear hot dresses,tops, lipstick, perfumes, makeup, heels, boots, bras. It really isn’t fair but that’s why I’m envious and why I love to wear women’s clothes bras, makeup, heels, lipstick, lotions, perfume,ankle boots, wigs. It gets me hard wet and gets me off. We’ve had awesome calls about Ms Olivia dressing me as her girl and no matter what I can’t say no to her. Also Ms Violet, Ms Tia, Ms Josephine have expressed interest in putting me in chastity after they dress me as a girl. How can I say no? I’ve never done chastity but have feeling this is next step. Mistresses are really my only way as real girls are to vanilla to do this to me. I plan to call regular when time, and budget allows, I’m ldw for life.
Ahhhhh, Peter! Thank you so much! And, we love having you submit to us! 🙂
I’ve given more than one hand crafted paddle for my mistress’ amusement. It’s been up to the mistress if that involved my ass or not. Giving a gift like that is about their pleasure, and it would be prsumtive of me to assume it would only be used on me. I think that is part of what it means when it is a submissive act and not an act between equals. You give, often with hope, but never with an expectation of anything in return.
and if anyone has a few spare minutes of reading the original title of this story was “A Gift of Submission”.
I’ve read that blog wellspanked and I loved it! 🙂 We’ve talked a lot here about our mutual views on BDsm. Oh and that hand crafted paddle has gotten some yummy “activity” and no, it didn’t involve you! ~laughs~ But, of course, when I take the paddle out of My toy bag I ~smile~ and think of you. I’m a Domme who likes to have My fetish items spread out….I have a “view” of the scene and how I want to achieve things….so I like to have all the implements for that particular scene at the ready 🙂
Perfectly said….I think the dynamics between Mistresses and suba can be as varied as the people who undertake them….Still, they are only as grewarding as the the willingness of both to give and share within the D/s Dynamic. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.
Hey! I haven’t seen a comment from you in ages! Thanks for taking your time to lease a comment Mike! And, you’re right…ultimately the joy is really in two people finding sexual expression that works for them. After all, it doesn’t have to (and probably won’t) work for everyone. There are so many nuances. Finding those and pushing individual buttons is totally part of the sexual charge of fetish play for Me.
For me, submission to a dominant woman is erotic and fulfilling. i do believe in the sexual authority and natural supremacy of the woman in a relationship with a man but that does not mean it is always easy to be submissive. The giving of that gift needs to be real and consistent whether i am in sexual heat or not. i view my submission as a both a physical and a spiritual pathway. It is a gift and i cherish my Mistress’ (Mistress
violet) acceptance of my devotions because without that my devotions and aspirations are meaningless; her acceptance elevates my submission. My hope always is that i can please her. While i am proud whenever i can demonstrate my submission, i also give her the gift of my pride by placing her above me. i send her gifts from her wish list when i can. i send her my best thoughts and energies daily. In giving her true ownership of my sissy stick and my body more generally i long for her to express that ownership through CBT and spankings. For several months i have been giving her my continued chastity on a daily basis. Whenever permitted i am grateful to affirm my place as her submissive by eating my cum for her as clear expression that for her i have no boundaries. Submission is an active commitment to her that is part of each and every day.
You aren’t alone in looking at submission as a spiritual pathway! I love that you think of it this way and Ms Violet is the perfect Mistress to do this with because she is a spiritual person and Mistress. There is a wonderful cultural history of BDsm as a spiritual journey and there are several really excellent books about this particular dynamic. As you might know, I love to read and I especially enjoyed Radical Ecstasy: SM Journeys to Transcendence by Easton and Janet Hardy.
I also love how you term your submission as an active commitment each and every day. That might not work for everyone but for those that can and will incorporate submission play into a daily ritual it can be very powerful! Of course, considering you’re in chastity, you’re submission isn’t “playing” is it!? ~smiles~
I’m so impressed by the comments here. Even after reading how well other people describe the erotica of submission I still can’t describe it in such concise terms myself.
But yes, I think having a Mistress can complete me. Actually I think Ms Olivia is the closest to a Mistress that I know. How do you guys make it official anyway?
Do you just ‘get it’ intuitively?
For me, I feel things and I think things but the two don’t always match up. 🙂
Awww, thank you so much for your kind words Jenni! One of the things that I love about having the comments be a conversation here on the blog is because it can also help, inspire and educate others! You’re not alone in not having the words to full describe things! I’m known as a wordsmith and even I have trouble sometimes putting things into words! You have totally touched Me with your comment that I’m closest to a Mistress for you…..I think many people just sort of get a sensation of “rightness” and then things go from there. Does that make sense?