Do YOU want your fetish play or kinky sex to involve your real life partner? That’s a really common issue among the men here. I’ve done various posts about the reality of men and real sex …. including how many of you handle your sex secrets and talking with your partner about your sex secrets.
Some people, for various reasons, want to keep this aspect of themselves to the safety, privacy and fantasy level of phone sex. That’s why I’m here! Erotic conversation, kinky companionship or hot explicit naughty sex is perfect for many people.
Some of you want the variety of having a talented Mistress whispering naughty words in your ear as you masturbate for Mistress. Still others of you have practical issues like those faced by crossdressers and sissy boys. There are a variety of reasons why phone sex is an ideal solution in your life. But, some men want to bring the fantasy to life with their real life intimate partner. They often call Me and ask for help doing that.
Foot fetish in a real life marriage
One guy, with a foot fetish, has struggled with trying to get his wife to understand and then DO what he wants. You can see the original IM chat with foot guy in the full form. Since that original IM chat, we’ve IMd several times. The other day he contacted Me to tell Me the latest in his quest!
Let’s first recap. This is the followup to the original IM. I post this part first so you can SEE his frustration. Can YOU relate to what he’s feeling?! Keep reading and you’ll find out what the current situation is.
Horny man frustrated with his wife
MN: Hey hon
empress.olivia: hey there !
MN: how are you
MN: I think my wife is why there are “phone Mistresses”
empress.olivia: What do you mean?
MN: because you are able to disconnect enough for it to work
MN: or maybe it’s cause you don’t have to dis-connect
empress.olivia: I’m not following you.
MN: you can totally connect, but she can’t dis-connect enough to enjoy the role and then re-connect for a regular relationship
empress.olivia: ohhhhhhh !!!!!! Now I get it !
MN: you don’t have to dis-connect and re-connect
MN: you only have to connect
empress.olivia: That’s so funny, I’m doing a blog comment answer about that right now. But here’s the thing…..I DO have to connect / dis-connect with My real life guy. So I get it…….BUT, remember your wife doesn’t have the wealth of experience that I have.
MN: that’s very true. Yeah, but with us (the customer) you only have to play the role they want and not worry about tomorrow
empress.olivia: Not necessairly ….. because I DO think about tomorrow……I have ongoing relationships with callers. There IS a tomorrow!
MN: I didn’t mean it like that
MN: I hope ours is an ongoing (phone sex relationship) but ours would be an on going one with me loving on your feet and playing our scenerio. Not my mistress tonight, and my romantic, by the candle light honey the next
empress.olivia: *nods* yes you’re right. And with My real life guy it’s totally the Domme one night and the cuddle the next or even the SAME NIGHT.
Relationship with his wife after fetish request suggested by Mistress
MN: My and my wife’s relationship has changed a little, but very slow
empress.olivia: One thing, this is your sex fantasy…….she may NEVER initiate it. It’s different with Me as a phone Mistress. When you call, I know you want Me to initiate it and I do.
MN: I understand that
empress.olivia: Have you actually sat down in a non-seuxal situation and said, I really want YOU to initiate it.
MN: I explained it to her but she doesn’t feel comfy initiating it
empress.olivia: Maybe she will never initiate out of the blue…….but a compromise could be that you ASK her to initiate it and she does. Does she want YOU to give HER a signal of what you want?
MN: I explained I was looking for the submissive feeling that only her making me do it would fulfill
MN: trying explaining it in different ways, I’m sure understanding it isn’t the problem
MN: she just isn’t into being forceful
He says, she says
empress.olivia: okay, so is she telling you NO?
MN: I tried to explain she doesn’t have to be forceful
MN: just get me to do it the same way she gets me to do everything else, with her witty little ways
MN: If I was to just sit down and start on her feet on my own, I could do them everyday
empress.olivia: Is she telling you that she doesn’t want to DO that?
MN: She hasn’t said so in so many words, and has actually said she would try
MN: or she has something planned, but it just never seems to come around
MN: she read something on the computer under foot fetish, and said she had a couple of ideas, but we haven’t done anything since
empress.olivia: Maybe she will never initiate out of the blue…….but a compromise could be that you ASK her to initiate it and she does. I could be STRUCTURAL…..it sounds to ME like she is TRYING and that’s HUGE !
empress.olivia: So……have another conversation……
empress.olivia: ask HER if she wants you to tell her when to start.
