The previous post was about what it takes to be a male submissive. Since that post went up I’ve heard from phone sex callers who identify as in femme mode or female. You can probably tell from this blog that I have a fluid view of gender identification. I know that many crossdressers identify as male but use the crossdressing as part of a session of erotic kinkiness. There are others of you that identify as female or as a sissy slut who is female (not male). There are so many variations. YOU are unique!
Don’t settle for less
I am all about the nuances! When a potential caller contacts Me, it starts the conversation. I don’t have *cookie cutter* answers about fantasy phone sex sessions because I’m not a *cookie cutter* person and since you’re reading this blog, neither are you! Most of the Mistresses here have strong feelings about your individuality; here’s a great post by Ms Scarlet about the common question of “What’s your favorite type of session.” See? We are as unique as YOU are!
‘male’ to female submissive
So let’s explore the complexity of submission …. this time from the perspective of the female submissive! Chrissy has identified as a sissy slut but in conversation I told her that I see MORE. Sure, slut is one part of her personality, just like for many females. Remember My blog post about the Experienced Mistress as an above average slut!? ~laughs~ But, like all people, she is much more than just her intense erotic arousal. Here’s her email:
Dear Mistress Olivia,Here is my first attempt to write about what it takes to be a FEMALE SUBMISSIVE 😉i was most interested to read what all the boys wrote about what it took to be a male submissive but there was a side of me that was not truly relating to their experiences, and it wasn’t until i was chatting in IM with You that i realised what was “missing”!! As You so correctly elucidated Mistress Olivia… i am not a male submissive at all!! i am a female submissive… and NOW, at Your delicious request Mistress, i am going to attempt to describe what i believe it takes for a biological male to be a female submissive.
YOU know what you want and need
i guess the first step was to start trusting those deep stirrings that i have had since boyhood (~giggles~ or, should that be girlhood?). By stirrings, i mean the simple things… the way that, despite being quite a sporty boy, i loved to be around my sisters and their girlfriends because i felt warm and fuzzy in their company.i liked the way they lay around and chatted about emotions, i liked the way my voice seemed connected to my heart and that i didn’t have to jostle and spa to get a word in edgeways. i also liked the feeling of the winter sun on my skin, and the way the girls would caress each other and comment on their appearance and fashion choices.
The inner life
i also liked the way i felt deep inside… the softness of my heart, the pliability of my ego, and my willingness to undertake chores like making tea or walking to the shops.i began to realise that my sense of style was more honed than the other boys, that i liked to look good and have my soccer outfits to be coordinated even if it was just to go have a kick in the park. i was deeply drawn to moisturiser and perfumes and long hot baths at the end of the day. infact it was during those bath sessions that i first started trying on my sisters’ friends panties and tennis dresses, gazing at my lithe body and my lovely legs, carefully applying lipstick to my dry chapped lips, gazing into my eyes and feeling kind of alarmed but incredibly sexy!!
The turnon of Feminine Power
Very soon, i began to realise that what turned me on most was the POWER that the other girls had over me, and how much i wanted to emulate and please them… The power the dominant girls had over me back then was based on my deep yearning for them, not only to touch them and taste them BUT to be like them… to laugh lightly and girlishly, to flaunt their beauty, to toss their hair and to enjoy the gaze of the guys as they walked by. However, i knew that i couldn’t be like them because it was taboo BUT i also knew there was something deeper at work. There was some kind of fracture or schism in my own psyche, almost a betrayal of my true nature… and that -in some way that i simply didn’t have the language for at the time- my soul/spirit was being corroded. This was in the early 1980s and androgeny was hip, so i got away with wearing eye shadow and gender-fucking fashion. But the thing is that i was still operating under the assumption of masculinity. Perhaps not main stream masculinity but masculinity nevertheless…. and i was in denial!!
You KNOW what you desire
So i guess that this is a long winded way of saying that i think it is important to be really honest about who you are and where your yearnings for kink come from. For me… being a submissive female goes beyond a wonderfully thrilling and taboo busting spectacle…this is it SO FAR!!LOVE chrissy XOXOXO
Thank you to chrissy for details of her experiences. Now, it’s time for YOU to participate. Do you identify with what chrissy is saying? I suspect that many of the straight submissive men will understand about the LURE of Female Power. For the girly girls or femme girls, please tell Me (and us) about your experiences. I love to hear ALL about you!
ps I know I didn’t answer the implicit question in the blog title. I want to set it up first and have YOU answer that question…..What DOES it take to be a female submissive. *gestures and smiles* Please, talk amongst yourselves!
As a transgender girl who is transitioning, I consider myself a submissive female. But only to women. Like Chrissy I take my femininity very seriously. I am most definitely a girly girl. Very passable and extremely comfortable out I’m public as a woman. I am extremely attracted to dominant females. I crave to please them by showing them how feminine I have become. Plus taking it even deeper. That’s one side of female power and dominance.
