The last post asked the question why pay for sex?
I, personally, think one of the primary reasons for phone sex is to avoid all the messy entanglements of real life dating! When you know you want to get off and know how you want to do it (for example with fetish sex with a Femdom Mistress) then why would you want the hassle of the dating dance? That’s the way I see it, but I’m pretty blunt and practical. You might see it differently and I’d like to hear from you!
IM Chat about real life options of finding a Femdom
Today, we continue with the IM Chat with the man who wants to experience Femdom in person. We’ve talked about possible solutions.
I answered his questions about the differences between a Pro Domme and an escort. And, now we’re talking about finding a partner in the real life fetish scene.
You might find a really skilled Domme here who does the play for love of the scene but since She isn’t full-time in the fetish sex scene with experiences with large numbers of partners, I think of her as an amateur. And, let’s face it, even in a fetish sex relationship it’s still a relationship with emotional landmines as you can see from our IM chat.
IM chat continues with his comments about real life dating
Ms Olivia: I want you to write Me, here, some of the emotional *stuff* that you’ve experienced with dating. After this call, I’ll relate that to kink dating.
Man: ok. Some of the big emotional stuff I’ve experienced includes: crying during sex b/c past lover cheated on them; lots of enthusiasm at first then too “afraid” to go further; “too old” for that sort of play; “fear” that this means you want someone who isn’t her; judgments that this is okay, but “this” isn’t.
Ms Olivia: *nods* YES !!!!! So, even if you get an amateur who is *into* kink, you’re getting into a potentially emotional minefield of sex, emotions and relationships. If you get a legit professional you’re not going to have to deal with that. If any woman who is a professional sex worker starts a sob story about how tough her life is then she is either *playing* you (not sex, not fun) or she’s turning to sex work because she desperate. Not as a career choice. For example………This started as a *lark* for Me but has become a career choice. BUT, I don’t meet in person.
Ms Olivia: I don’t have anything morally against paid professional in person sex but I’m clear that’s not for Me. Plus, it is illegal in most areas. I don’t even do Pro Domme stuff in person. I like the aural part of phone sex. It’s also safer for a variety of reasons. Now, I do play in person with My boy friend and our play party friends. But, that is for free and for fun. The PROBLEMS start when you being money and friendship into contact. So, for someone who wants a free session with Me ….. problems. LOL
Man: lol makes perfect sense
Mistress articulates her boundaries
Ms Olivia: Now, professionally I keep My boundaries. I’m very clear about what I do and what My limits are. I’m okay if someone pushes the limits…..horny men do that and don’t even realize it. And, I’ll just keep stating limits…….if he continues to push and I continue to state My limits, I will eventually get to a point where I switch to a Meta conversation and say: “I’m telling you My limits, stop pushing them. This is not negotiable.” At that point, he’ll usually wake up.
Ms Olivia: If he continues to push then I back off and eventually discontinue the conversation.
Man: as well you should
Ms Olivia: *nods* Yes, I am VERY OPEN but when I say no……unless we’re in a scene that requires manipulation that’s been asked for……I mean NO. LOL So, I state limits and stick to them. NOW……….this is MUCH harder in a *relationship* do you see how things get *sticky* …… emotionally sticky and conversationally sticky.
Man: absolutely….it’s also what makes the sexual part of the relationship so..challenging
Ms Olivia: *nods* YES! What I’ve done is I’ve been able to do the sex and the limits with My guy…..but I think we’re both independent enough that we don’t play those *relationship games*. I like sex games……..the mind games, the push pulll, the fakey (or not) arguments and the passive agressive behavior isn’t My thing…..personally OR professionally. I can (and do) walk away from clients who want that during free time.
Man: 100% agree
Ms Olivia: When he’s paying for My time, I’ll do it as a scene…..but chats like this I have to enjoy! LOL It’s My free time. YOU…… I totally enjoy
Man: Thank you – that is mutual, obviously
Experienced Mistress is….well….experienced!
Ms Olivia: You’ve got the pros and the cons for all three (Pro Domme, escort and amateur fetish enthusiast) One thing that I also want to point out that is a difference between ANY sex worker and a *civilian amateur* is that I’ve encountered thousands of men. I think men are even more honest on the phone…….so I have a wealth of experience and knowledge……not just about sex but about men in particular. Like ANY experienced professional you also have access to that knowledge.
Man: I would agree wholeheartedly there. I’ve spent time with online sex coaches who have not been nearly as insightful, honest, informative, or educational as you to be frank
Ms Olivia: OMG ! LOL You HAVE to tell Me more about that!
How’s that for a tease for tomorrow’s blog? LOL So, look for it. Now, to your questions. Have you dated inside of the fetish world? How do YOU handle all the relationship stuff that goes along with dating (fetish or vanilla)? What comments, suggestion or advice do you have for him … or that you’d care to share with other readers of My blog?