Do YOU want your fetish play or kinky sex to involve your real life partner? That’s a really common issue among the men here. I’ve done various posts about the reality of men and real sex …. including how many of you handle your sex secrets and talking with your partner about your sex secrets.
Some people, for various reasons, want to keep this aspect of themselves to the safety, privacy and fantasy level of phone sex. That’s why I’m here! Erotic conversation, kinky companionship or hot explicit naughty sex is perfect for many people.
Some of you want the variety of having a talented Mistress whispering naughty words in your ear as you masturbate for Mistress. Still others of you have practical issues like those faced by crossdressers and sissy boys. There are a variety of reasons why phone sex is an ideal solution in your life. But, some men want to bring the fantasy to life with their real life intimate partner. They often call Me and ask for help doing that.
Foot fetish in a real life marriage
One guy, with a foot fetish, has struggled with trying to get his wife to understand and then DO what he wants. You can see the original IM chat with foot guy in the full form. Since that original IM chat, we’ve IMd several times. The other day he contacted Me to tell Me the latest in his quest!
Let’s first recap. This is the followup to the original IM. I post this part first so you can SEE his frustration. Can YOU relate to what he’s feeling?! Keep reading and you’ll find out what the current situation is.
Horny man frustrated with his wife
MN: Hey hon
empress.olivia: hey there !
MN: how are you
MN: I think my wife is why there are “phone Mistresses”
empress.olivia: What do you mean?
MN: because you are able to disconnect enough for it to work
MN: or maybe it’s cause you don’t have to dis-connect
empress.olivia: I’m not following you.
MN: you can totally connect, but she can’t dis-connect enough to enjoy the role and then re-connect for a regular relationship
empress.olivia: ohhhhhhh !!!!!! Now I get it !
MN: you don’t have to dis-connect and re-connect
MN: you only have to connect
empress.olivia: That’s so funny, I’m doing a blog comment answer about that right now. But here’s the thing…..I DO have to connect / dis-connect with My real life guy. So I get it…….BUT, remember your wife doesn’t have the wealth of experience that I have.
MN: that’s very true. Yeah, but with us (the customer) you only have to play the role they want and not worry about tomorrow
empress.olivia: Not necessairly ….. because I DO think about tomorrow……I have ongoing relationships with callers. There IS a tomorrow!
MN: I didn’t mean it like that
MN: I hope ours is an ongoing (phone sex relationship) but ours would be an on going one with me loving on your feet and playing our scenerio. Not my mistress tonight, and my romantic, by the candle light honey the next
empress.olivia: *nods* yes you’re right. And with My real life guy it’s totally the Domme one night and the cuddle the next or even the SAME NIGHT.
Relationship with his wife after fetish request suggested by Mistress
MN: My and my wife’s relationship has changed a little, but very slow
empress.olivia: One thing, this is your sex fantasy…….she may NEVER initiate it. It’s different with Me as a phone Mistress. When you call, I know you want Me to initiate it and I do.
MN: I understand that
empress.olivia: Have you actually sat down in a non-seuxal situation and said, I really want YOU to initiate it.
MN: I explained it to her but she doesn’t feel comfy initiating it
empress.olivia: Maybe she will never initiate out of the blue…….but a compromise could be that you ASK her to initiate it and she does. Does she want YOU to give HER a signal of what you want?
MN: I explained I was looking for the submissive feeling that only her making me do it would fulfill
MN: trying explaining it in different ways, I’m sure understanding it isn’t the problem
MN: she just isn’t into being forceful
He says, she says
empress.olivia: okay, so is she telling you NO?
MN: I tried to explain she doesn’t have to be forceful
MN: just get me to do it the same way she gets me to do everything else, with her witty little ways
MN: If I was to just sit down and start on her feet on my own, I could do them everyday
empress.olivia: Is she telling you that she doesn’t want to DO that?
MN: She hasn’t said so in so many words, and has actually said she would try
MN: or she has something planned, but it just never seems to come around
MN: she read something on the computer under foot fetish, and said she had a couple of ideas, but we haven’t done anything since
empress.olivia: Maybe she will never initiate out of the blue…….but a compromise could be that you ASK her to initiate it and she does. I could be STRUCTURAL…..it sounds to ME like she is TRYING and that’s HUGE !
empress.olivia: So……have another conversation……
empress.olivia: ask HER if she wants you to tell her when to start.
MN: and meanwhile I stay blue balled
empress.olivia: She might not KNOW!