The other side is the power of femininity I possess with males. I have learned the power of femininity. How to flirt. The subtle things girls do to drive guys crazy. It I’d amazing how many guys want TG girls to domme them. Some even desire feminization. I currently am feminizing a cute sissy by the name of Linzi. She will submit to most anything I desire.
WOW, Adrea…….I love that comment! Thank you! Now…..I have to hear more, much more about being a TG girl and dominating men. Tell, tell, tell!
Oh and to other blog readers, I’ve seen Andrea’s modeling photos and she IS very feminine and very much the submissive female with Me. You are LOVELY! Now…….tell us more! ~laughs~ I might turn it into a blog post about MORE feminine power…..which is what you’re talking about and I hadn’t even thought of!
First, before you write that……get into something extra filly and let your beautifully manicured nails do the typing! 🙂
I think that in a lot of ways submission for females can be a very loaded subject. A woman submitting to a man has all the weight of feminism looking scornfully down on her — so it becomes much more of a deliberate choice to submit! When everything tells us that women today must be strong, in control, powerful… that we must ALL have that Feminine Power, all the time, submission becomes very very alluring (for much the same reasons male submission is so alluring). Being able to set down the roles, the expectations, the endless thoughts and simply BE in the moment is intoxicating and addictive.
For female submissives, the act of submitting is probably the most freeing thing they’ve done all day. Becoming female and partaking of that mantle of feminine power can also be freeing, but it comes with a responsibility, too. Great power gives great responsibility, and sometimes it’s nice to take a break from it. Having someone you trust enough to hand over your responsibility, someone who will retain your essential femaleness, while still pushing your boundaries, driving you to ecstasy and bringing you to your knees is like the holy grail of submissives.
And, female submission gives females a chance to safely explore the other archetype of Femaleness: the Slut. Whore, sacred prostitute, eager cock gobbler, the Black Madonna… she’s a powerful image, and in submission, you can embrace that image and make it your own, without feeling as tho you carry that with you at all times. As soon as you’re done submitting, being Mistress’s slutty toy, you put it down and go back to being the Good Girl, the Powerful Business Woman, the Career Girl or the more complex and multi faceted reality of who you are.
😉 Great post, Olivia! Very thought provoking!
Hi Harper! Thank you for posting your comments!
I particularly enjoyed your thoughts about our crossdressing and sissy friends who use phone sex to explore those archetypes!
One of the triggers in exploring the ‘dark’ side is to use terms that in any other circumstance would be offensive. I know you totally get this and I swear I will never see broccoli without thinking of your great blog post about erotic humiliation! ((Read Harper’s post, I’m not saying that broccoli is an offensive term ~laughs~))
To go from the man looking at lacy lingerie, to being trapped into wearing the panties (and more) and then whipped around from the Good Girl to the sissy slut……that is FUN! *wink*
Hi Harper……WOW !!! That comment is FANTASTIC and thoughtful……..I sure can relate to the Archetypes and how we explore all these in phone sex conversations. I’ve always had an interest in exploring archetypes, roles, expectations, boundaries and limits. It’s almost like mapping a geographic boundary and then sneaking across the boarder just because the boarder is THERE.
Wonderful and insightful comments above. Like Chrissy above, I had sisters and their friends that I admired and envied. I found that when I dressed in their clothes, I felt safe, calm and at peace. I took time out from my typical male youth to enjoy brief periods of indulging my fantasies. At seveteen, I spent a day in the city dressed and seemed to pass. I was estatic! My adventures in exploring my female side taught me a lot. Like Adrea, I found there were men that wanted me to dominate them and I enjoyed accomodating those men. I tend to be an assertive confident person regardless of my appearance. I don’t think of myself as a slut or a sissy and I’m not even particularly “girly”. I admire strong, confident, smart, insightful women and try to project that image myself. Having said that, I love to be submissive to such women. I realize I can only imitate them but I can’t BE them. I love giving up control but only to women and only to those I respect and trust.
I also love Ms. Olivia, her blog and the great folks in this community. It’s a lot more fun and less expensive than therapy! Hugs to all.
awww Jamie……thank you ! ~laughs~ I do like that phrase *therapy with a happy ending*! And, some calls might be less expensive, some more expensive….My longest phone sex call was 13 hours! But there were numerous THERAPEUTIC modalities used in the session, the Stages of Change, were very much in play. The cognitive behavioral therapy worked wonders on the HEAD. ~laughs~ OMG, Jamie…..here I am riffing on puns on therapy!
