The so-called ‘normal’ sex is really a myth.
If you think you are the only straight man fantasizing about sucking cock, you’re wrong. If you think it might be odd to feel the sexual pleasure of pain or the counter-intuitive desire to have wicked orgasm control, then rest easy.
Your erotic fantasies are normal! I know this because I hear ALL about what real men think about when it comes to sex fantasies!
That said, let Me answer the specific question and topic from a man new to phone sex.
“Every fantasy I have involves some mode of cock control and chastity. I understand the theory of why I might be interested in domination but it still seems bizarre to me. Revenge, ie, women scorned seem to be somewhat a constant too. Is that common?”
I agree with him. It’s very freeing and sexy to have your partner in control of the sex play or able to “Dominate” you…but he’s asking about a level of play that is more intricate than merely Mistress in charge. Erotic fantasies are like people, no two are alike. I don’t ever do cookie-cutter sessions with the same theme or scene used for different callers. Each session is tailored to the individual and to do that I gently ask you questions. This is especially important to find out what level and style of cock control is a turn on for you.
Kinds of questions asked by the Experienced Mistress
Now, I don’t interrogate you (unless that’s what you’re interested in!). I weave the questions into our playful, erotic conversation so you often don’t even know that I’m getting to know you very intimately. For this caller I would insert phrases like: “Fear is a very powerful emotion. Have you experienced this and felt a sexual charge?” I will intuitively know that he’s identifying at least some level of interest in erotic humiliation so I’ll ask questions about his revenge fantasies (and more). There is an art to really sexy erotic humiliation so I want to make sure I know if he’s looking for that or a mindfuck or, both! It’s all VERY detailed and I take your pleasure (and pain) very seriously!
So, I’d like to hear from you. How do you communicate what you want or need to your Mistress?
Ms Olivia
Good morning, MsOlivia! I certainly do understand having questions as to whether one’s own kinks are weird or not. I think a big part of that is that kinks are still not something that are discussed very much in the open. That’s changing some, yes, but it’s still not there. I think there are a lot more people with kinks than we know about because of that non-discussion. I’m not saying we should run down the street screaming what it is we like, and certainly there are places like the workplace where it should be avoided, but it’s too bad it’s not discussed more among friends or at parties or whatever. I recently did find out a friend of mine is rather kinky herself and to be honest, I would not have guessed that she was. (No kinkdar here, I guess.)
Oh YES, you’re right magnus. Not sure how in the world to change that or even if it should be changed. Personally, I’m not sure I ‘want’ to know the intimate sexual life or kinky sex fantasies of everyone I meet! ~laughs~ In fact, I know I don’t. In a non-sexual workplace, it’s very clear that sex topics should be avoided for ethical and legal reasons. I just remember how knocked out people were when the first Kinsey report came out and that began the conversation about the discrepancy between reality and image/fiction. In recent years there’s been a little bit of a ohhhhhhh about fetish/kink, especially when it shows up in popular culture (think movie or fashion). But, there’s still almost a giggle factor there because people are uncomfortable. That’s probably humans being human.
Cock control for me is about power exchange first. Second, it’s about self control. Mistress gives me the blessing of bestowing on me her will, her control. Without it, I might not have the discipline to deny and to prove myself. Ultimately, it’s about self control, too, when it comes to a phone session. A caller really is cheating himself when he willfully disobeys. That’s something I’ve never done. If I was ever imperfect in execution of a command, then it simply because I temporarily got lost in the moment. When I call, I want the full BDSM experience. Why would I cheat myself out of that? The gift of will and discipline from Mistress has taught me and made me capable of self control. She may be the majority owner of stock in my cock, especially during a session, but I remain the operator of my penis. That gift of self control is a big one. Back in the vanilla world, it has made me the self-disciplined, self-controlled operator of my cock and my lust. It no longer runs me. I tell it what to do. What a weird and wonderful twist: my submission in BDSM actually has empowered me psycho-sexually as an individual man.
This is well said benner! YES……it’s similar to working hard for a particular goal. For example, when I’m exercising and “in training” for an adventure travel trek, My daily workouts have a different “feel” and experience. So, masturbating FOR a Mistress or someone who understands cock control will give you a very different experience of WHY you are stroking, HOW you are stroking and more.
