I got a question recently from a man who is married. You all know that I don’t consider fetish phone sex cheating. We both know that men call phone sex for many reasons. One of the main reasons for an online Mistress is to have a partner to who also enjoys what turns you on. Here’s just one example: a guy who is cum curious because he wants to suck another man’s cock.
Fantasies about eating cum
Having a cum eating fantasy doesn’t automatically mean that you want to suck cock but that might be part of your sexual desire. I have a caller who yearns to suck cock but he is concerned with cock sucking safety issues because he is married. We talked about cock sucking safety and I suggested he explore eating his own cum during our fantasy phone sex sessions. It’s a perfect compromise for him.
Having your cum and eat it too
Here’s what I think about cheating and marriage. There are all kinds of agreements in a marriage. You and your partner decide together what is cheating in your relationship. For some women (I’m one of them) kinky sexual behavior is not emotional cheating. My personal thing about honesty in a relationship has to do with sexual health … so my personal partner and I don’t have sex secrets that might give the other a sexually transmitted disease. That’s my limit and our agreement.
What are your thoughts? You know I’m curious!
Ms Olivia
Oh Olivia,
Me – I tend to be loyal but I like to play with lots of different phone Mistresses, I definitely agree that calling phonesex isn’t cheating. That being said, what I consider to be cheating and what a future spouse or partner considers to be cheating may differ, which is why if a relationship started to get serious, I would introduce her to the women I call on the phone (well, first make sure she isn’t freaked out, don’t want her going ballistic)
The phone gives a way for exploration of emotions and desires that is sometimes much harder to do, and calling a Mistress to do that does not mean one is not faithful to their partner.
But here’s the thing, the kind of relationship I want is with a very sexually aggressive woman that I can’t keep up with. I want her to be *my* one and only but I don’t want to be *her* one and only, I don’t know if I would be up to being part of her experiencing another man but I certainly want her to feel free to experience other men, especially since I know the kind of woman I want is probably not the kind I can sexually satiate.
But even though I would play around with other women except under her explicit direction, I would still want to call phonesex and not because she isn’t woman enough for me, but to a large extent because it can help me learn how to interact with her, what things I can do that will take her by surprise that she will enjoy.
And I think that is extremely important to any relationship between two (or more) people. Without phonesex and the kinky minds on the other end of the line to help inspire me, I don’t know if I would be able to have a successful relationship with the kind of woman I want to be with. But for me, she has to agree, I wouldn’t want to keep phonesex a secret from her and I hope she would not only be understanding of it, but glad that I am doing it. Just like I would be glad when she craves something more than me and goes out and gets it.
Monogamy might be right for some peope but I don’t think it is a good model for many people, and I think kink can keep both happy when it is openly practiced with the support of the other person in the relationship.
I’m still learning a lot and forming thoughts, wish I had headed down this path 20 years ago…
VERY good points Alice! Here’s something to think about. There generally isn’t a “static” definition of monogamy (at least in my humble opinion). Consider the definition:the practice or state of being married to one person at a time. the practice or state of having a sexual relationship with only one partner. the habit of having only one mate at a time.
Now, add the things that happen in fetish and kink play. Is that a “sexual” relationship if the Domme doesn’t have intercourse? Is it sexual if the Mistress DIRECTS the cock sucking in a cuckold scene? Is a kinky spanking sexual? Hmmmmmmmmm. Short answer (my personal favorite as you know) is IT DEPENDS! ~laughs~
This is one thing that this phone sex career has really taught me …. it’s the importance of making sure that each person involved has the SAME definition of a term. For example, I am in a committed partnership with 1 man. That said, we’re active in the fetish kink scene so we both had to agree on limits, boundaries, etc. Oh and, not to mention, I also masturbate on some phone sex calls — is THAT cheating? Not in our world but I imagine that what we do wouldn’t work for everyone. I always say, it’s difficult to put people into ‘boxes’ no matter how convenient it seems like it would be … it’s much like herding cats! ~laughs~