MN: I’ve told her, anytime she feels like it, or even to just have fun and have me get off, just to keep her control
MN: and keep me milked
empress.olivia: Okay, so what SHE is telling you (non verbally) is that she is NOT going to do that.
empress.olivia: You have a couple choices here.
MN: maybe she just don’t know how to get started gaining the control
empress.olivia: YES !
empress.olivia: That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you…..
empress.olivia: now, I’m going to ask again: Have you asked her if she would like YOU to tell her when you want to initiate a scene?
MN: no I haven’t asked
empress.olivia: Okay…..so she has said YES to everything you’ve actually ASKED right?
MN: for the most part–yeah
MN: she’s my honey
What his wife does that makes him so frustrated
empress.olivia: okay…..what have you actually asked for that she is not doing?
MN: just gaining her control and using it. making me do her feet or at least have me let go once a day or no more than every other day
MN: she has me go too long without (orgasm)
MN: way to long
empress.olivia: Okay…….so she has actually TOLD you that she doesn’t feel comfortable with initiating control over you for sex.
MN: like really really lonnnngggggggg
empress.olivia: LOL … not really funny I know. Seriously, you may have an answer, you just don’t like it.
MN: what, when…………
empress.olivia: You’ve asked her to be in control of WHEN the play starts and she’s said no….is that correct?
MN: didn’t say no, just don’t do it
MN: says she’ll try, just don’t do it
MN: says she’ll get out of bed, just don’t do it
MN: says she’ll fix dinner, just don’t do it
MN: c the pattern
empress.olivia: Okay……so her ACTIONS are giving you her answer.
MN: hell no, keeps me confused
MN: sounds great, just don’t do it
MN: oh yeah baby, just don’t do it
empress.olivia: wait wait wait……can you focus?
MN: just can’t do it
MN: yeah, I am
MN: I am focused. I’ve been doing good
Suggestion from the Experienced Mistress
empress.olivia: Sit her down and ASK this question:
empress.olivia: Honey, I want to know if you are willing to take over the session if I tell you I want to start it.
empress.olivia: THAT way she doesn’t have to GUESS about when to initiate it.
MN: anytime would work
empress.olivia: Your comments about every other day and such are probably totally overwhelming…..
empress.olivia: telling her ANYTIME is overwhelming.
MN: so, what about if I let her, or get her to do this, will this mess up our daily life in the rest of our relationship?
empress.olivia: Hold on…..we haven’t clarified the first part.
empress.olivia: Let Me make sure I understand your complaint…..
empress.olivia: you want HER to initiate it ‘anytime’ and she isn’t…..is that correct?
MN: within our comfort zone…..sure
Plain talk – his complaint
empress.olivia: SAY what your complaint is……just the complaint.
MN: does not initiate having me at her feet, and doesn’t push me as far as I want it to go
MN: or as often as is needed
MN: I know you do
empress.olivia: Can you wait on the *pushing you how far you want to go*
empress.olivia: and just concentrate on the TIMING ?
MN: getting her to understand it is another trick all together
empress.olivia: getting a text session…..
MN: I’ll catch ya later
Time goes by
We chat on IM periodically and he stays frustrated but kept listening to My coaching. That is REALLY hard to do when your balls are full and aching for the exact kind of sex fetish orgasm release that sends you to the moon and back. But, HM kept trying. Like he thought he’d been trying for decades but now he had some coaching from the Experienced Mistress.
Talk about a happy ending
HM: Just wanted to say hey, and that after alot of patience, and catering, and babying the issue around for awhile, things have come along way, and I now enjoy, not only loving on her feet, but have increased our frequency 10 fold. Thanks Olivia for your help, and your patience, as we all know I’m not real good at waiting, but through your guidance and outlining, you’ve helped a 30 yr marriage feel kinda new again. Thanks alot and as always “Mmmmmmeeerrrrrrrcccyyyyyy, tore up from the floor up” lol c ya
OMG, can I post that foloup !?
sorry to bother ya
know you’re busy
just wanted to let ya know
yer makin’ me tear up……
that is SO GREAT !!!!!
For you BOTH baby !!!!
HM: aawwww, seriously, you helped alot
and she’s more like my little honey again
I knew it………
I really did think that patience would pay off !
wasn’t sure I was gonna make it
thanks again hon
hope I’m not messing up someones time
says you’re in text,
I didn’t expect an answer
was just gonna let ya know the deal
and wanted to thank you and all your responders
I forgot to change that !
I’m going to post this right after the current IM series.
