Mistress or Goddess
I got an email from a submissive who wants to know My thoughts on the various labels I use. I hadn’t really thought of this before. Sometimes I will call Myself a Goddess, Empress, Mistress or even other defining terms like Cuckoldress or Masturbatrix. For Me, the labels are scene dependent and are yet another way to create our relationship in a scene.
Labels on women
There have been so many labels on women through the years…and there still are. Many names have connotations that aren’t thought to be nice: Temptress, femme fatale, Jezebel, etc.
Even the word Mistress can have many meanings ranging from the Femdom use of Mistress as the Female Dominant to the use of mistress as the other woman (and all THAT means). Even in the BDsm world there are distinctions between various types of Mistress, for example the difference between a Lifestyle Mistress and fantasy Mistress.
Terms we use
There are also terms that we use here to refer to ourselves. Enchantrix is a label created from our adult social networking site, Enchantrix Empire. Masturbatrix is also a term that I think is unique to our community. Have you heard the term Masturbatrix?
One caller offers these definitions
I really like this list! While I don’t think that a label is automatically a good fit for an individual, I really like the thought put into this list and wanted to share it with you.
Temptress: A woman who is new to tempting herself & her male partner. Not alot of experience but more than ready to learn and execute her desires with his desires knowing she is the one in charge. A couple of years before becoming an Empress.
Empress: A woman with more experience of her desires, fantasies,(along with his)while keeping her men full of open thoughts to learn more from them and being in complete control the entire time. A few more years before Goddess is earned.
Goddess: A woman that has everything a Temptress & Empress has only with Much more experience. More pleasures, fantasies & being told by her men Many times,”How Beautiful She Is!” She knows her beauty & now how to control men with it. (Uses it to her advantage) Many years of Goddess before reaching “Mistress” status.
Finally; Mistress: a woman who knows her beauty & can control ANY male with it. A woman who has Many years of experience in pleasure and pain. She is Always in control and knows how to put her men in their place. Punishment and Rewards are given to her men. She can be polite & she can be extremely cruel. “Don’t mess with The Mistress” attitude.
What do YOU think? What do YOU want to call Me?
Post your comments in the comments section and I’ll reply. Do you have a favorite term? Why is that one your favorite? I’m looking forward to this conversation!
Ms Olivia
Wow! May I personally Thank You Mistress Olivia?! I would like to call you a Goddess & a Mistress if I may. Sooo Beautiful and you know what you want & how to make a submissive feel sooo good as well. Demanding yet caring. A Wonderful Blog Mistress Olivia and I look forward to other posts here.
Why thank you so much sweet stroker pet! I am a Goddess, a Mistress and, as you know, soooo much more….there is, after all, that *something* that happens during a great session that is a bit of transcendence that has been described as access to the Divine. There the Me, there’s the you and then there’s MORE. ~smiles~ I’m so glad your comment brings that to My mind and, of course, it makes Me ~smile~ !
Mistress Olivia is what i would wish to call you if i am so allowed. For years it is the norm to refer to a dominant woman as Mistress ( at least for me). Empress or Goddess doesn’t feel natural or should say it doesn’t flow off the tongue. In the heat of the moment i would want things to come natural without the hiccups of trying to say your name correctly. I would think You would want the same thing. Not to have the momment interrupted by someone stuttering ummm Goddess…Empr…Mistress Olivia. I would think You would train your subs exactly what name You wished to be called. Beacause when You get down to what really matters it is what You want that really matters. In time i may call You Mistress but i will be thinking Perfection.
I agree with you pet! I want things to flow *smoothly* and I don’t like when something like a label (simply for the sake of using a particular label) breaks the flow. You described that in exactly the right way. There’s sometimes a point to doing things like “what to call Mistress” as part of training but I always say that the actions should be in service OF the scene and the play….rather than actions simply for the sake of ‘doing’ something. Each and every *thing* I do with you or actions I have you take will always be ‘in service of’ the SENSATIONS I want to create when I am creating My masterpiece on My cock and balls….which might be My ‘Mistress-piece” ~laughs~ I’m having the BEST time with you, pet, THANK YOU!
Well to all of us, including myself, you are a Goddess. To the lucky few you are called Mistress. To me, I would call you both, but I dream of calling you Cuckoldress! 🙂
~grinz~ Good one, Mike! I think you have certainly earned the right to call Me Cuckoldress! ~smiles~ Don’t you? *licks lips at the memory*
Hi Ms
I always refer to You as my Mistress. I love that you are in control and I just adore dressing up for you. Like you say, “A chef in the kitchen, a lady in the living room, and a vixen in the bedroom. For you I am all of the above 🙂
xxxx
yvonne
Oh yes yvonne! I think of Myself as your Mistress as well…..and also sometimes as you Femdom lover with you as My lesbian lover! ~smiles~
Hi,
I like that You describe labeling for Yourself as scene-dependent. That seems flexible and appropriate.