I’m bein’ silly girl 🙂
SERIOUSLY, I can sooooooooo relate to the sheer joy of playing Power Exchange games and scenes with someone you respect and trust. I can be wicked with someone but NOT with someone that I don’t think is inherently well, solid, amazing, etc. Otherwise is not wicked, it’s just cruel. Big difference.
Ms. Olivia, i am most definitely a submissive male, but i can certainly testify to the fluidity of gender identity and to Andrea’s point about the power that even a TG Domme wields.
i think i’ve mentioned (maybe too often) that my 1st Phone Domme was TG, & from the first She was like a force of nature. if She were the hurricane blowing through my life for too short an interval, i was akin to a palm before Her will.
i don’t know whether it was serious or not, but Her stated intention was to turn me into Her submissive little sister…and i wanted desperately to please Her.
However, once W/we lost touch, the urge to be feminized just drifted off like morning mist.
Coffeeboy I don’t think you mentioned She was TG! I know for a fact that all the ohhhhh shiney objects in the world would let THAT new slide by My view!
You know as well as I do that in subspace so many things turn fluid and gender is just one of those things. I’ve played and been in intense Domme space that there’s an amazing visceral …. hmmmmm……*thing* going on that defines words (and you know I know words!)
I’ve even experience that Domme / submissive Power Exchange ZING on phone sex calls —- easier in some ways, harder in others than other types of BDsm play.
When I read the title of this post, I was thinking something a bit different. The post was very interesting of course but seemed to focus more on being a girl in general than being submissive as one. Certainly it did go into the wanting to please and be like the other genetic girls there, and that certainly is submission, no argument. I was thinking more along the lines of how it’s been more of a societal norm throughout history, though much much less so in recent decades, for the woman to be the submissive to the man. Think of the doting wife cleaning the house and raising the children while the man goes off to work. (Big time stereotype there, but you get the idea.) Or perhaps a more extreme example of the man believing it his right to have sex with his wife whenever he wants. I’m quite glad times have changed since that for the most part, but certainly the tradition had been for the womam to be in the subserviant role overall.
So that’s what I was thinking here, wanting to be the submissive female, subserviant or maybe the image of the damsel in distress or the helpless female tied to the railroad tracks.
I totally agree with the being honest to oneself part. I know it can be quite difficult when there is something about oneself that’s not generally accepted by most others. It’s sad but it’s also life and I commend the writer for being who she is.
Dear Mistress Olivia,
Thank You for posting my musings about what it takes to be a female submissive. And thanks too Andrea for your comments!!
Since opening myself to the concept of being a female submissive, i feel like i have arrived home!! Suddenly it all makes sense to me and i am spending all my spare time reading blogs etc by female submissives… and learning as much as i can!! OMG i relate so deeply!!
Subtle and not so subtle shifts are occurring… the most interesting thing is that since i have surrendered into my new role, i have found that Women in general treat me differently: i am experiencing openness and warmth like never before, and a kind of un-stated sisterhood that i love. Also, i have almost magically attracted Female Dominants into my life without really trying… Women who are looking for maid services, for example, are contacting me.
i want to keep writing about this… exploring what it means for me sexually!! i know that my role is evolving quickly, and frankly i am begining to grasp on a very deep level how my new role will be to PROVIDE pleasure with my mouth and my hands, and for my various holes to be PENETRATED by Dominants. But more of that later, i think the first things to do are maintain and enhance my appearance, and to become truly service oriented.
Much gratitude to Mistress Olivia!!
Hi chrissy, thank you so much for posting a followup! Please keep us up to date with your journey.
All of life is about learning about others, yourself and relationships. I do think that each individual has intuitive capacities to be ‘of service.’ The trick is always to find those who have needs that match up with your desire to give. With all the people in the world that’s totally do-able as you’ve mentioned here. Oh and I do believe that the Universe sends us the right people at the right time.
Tell us how it goes 🙂
Ive done many many calls with MsOlivia of her drossdressing me!!!And they were awesome!!!I could never be dom with her even if I wanted to. Her pictures as well as her voice are sooo hot.Im not into transgender surgery but women coercing me to become a girl. I really cant say no to MsOlivia and why would I? It would ruin calls as well as relationship Even though its only phone calls I consider her my mistress as well as my girlfriend..I havnt called in long while but will do so starting in fall. I just dont want family to find out and I have to do calls late at night. But for real shes one who wears pants in our relationship and I dont mind that on bit….How can I if she has me in bra/panty? I cant. Shes the boss.
~laughs~ Oh I’ve put your in WAY more than just bras and panties! In fact, one of My favorite phone sex calls was when Ms Violet and I took you shopping (as My boyfriend) and then we switched the tables and had YOU in that prom dress! Not just the dress, but EVERYTHING…….makeup, hair, clothes, accessories, all of it. Lo and behold…..you started out as our guy friend and then you were one of the girls! YUMMY!