HM: some responders helped, some not so much, but even if I didn’t like the comment, I knew I didn’t like them and that helped too
ok hope it helps someone else
you’re awesome, – ya know that?
I think that’s critical……you can listen to everyone and then ultimately you need to make decisions that feel right to YOU and your circumstances.
Awwww…..now, don’t give Me a big head.
It’s MY ROLE to give you a big head…..*wink*
just being cool enough to help an ole fart like me
seriously, you know we’ve talked about your marriage and I really do get it that you’ve got a GOOD marriage……..
and that’s not something to take lightly!
no, she’s my honey
Why hot sex is important to a marriage
But, whew baby……30 years……that’s a long time to keep the HOT SPICE in the bedroom going.
glad to get over that dam old hurdle
AND, that’s kind of a difficult thing for *civilian* women to negotiate…….
simply because they are busy, etc.
yeah, but we (my wife and I) are supposed to be better than most, always have been
I can tell you……MEN think about sex much more time wise…….but women LOVE sex!
And we love sex with our man…..unless there are basic or systemic problems in the marriage itself.
average hasn’t ever been good enough for me or mine
I know that about you …… you are a great guy, cute as all get out…….
and I really wanted to work with you to get this one thing GOING
now look who’s giving who a big head
empress.olivia: I love it when I HEAR you say that you’re tore up from the floor up from one of My fantasies……but, I REALLY wanted you to say that about your wife! Does that sound really WEIRD?
You know how I mean that, right?
I’m part therapist, part detective, part kinky investigative reporter……LOL
no, you achieved, or helped me achieve something I’ve worked on for 30 yrs. and had basically given up, and it had caused problems with the rest of sex life
What did HE do and can you do it too?
Did she just need some time without being pressured to perform the way you wanted her to perform?
we had all but quit, but things have fired up again now, and I figure will continue to burn for awhile, now that she has so many areas to work from
I didn’t pressure her for along time, but she needed to understand how important it was
she just didn’t realize
empress.olivia: She finally HEARD you !
But, you SPOKE it…right…..you said it out loud……I think that’s the key.
HM: yeah, I’m kinda stubborn when it comes to being heard. She just wasn’t hearing what I was trying to say b4
In a relationship sometimes what your partner is saying becomes like wallpaper, you don’t SEE it! Or, in this case, HEAR it! That comes with familiarity and it’s part of being human.
we both listen a little more, face it, she wanted it better too.
Wife wants better sex too !
OMG……what did SHE say about wanting it better too?
and we came to some compromises
Women LOVE to *win* with their man!
What were the compromises?
Action Steps! LOL
HM: a little more attentiveness
a little more non-sexual attention, and a little more romance, which would come with me being happy about our sex life together letting her realize how much I had gone along already and it was time to give a little on her side too
and I would give on some issues she wanted the romance, a little more help around the house inside, some of the old attention she used to get 100 yrs ago lol
you know, the woman thing
well hon, it’s getting late, I have to get ready to try and make a dollar. It was good to hear from ya again, thanks a bunch ‘hugs’ and I’ll catch ya later
THANK YOU so much for telling Me.
Seriously, you have MADE My day !
I’m sooooooo thrilled for you BOTH !
HM: well, I’m glad it helps you too. Thanks again.
hugs and go make that dollar…..bring a bunch of spring flowers home for NO reason.
HM: one slow lick and kiss up your arch
just to think about
empress.olivia ~laughs~ get yer bad self outta here baby ! hugs !
Questions for you
What have you learned or been inspired to consider as a result of seeing the outcome of HM and his wife? For those of you who are married, does this chat make you feel hopeful, wistful, or another emotion? For those of you who are single, does this help you begin to see how you might choose to handle your fetish and erotic desires at the beginning of the relationship to make sure you get your erotic needs are met? As always, I want to hear from you 🙂
*wiggles My lovely toes in celebration*
Ms. Olivia, as one who was married (16 years) the tale made me “wistful,” thinking what might have been. we had two huge impediments resulting from our separate “upbringings.” she (southern-bred Episcopalian) considered “variation” deviant & i (German Lutheran) struggled with simply communicating emotional needs, which just wasn’t done in my family. i sought out online information, participated in forums, trying to learn about the drive & learn to communicate the need effectively. she wouldn’t or couldn’t hear what i was saying. then, when she found the “history” on the computer, she found it disgusting & perverted. it didn’t cause our divorce, but it was certainly contributory.
ahhhhh coffeeboy …. My whole heart and being goes out to you!