MN: and meanwhile I stay blue balled
empress.olivia: She might not KNOW!
MN: I’ve told her, anytime she feels like it, or even to just have fun and have me get off, just to keep her control
MN: and keep me milked
empress.olivia: Okay, so what SHE is telling you (non verbally) is that she is NOT going to do that.
empress.olivia: You have a couple choices here.
MN: maybe she just don’t know how to get started gaining the control
empress.olivia: YES !
empress.olivia: That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you…..
empress.olivia: now, I’m going to ask again: Have you asked her if she would like YOU to tell her when you want to initiate a scene?
MN: no I haven’t asked
empress.olivia: Okay…..so she has said YES to everything you’ve actually ASKED right?
MN: for the most part–yeah
MN: she’s my honey
What his wife does that makes him so frustrated
empress.olivia: okay…..what have you actually asked for that she is not doing?
MN: just gaining her control and using it. making me do her feet or at least have me let go once a day or no more than every other day
MN: she has me go too long without (orgasm)
MN: way to long
empress.olivia: Okay…….so she has actually TOLD you that she doesn’t feel comfortable with initiating control over you for sex.
MN: like really really lonnnngggggggg
empress.olivia: LOL … not really funny I know. Seriously, you may have an answer, you just don’t like it.
MN: what, when…………
empress.olivia: You’ve asked her to be in control of WHEN the play starts and she’s said no….is that correct?
MN: didn’t say no, just don’t do it
MN: says she’ll try, just don’t do it
MN: says she’ll get out of bed, just don’t do it
MN: says she’ll fix dinner, just don’t do it
MN: c the pattern
empress.olivia: Okay……so her ACTIONS are giving you her answer.
MN: hell no, keeps me confused
MN: sounds great, just don’t do it
MN: oh yeah baby, just don’t do it
empress.olivia: wait wait wait……can you focus?
MN: just can’t do it
MN: yeah, I am
MN: I am focused. I’ve been doing good
Suggestion from the Experienced Mistress
empress.olivia: Sit her down and ASK this question:
empress.olivia: Honey, I want to know if you are willing to take over the session if I tell you I want to start it.
empress.olivia: THAT way she doesn’t have to GUESS about when to initiate it.
MN: anytime would work
empress.olivia: Your comments about every other day and such are probably totally overwhelming…..
empress.olivia: telling her ANYTIME is overwhelming.
MN: so, what about if I let her, or get her to do this, will this mess up our daily life in the rest of our relationship?
empress.olivia: Hold on…..we haven’t clarified the first part.
empress.olivia: Let Me make sure I understand your complaint…..
empress.olivia: you want HER to initiate it ‘anytime’ and she isn’t…..is that correct?
MN: within our comfort zone…..sure
Plain talk – his complaint
empress.olivia: SAY what your complaint is……just the complaint.
MN: does not initiate having me at her feet, and doesn’t push me as far as I want it to go
MN: or as often as is needed
MN: I know you do
empress.olivia: Can you wait on the *pushing you how far you want to go*
empress.olivia: and just concentrate on the TIMING ?
MN: getting her to understand it is another trick all together
empress.olivia: getting a text session…..
MN: I’ll catch ya later
Time goes by
We chat on IM periodically and he stays frustrated but kept listening to My coaching. That is REALLY hard to do when your balls are full and aching for the exact kind of sex fetish orgasm release that sends you to the moon and back. But, HM kept trying. Like he thought he’d been trying for decades but now he had some coaching from the Experienced Mistress.
Talk about a happy ending
HM: Just wanted to say hey, and that after alot of patience, and catering, and babying the issue around for awhile, things have come along way, and I now enjoy, not only loving on her feet, but have increased our frequency 10 fold. Thanks Olivia for your help, and your patience, as we all know I’m not real good at waiting, but through your guidance and outlining, you’ve helped a 30 yr marriage feel kinda new again. Thanks alot and as always “Mmmmmmeeerrrrrrrcccyyyyyy, tore up from the floor up” lol c ya
OMG, can I post that foloup !?
sorry to bother ya
know you’re busy
just wanted to let ya know
yer makin’ me tear up……
that is SO GREAT !!!!!
For you BOTH baby !!!!