I’m guessing You decide together with each subbie what lable or title is apporpriate or comfortable on a case-by-case basis.
Even so, the distinction between lifestyle BDSM and fantasy is a very useful distinction. No doubt many Mistresses will be both lifestyle with their own partners and circle of realtionships, and then have a ‘fantasy’ and/or professional activity as well. At least I think it’s likely some Mistresses might.
That makes me wondre about what I am. I, as of recently, see mysaelf in several roles. I am not entirely a sub. 🙂
xxx,
Jenni
Hi Jenni, as you know I am a real life Mistress and active in the real life fetish scene. I don’t describe Myself as a Lifestyle Mistress because, to My mind, that means I’m “in character” all the time with relationships. Actually, with My personal/private life and the phone sex connections I’m more varied as a woman. Sessions and life are all about the variety of ways to connect. Now, other people have different definitions of Lifestyle Mistress so it’s important to remember that’s just My take on things. I firmly believe each person has the opportunity to create definitions that are appropriate for the individual. For example, I enjoyed you saying that you’re not entirely a sub so now you’re exploring how you describe yourself. Isn’t that a FUN inquiry? 🙂
Hello Olivia,
This is an interesting topic. I generally use the term `Mistress’ but often times I find myself not using any salutation at all. When I don’t use a salutation, it often indicates I have a feeling of kinship, that I see the mistress as a friend.
While some may consider that to be a compliment, that doesn’t mean it has to be that way, if she prefers I use a salutation then I most certainly will do my best to try to remember to do so, and it won’t change how I view her. In fact I kind of like it when a mistress asserts herself in demanding I change something (whether it be salutation or something else.)
The salutation `Goddess’ is an interesting one for me. Often I will refer to a mistress as a goddess, but in those cases I generally leave it lower case, it does not indicate to me that she is an actual deity and if a mistress tried to assert herself as an actual deity, I was slowly back away, turn around, and run. People with a god complex are dangerous.
But what it does mean to me is that she has an exceptionally beautiful persona that makes we want to worship and adore her and devote myself to her. But probably due to the way I was raised, I just have a mental problem using an upper case g, and if a goddess insisted that I did, that probably would result in my not communicating (well, first I would talk to her about it as she may not realize what is going on)
As far as using the term as a salutation, there I have to capitalize it because salutations are suppose to be capitalized (er, at least I think) but there is only one mistress I feel really compelled to do that with – Goddess Hannah. I would have trouble calling her anything but Goddess Hannah.
Then there is Princess. I’ll be honest, I don’t really like that salutation. I love a tease princess, but– and this is a problem with me, it is NOT a problem with those who use it, when I hear Princess – for some reason my mind gets the impression that she’s shallow. What comes to mind for some reason is the clique cheerleader always willing for the football jock even when the jocks are jerks to them.
Princess Andi proved beyond any shadow of doubt that that is not the case. She blew my mind, and when I hear Princess associated with Princess Andi – that doesn’t even enter my mind, and it is entering my mind less and less now that I have been exposed to Andi, but I confess for some reason it still is there.
Empress – that salutation doesn’t really do anything for me, but with some names it just seems a really good fit. Empress Ivy just flows so smoothly, better than any other salutation I can think of.
Enchantrix – Oh God I love that title, that rocks, it really rocks, I bow down before the goddess who thought of that whoever she may be. It is such an expressive title, I never was really fond of `dominatrix’ though I don’t mind it, but the dominatrixes that I love the most are the ones that lure me in by enchanting me, and Enchantrix is the perfect expression of that.
Also, since it is exclusive to LDW, I know that when a domme has the title of Enchantrix that she is a very high quality top notch domme and that is something worth knowing before I get down on my knees to worship her.
WOW and WOW! Thank you SO MUCH for this Alice! Thank you also for taking your time to let us see your thought process! I really enjoy the *peek* inside….you know what I mean…the person within/behind/beyond the persona. I like to see or get to know the whole package. You’re right about the term Empress and it really DOES fit Empress Ivy so beautifully but somehow Empress Olivia has never *sounded* like a perfect fit.
You mentioned Princess Andi…….OMG, I absolutely adore her tooooooooo ! She’s a very dear friend of mine…we talk books all the time, she also loves to read! Oh yes, she can play the bratty princess just like I can play the bitch but we are both thoughtful, playful women.