I thought that post might bring up some *stuff* for people. Actually, it made ME wistful to write it. I, too, have had intimate relationships that were lacking in effective communication about sexual needs. Some, like you, was on MY end: “What will he think if I tell him? Will he think less of me in the rest of our life together? Maybe it’s better to not rock the boat. Maybe THIS is as good as the sex gets and I’m sure I can live with that.” Other times, like you, it was on him; his upbringing, his religious (not spiritual but religious) attitudes, his WHATEVER.
I am PROFOUNDLY grateful that I have amazing communication with My guy. This is one of the many reasons why I always say I am lucky to have HIM when someone says that he is lucky to have Me. We FIT and that’s great! But, we also communicate which makes the natural fit even better!
Phone sex is a mirror on all of life. A mirror and a metaphor. Some people are able to look into the mirror and do an accurate assessment. Personally, I try to be willing to change the things I can change, accept the things I cannot change and pray for guidance to know the difference between the two.
I am SO grateful that you posted that! THIS is edge play of the highest order pushing limits of conversation in ways that really matter.
I’ve mentioned this before in other comments, but it’s approriate here too. I’m fortunate that I met my now wife in college. It was a time for complete sexual freedom, and we used it. Movies, books, magazines, toys, positions, requests, crazyness, all was fair game and we were uninhibited.
What this has allowed is basically for anything to be fair game now. “Do you remember the time we…” is a great way to bring up something I’d like to do again. That said, we don’t get nearly as “invovled” as we used to. I think there are a number of reasons why. First we did go through a period where sexually things were very cool. Lots going on in our life and some passive aggressive behavior on both of our parts put a damper on things for a while. We both wanted to have that back, and it took a lot of work but we got there. During that time I learned that sex between a couple is more than about getting off, it’s about connecting and doing something together. Like every couple we can sit in the same room and still not be together. One of us watching TV the other on the computer, we are spending time near eachother, but not with eachother. Making an effort to do things “with” eachother worked. I think one of the best things we do together is have sex. We are focused 100% on eachother. It’s not the first step after a cool period, but it certainly is a great one.
So that comes to fantasies/fetishes or whatever. I’m not sure about all the clinical definistions of fetishes, I know I’ve read that a fetish is required for some people to get aroused, but that’s not the case for me. I absolutely love certain things that can get me from 0 to 60 in 2 seconds, but getting to 60 in 5 minutes is fine too. Maybe it’s that needs have changed, or that I’m concerned with other things, but I can’t think of a particular act that I “need” every time. So somethings that my knows for sure get me off, and her too to a lesser degree, like a little spanking happen a lot, but not everytime. Other things that I fantasize about I don’t feel the need to bring up. There is some hesitation from embarrassment, but there also a bigger part that although it’s arousing to me isn’t how I want to play with my wife. If she told me to throw my legs over my head and cum in my mouth, I wouldn’t hesitate. But, I don’t think I’d ask for it either. Not out of fear, just out of there are plenty of other things we do that are as pleasing. Not sure if I’m explaining it quite right? Another reason is because we have a young one at home. And I don’t need a comment to slip out at school or at the christmas dinner table, “Mom rides around on Dad naked like she’s riding a horse.” LOL some things are better left in the closet 🙂
Anyway. Many things I fantasize about I enjoy keeping to myself for when I need to get off alone (or with a mistress from LDW). Maybe it keeps times like those more exciting than if I also did them with my wife? Maybe they don’t turn me on because of other aspects of our relationship? Either way I know I’m lucky that I “can” bring up anything with my wife, and that if I did she would probably indulge me (maybe with an odd look). But I haven’t felt the need to beyond what we’ve already done, which granted, it quite a lot in my book.
@ wellspanked: THANK YOU so much for telling Me (and us) about your personal relationship with all this kink!
One part that really caught My attention is where you are talking about the time in your relationship where the sex cooled. Yes, passive/aggressive behavior is a total turn off to Me. And, with most people it means the bad sort of power play. There’s no power EXCHANGE it’s a manipulative power flow, almost like an energy vampire. Some people like that but they’re way more co-dependent than I am! LOL And, trust Me I am WAY down on the co-dependency scale. LOL
So, passive/aggressive is icky, sticky, manipulative without consent. I much prefer (in fact, insist on) straight communication. I take what people say at face value. Sometimes I get burned. Okay. I’d rather get burned then risk hurting someone who is simply shy or not very good at communication …. THAT person is often an amazing diamond in the rough. When I do get *burned* (and it did happen recently) I learn from it and manage things differently with that person. The trick is to stay open AND be yet be aware/informed/realistic. This is part of My own growth (life and journey). My reactions and emotions are under My control.