I love that you’ve pointed out the direct benefit from something like looks like opposites! Isn’t that the truth with BDsm ?? There is FREEDOM in submission…..flying in being bound….pleasure in pain….etc. The dichotomy is one of the things that is so delicious about any fetish play! It’s so smart and wicked….which makes it very sexy to Me! 🙂
Ms. Olivia, what a wonderful post – I love the idea of opening a discussion on this topic. Like every Mistress, I have also been asked this question, and have even had clients wonder if they are “twisted” because of the desires they have. My response: “Do you think I am weird or twisted?”. Being good little pets, they always respond with, “Of course not! You’re a Goddess!”. My point exactly! I share in all of those wonderful, erotic fantasies just like they do…and I am certainly not weird or twisted. The joy of exploring fantasies is having the freedom to share openly and honestly. I know your clients are very fortunate to have such a caring, and wickedly understanding Mistress as you! 🙂
Ahhhhhh thank you for taking your time to leave a comment Ms Sierra! ~laughs~ I’ve used that technique as well….the “well, do you think that comment applies to Me” question. Then the sputtering starts. Some people ask if I think they’re losers for calling phone sex and I ask them if they think I’m a loser for doing phone sex!? I’m certainly not a loser. I’m a creative, smart and experienced Mistress who weaves erotic fantasies on the phone. It’s amazing! And, you Ms Sierra know that high end phone sex is the doorway to sexual creativity!
I am curious on peoples thoughts on this, how do you communicate what you want or need when you, yourself do not know what you want or need. I am kind of like this myself.
Let’s see what others say Forrest! Yours is a good question. I’m pretty good a being able to *sense* what someone wants but I’m not perfect. I would imagine that, for you, things would be difficult because if you don’t know what you want — then how would you know if you got it? How do you handle things like that?
I am not even sure if saying I do not know what I want is the best way to put it. The whole idea is about fantasy, sexual fantasy to be specific. I have no sexual fantasies. This comes from something deeper in me. I have no interest in partnered sex, no sexual attraction as it where. I could not even say if I have handled this in any real way other than to say that I have accepted that this is who I am.
Forrest, have you heard of something called asexuality? It’s actually not that uncommon. I’m going to send you a couple of links in a private email. I think the really important thing to say here is hell to the yeah you should be accepted for who you are! ~smiles~
I imagine the mistress asking questions after i give her a direction to go in, a path based on what interests me and what does not, and going from there. I think half the fun would be the whole taboo-shattering experience of having such a conversation.
Oh YES!!! I totally agree with you Ray! Part of the fun and the sexual arousal for Me is the *hunt* as it were. It’s My experience of talking with you…having conversations that you just don’t have with anyone else anywhere else in your life. These conversations are the ones that I call on the “edge” of life. And when it’s getting to know you and what turns you on these erotic conversations are like the best of flirting and foreplay! And THEN…..omg! Finding out what your sexual triggers are….that is so HOT to this Experienced Mistress! (Plus I love hearing that surprised little *gasp* when I guess something right.) *wink*
my problem isn’t not knowing what i like, i certainly know that 😛 but articulating it nervously to a beautiful woman..I imagine some struggle there…
Ahhhhhh, now that’s where it helps that I’m the Experienced Mistress. Trust Me on this one…..I can get in your head and find out the most amazing facts and fantasies about you! And……the fun part is that you’ll love every minute of your erotic interrogation! ~smiles~ OH!
Ray brings up a good point, expressing ‘kinky’ erotic thoughts would definitly fall under the catagory of ‘I have NEVER told anyone else this but…’. The fun part for me would also come from expanding on my erotic triggers, after all we can all learn a thing or two from each other. I have a few trigger words but who knows what others are out there waiting to be discovered !
You are so right! I also learn soooooo much from y’all! I learn and grow as a Mistress as a result of calls that I do with all of you. I can hear and see more in a month than most women learn about sex, sex fetishes and sexuality in years! *licks lips* This is just one of the many reasons why I love to do this! ~smiles~