Want to hear some of the back story about how Enchantrix came to be? AND, the credit (like other great ideas here) goes to Ms Ally! Ms Ally came up with the idea of an adult social networking site as a way for all of us to *connect* with one another. A community of people rather than simply a collections of individuals on calls. THEN she starting thinking, brainstorming and creating…..voila! She settled on Enchantrix Empire which is such a FUN name isn’t it? It’s easy on the tongue and we do all love being “enchanting” because that is so much MORE than simply sexy or dominant or whatever. I absolutely LOVE that you correctly identify that the title Enchantrix is our brand and if I could sum up the LDW brand in one word it would be CLASS. We’re classy even as we’re being wicked, or naughty or downright mean during a session.
I had a caller who wanted a really MEAN humiliation session who gave Me the BEST compliment at the end of the call….he said, “You’re a really nice “mean girl.” We both laughed at that and it’s true!
I think of Goddess Hannah as Goddess Hannah toooooo ! I had to laugh as I read that. Goddess Hannah is AMAZING … I’ve done calls with her and also count her as a friend 🙂
OH and you’re so right to caution about the god-complex in the Dominant side…..that’s not Femdom that’s being a bitch. That’s not ‘female domination’ in a session that’s arrogance which I personally find highly unattractive and easily as icky as passive/aggressive wimpy manipulation. Power exchange is all about power exchange.
Thank you so much for your comment Alice and for making Me think (and smile!)
I usually just refer to you as “The all knowing seer, sage, guru and speaker of multitudinous orgasmic truth.”
I also have a recurring fantasy in with I repeatedly refer to you as “Mr. Fluffy.”
It’s complicated.
~giggles~ Ohhhhhhhhhhh are we doing cos play or did you suddenly get into the furry fetish? ~laughs~ Stands up tall in My fur suit wearing a strapon and says, sternly, “You vill call Me Mr. Fluffy from now on.” Oh yes, sex and erotic desires can get VERY complicated…..in this case, it’s also hot. (As in, it’s getting warm inside My costume) How are YOU doing? ~laughs and pads out of the room!~
I would have to use the label of muse. A musical, intelligent and mischievous voice does Mistress Olivia have.
Ohhhhhhhh…….I love that title Matt! I do think of Myself as a Muse in many ways….sometimes the session is about something other than erotic fantasy or ends up being a friendship/relationship inside of the appropriate boundaries of this venue for connection. Did you know I’ve proofed and rewritten a resume while on a call? ~laughs~ Oh yes, MUSE with all the connotations of inspiration and inspiriting creativity in YOU is a delightful term. You made Me ~smile~ by saying that. Thank you! 🙂
What do I want to call You? That’s easy. MsOlivia. 😉
So with all due respect to him, I have to say I completely disagree with the person’s definitions of various names. Those seem to be that a woman can only call herself something if she reaches a certain level of Dommeness. I say no to that. She can call herself whatever she likes. I have a friend who prefers to be called “My Lady”. I also remember Domina Amanda always wanted to be called such. It’s a personal choice.
Having said that, I have more to add. I absolutely will never call a woman a goddess because of religious reasons. To me, that’s sacreligious. I don’t use the word worship for the same reason. (Not trying to push my beliefs on anyone but I don’t sacrifice my beliefs either.) So in such a case I probably wouldn’t address her at all if I couldn’t ca her something else.
One other thing, a sort of digression I suppose. Did You know that Mrs. is an abbreviation for Mistress? As in Mistress of the house. That’s where that came from.
Isn’t that the best thing about definitions, if you don’t like it then you don’t have to use it.
I will say magnus, I don’t think he was advocating those as a way for others or Me to be….more like he was expressing how he thinks of things.
And, I do love to hear about the thought processes of people I care for and care about. ~smiles~
Now, are you saying that if I wiggled My luscious toes in front of you and said, “You get permission to suck My toes only if you call Me Princess.” ~grinz and holds up My delightful bare foot for you to contemplate~
The written word can sometimes not convey tone…so I’m writing that I’m being flirty with you and teasing.
I love love love that you know and can communicate your personal limits and boundaries. This a one of the BEST examples I’ve read about how to effectively communicate what ‘works’ and what ‘doesn’t work’ in a scene or session. Like you, I think that the scene (and that includes play, names, styles of dress, etc.) only works when it works for BOTH people! Safe, sane and consensual means exactly that!
BTW, on the issue of faith I don’t do a particular type of call that I’m not going to even write publicly….but I totally get what you’re saying about that.
WHAT magnus, YOU give a digression?!
~laughs~
I love your digressions….you know I do! Yes I DID! And, did you know that ms is also the abbreviation of MANUSCRIPT? ~laughs~ That always gives Me a giggle! I really AM a work of art, or of literature, certainly!