I knew I liked you wellspanked, I knew I liked your descriptions of your wife and your relationship …. Good for you BOTH to work back from that awful abyss! You can tell I’m a big fan of healthy relationships.
You’re also right about kink sex in real relationships. In any relationship there are all sorts of options of things to do and kink (or any kind of sex) is just one of those options. I think one of the main differences in a phone sex relationship is that both parties know that the sex part is fully on the table when you do a session. From My part, I’m UP for that and so are callers. We are creatively in sync. If I’m *not* UP for that I don’t sign in …. if you’re not UP for that you don’t call. We look like we’re totally in sync all the time because, we ARE, but that is defined by circumstances. That’s not always the case in real life where there are other *circumstances* to consider.
Does that make sense?
And, I totally understand what you’re saying about having time off alone with your fantasy life. I’m independent and so is My guy. Neither of us wants to be so entwined with one another that we’re ‘one person’ … I’m a big fan of private time for anything! Each person and couple will be different. The *trick* is to find a person who does indeed *fit* with you. 🙂
THANK YOU so much for posting……I told you, LONG comments are ALWAYS encouraged! I like the fact that you take your time to really participate … I can’t begin to tell you how much that means to Me and me. 🙂
I can relate to this guy’s problem as a single man. As I mentioned in our last phone session, I have a difficult time finding women open to my varied fetishes. I guess I don’t have the luxury of a marriage to work it out per se. I have to fight it at the start of a relationship.
IMO, the man and woman have to find that compatability in sex wants/desires as in other parts of their relationship. I have a strong sex drive and think about sex constantly, but have met few women who could keep up let alone accept my fetish kink. Maybe this is why men pay women(phone sex, escorts,etc.) to help us!
Dear Dennis….you are so right about why men pay for sex and I think it’s more than just when the man has the stronger sex drive than his partner (or sex kinks that she won’t do). I know men also do phone sex simply because it’s more fun without all the relationship *games* The conversation (intimacy), connection (time together) and non-sexual interactions are all (genetically based) foreplay for females and, personally, I think most women aren’t going to invest that sort of time in phone sex.
Now, you did say something that I’m not sure I agree with …. you talked about not having the ‘luxury of a marriage’ to work out sex fetishes. I’m curious. Can you say more about that? If you mean what I think you mean I have one thing to say ….. but, I want to check to see what you mean first ….to make sure we both understand how you mean that.
You’ve really taken what you do to an entirely different level.
In the initial phases of a relationship we don’t tend to reveal all, especially when it comes to sexuality. We want to be seen as sexy and appealing but in a way that we believe society deems as “normal” so the David Hasselhoff mask, the jumper cables, the South American Biting Ants and two hundred pounds of potato salad are usually left out any initial sexual encounters.(Your fantasy may vary.)
Later we struggle with how to get sexually in sync with our partner.
Remember good sex for many women has everything to do with what’s going on outside the bedroom door. Men tend to focus on the gadgets and tools and scenarios and forget about their partner. Fantasies are great; you just don’t want her to feel like she has to be a third rate actress in your porn fantasy every night. She’s wants to feel a connection with you, even while you get your freak on.
Women also desire intimacy and I think at its core, kink is all about intimacy. It takes a lot of courage to say this is who I am and this is what I really enjoy. That means there’s always hope for unearthing long buried desires in relationships where a comfort and trust level has been built up over time. At some point you just say “Fuck it Knight Rider. Life’s short. Let’s go get some potato salad. (Again your fantasy may vary)
John ! I had to wait a WHOLE DAY before responding to you because I couldn’t stop laughing when I got to your comment! In fact, while I agree totally with the substance of your comment I find I’m laughing once again!
Okay…….so here’s the book I want to write. It’s a book for women about what to do and how to BE that actress in a porn movie for your guy and what he is really asking for. So, that would be talking to women about real men and sex …. and helping THEM to see that when he wants her to be the porn star in his fantasy it doesn’t MEAN anything about how he feels about her. Well, it does but it doesn’t. YOU guys know what I mean.
I’d love to write a book that helps women begin to compartmentalize sex just a bit more and get more realistic expectations about the real man that she’s with….and not make HIM crazy for being who he is ! I hear the horror stories via the phone sex calls, this blog, etc. What do y’all think? Would you WANT Me to write a book for the women of the world about real men and real sex?