HM: aawwww, seriously, you helped alot
and she’s more like my little honey again
I knew it………
I really did think that patience would pay off !
wasn’t sure I was gonna make it
thanks again hon
hope I’m not messing up someones time
says you’re in text,
I didn’t expect an answer
was just gonna let ya know the deal
and wanted to thank you and all your responders
I forgot to change that !
I’m going to post this right after the current IM series.
HM: some responders helped, some not so much, but even if I didn’t like the comment, I knew I didn’t like them and that helped too
ok hope it helps someone else
you’re awesome, – ya know that?
I think that’s critical……you can listen to everyone and then ultimately you need to make decisions that feel right to YOU and your circumstances.
Awwww…..now, don’t give Me a big head.
It’s MY ROLE to give you a big head…..*wink*
just being cool enough to help an ole fart like me
seriously, you know we’ve talked about your marriage and I really do get it that you’ve got a GOOD marriage……..
and that’s not something to take lightly!
no, she’s my honey
Why hot sex is important to a marriage
But, whew baby……30 years……that’s a long time to keep the HOT SPICE in the bedroom going.
glad to get over that dam old hurdle
AND, that’s kind of a difficult thing for *civilian* women to negotiate…….
simply because they are busy, etc.
yeah, but we (my wife and I) are supposed to be better than most, always have been
I can tell you……MEN think about sex much more time wise…….but women LOVE sex!
And we love sex with our man…..unless there are basic or systemic problems in the marriage itself.
average hasn’t ever been good enough for me or mine
I know that about you …… you are a great guy, cute as all get out…….
and I really wanted to work with you to get this one thing GOING
now look who’s giving who a big head
empress.olivia: I love it when I HEAR you say that you’re tore up from the floor up from one of My fantasies……but, I REALLY wanted you to say that about your wife! Does that sound really WEIRD?
You know how I mean that, right?
I’m part therapist, part detective, part kinky investigative reporter……LOL
no, you achieved, or helped me achieve something I’ve worked on for 30 yrs. and had basically given up, and it had caused problems with the rest of sex life
What did HE do and can you do it too?
Did she just need some time without being pressured to perform the way you wanted her to perform?
we had all but quit, but things have fired up again now, and I figure will continue to burn for awhile, now that she has so many areas to work from
I didn’t pressure her for along time, but she needed to understand how important it was
she just didn’t realize
empress.olivia: She finally HEARD you !
But, you SPOKE it…right…..you said it out loud……I think that’s the key.
HM: yeah, I’m kinda stubborn when it comes to being heard. She just wasn’t hearing what I was trying to say b4
In a relationship sometimes what your partner is saying becomes like wallpaper, you don’t SEE it! Or, in this case, HEAR it! That comes with familiarity and it’s part of being human.
we both listen a little more, face it, she wanted it better too.
Wife wants better sex too !
OMG……what did SHE say about wanting it better too?
and we came to some compromises
Women LOVE to *win* with their man!
What were the compromises?
Action Steps! LOL
HM: a little more attentiveness
a little more non-sexual attention, and a little more romance, which would come with me being happy about our sex life together letting her realize how much I had gone along already and it was time to give a little on her side too
and I would give on some issues she wanted the romance, a little more help around the house inside, some of the old attention she used to get 100 yrs ago lol
you know, the woman thing
well hon, it’s getting late, I have to get ready to try and make a dollar. It was good to hear from ya again, thanks a bunch ‘hugs’ and I’ll catch ya later
THANK YOU so much for telling Me.
Seriously, you have MADE My day !
I’m sooooooo thrilled for you BOTH !
HM: well, I’m glad it helps you too. Thanks again.
hugs and go make that dollar…..bring a bunch of spring flowers home for NO reason.
HM: one slow lick and kiss up your arch
just to think about
empress.olivia ~laughs~ get yer bad self outta here baby ! hugs !
Questions for you
What have you learned or been inspired to consider as a result of seeing the outcome of HM and his wife? For those of you who are married, does this chat make you feel hopeful, wistful, or another emotion? For those of you who are single, does this help you begin to see how you might choose to handle your fetish and erotic desires at the beginning of the relationship to make sure you get your erotic needs are met? As always, I want to hear from you 🙂
*wiggles My lovely toes in celebration*