I think accepting the other person for who (what) they are and are NOT is one of the sexiest things ever!
And, when I was single……I actually DID say, ‘Fuck it Knight Rider’ I’m not settling for ‘less’ then I now know myself to be and want. I didn’t want to ‘settle’ for less than the total package. Once I made that decision, sent it out into the Universe with courage, love and passion ….. well, My guy showed up via a mutual love of music! He is and we are the ‘total package.’ We’re both VERY lucky 🙂
~laughing again ~ I have to go now John……~heads out to get potato salad~ hahahhahahahhahahahhaahhahahahahhahahhahah
i don’t want You to mis-interpret my upbringing, Ms. Olivia. the only arena where i felt cheated was in communication…across all subjects. my folks would never even address finances in front of my brother & i, so we were blissfully unaware of budget constraints & the like. although, here to, a dose of reality would probably have helped down the road, lol.
in fact, my own dad sowed the seeds for my own interest in kink quite by accident. they had neighborhood friends over for a cocktail party with my brother and i banished, in theory at least, to bed. instead, forever curious, i was eavesdropping. at one point, & i’ve no idea (or at least memory of) what caused him to say it, my dad announced that my mom “…didn’t hit hard, but she hit often!” now my dad was 6’3.5″ & a good 230 lbs, while my mom was 5’2″ & maybe 115 lbs. its an image that stuck in my head a long time, supplemented by the realization that, whatever my father’s status as “breadwinner,” mom ruled the roost.
You can see where i developed a certain “femdom” model in my head! 😉
LOL Coffeeboy…….*nods* …. real talk about sex is rare in families and, therefore, society in general. Same thing with the various subjects that are really difficult to talk about …. finances being one of them. I think politics and religion get talked about more in terms of number of words but there’s a gap between the public conversation and the private conversations that involve more questions. Remember how *shocked* the world was when Mother T’s letters were revealed after her death? (I’m not using her name on the blog by design out of respect.) Same thing.
THANK YOU for talking about some of your personal origins of the love of Femdom! It’s amazing to Me that a *chance* comment like that one can create an energy that reaches far into the future. When I’m on an appropriate phone sex call I always ask about the early experiences because when I tap into that vein…..the play goes to a whole different level.
when You tap into those early experiences, Ms. Olivia, You are reaching the essence of that person & the lucky individual at the other end is getting so much more than phone sex from You at that point. it seems to be what You love the most…
@ coffeeboy ….. awwww thank you ! AND, some people only want *just* phone sex without all the psychology and that is totally hot and fun TOO ! I’m sort of the phone sex buffet where you can get what you want with the condiments that you choose. LOL Okay, that’s a signal to sign out and head to My favorite salad bar! LOL ….. although there are various fetishes that have food items in the play……I digress from the digression and blame magnus for that!
wonder what it says about me that my favorite condiment is habenero sauce?
aiiiiii and Me too! I love the hot stuff!
Sorry I probably wasn’t clear enough in my post. All relationships take commitment & communication to work. I have never been married but I think we both can agree that marriage is at a higher level in regards to the work both partners have to put in.
They both have more invested and in theory, should be open to work through their differences. The give and take to come to a mutual agreement. Do you see what I mean? No one is going to get everything they want. I’m not going to cater to all her wants all the time, and she won’t do all of mine, but hopefully we can meet somewhere in the middle.
LOL @ Dennis …… yes, as you said, that’s the THEORY of marriage. So, there’s a gap between rhetoric and reality. In all of life. I would love to SAY I only watch *important and smart* documentaries but the reality is that on a cold rainy day I can watch House reruns show after show! Until My mind MELTS. LOL
In theory people who are married have more invested and therefore will try harder with one another and, as you pointed out, meet in the middle. In practice, any relationship is made up of two people each of whom are at varying levels in their own personal self knowledge, growth and abilities to interact with others. Not everyone is comfortable with intimacy. Some people shy away from *talking*. Some even have unrealistic ideas about their emotional maturity. So, the theory breaks apart in the reality of human beings, being human.
Does that make sense?
Some men call phone sex because the life at home sucks (not in a good way) and the phone relationship is a way to connect in ways that the wife refuses to or is unable to do. There’s a middle ground between care/compassion/love and dying inside because you are ‘married’ to the wrong partner. That is a hard decision and choice no matter what is decided. And, marriage is a tricky training ground — witness the number of divorces. Still, I am a romantic and like you WANT to believe the theory. LOL Sort of like the famous saying, “Trust but verify.” Funny but ultimately accurate.