I certainly wasn’t disparaging his definitions, MsOlivia, merely disagreeing. They reminded me of what it takes to level up in a video game. 😉 And while I’m sure it wasn’t his intent either, to me it sort of also smacked of those people who tell others that they aren’t into BDSM because they don’t do X or one can’t call himself a slave because he isn’t Y. You get it. But this is completely me, not him.
Now as for names, with my one exception I won’t bring back up, anything You want to be called is fine with me. So (although I can’t picture You that way) I’d be happy to call You Princess Olivia if that’s what you wanted even without the enticement of Your toes. I’m also surprised no one brought up Baroness cause that’s uber sexy. Maybe it’s the GI Joe influence. 😉
And no I didn’t know about ms=manuscript. I did think about its being Microsoft though. 😉
~laughs~ OMG, magnus can you even IMAGINE Me as a bratty princess type? LMAO Nah! That’s not My thing!
I LOVE your idea of Baroness! There’s actually a Latex designer in NYC called the Baroness! She’s amazing! Used to do high end, custom corsets (and she’ll still do that for longtime and special clients). Now she does high end latex fetish designs that are amazing! I love her! 🙂
Oh and I did think about MS also being Microsoft! I’m a computer manuscript! A book of code? ~giggles~ The phone sex BOT! Now, I’m laughing!
Dearest Mistress Olivia thank You for this thought provoking post here. It is so nice for You to share Your thoughts to better educate those of us on how best to address You. i must confess that when You have me so far into sub-space that i am an amoeba and unable to formulate a cohesive thought, much less able to speak in more than single word sentences, that i sometimes have respectfully referred to You as Mistress; Goddess; and even Ma’am on occasion. Please accept my gratitude for Your understanding and acceptance of my efforts in knowing that no matter what title i use to refer to You, it is always out of extreme respect and complete adoration for my Experienced Mistress!
~smiles~ Ohhhhhhhhh thank you so much for your comment kneel! Like I said, it’s situationally (and individually) dependent….therefore, for YOU, the only salutation I do not want you to call Me is Madame ~grinz~ … and you know why…..it would be confusing. ~grinz~ You are an outstanding submissive, pet, and MORE!
yes
yes
yes
~giggles~ Thanks aaa!
This is a very important and interesting issue for me, Olivia, and I am so very glad you wrote about it. And I really enjoyed reading everyone else’s thoughts, and yours. Thank you.
I’m sure you have noticed that I don’t use any term, but address you and the other women at LDW simply by your names. There are a lot of reasons for that, but the primary one is I am simply not comfortable with those terms. To me, they all imply a level of superiority and an idea that the person is better than me. Not only is that not the case, but it is not the wonderful atmosphere that I have come to know and appreciate at LDW.
Not using those terms should not imply a lack of respect. Far from it. I absolutely adore the amazing women I have been fortunate to meet through phone calls, emails, and blog comments. Every one of you is incredible — smart, beautiful, sexy, thoughtful, creative, clever, engaging, encouraging, and witty. I feel really fortunate to have found such a place and such amazing people. There is NOTHING that pleases me more than engaging in a hot call that makes the mistress (for convenience here) on the phone happy and excited. I love giving ALL of myself — physically and emotionally — to a mistress in calls and in a relationship.
But reducing that to a word that implies that I am less than one of you doesn’t feel right. The best thing about LDW is I feel a PART of something special. But I don’t feel that way when I use those terms. I feel APART. For me the words characterize a relationship that doesn’t exist. I adore all of you, but simply for the people you are and for the amazing experiences we have shared together. And there is no term that can capture that.
I smiled when I read Alice’s and your wonderful comments about Andi. I think everyone around LDW knows how I feel about her. She is absolutely INCREDIBLE, as a person and an ETE, and I am so fortunate to be able to spend time with her. We share a lot, including our passion for reading, and she has taken me on an erotic journey I never thought possible. She is my Princess in every sense of the word, but I don’t and won’t ever call her that, here or on the phone. I respect and adore her, but she is Andi to me, and anything else would trivialize the amazing time I have with her.
I don’t know if any of this makes sense to you; I hope so. I thank you for giving me the opportunity to comment, and I really look forward to your thoughts.
Thanks for posting your comment bfla! I’m always curious that others’ thoughts and opinions. You’re like many that opt for just the name with no title. I think to each their own. What happens during a session is total individual to that person….which, of course, is the joy of a session. I totally agree with you about Ms Andi….she’s a really good friend of mine offline as well as here. Smart, sweet, classy and MORE!
Thanks for your thoughts about the blog post and other comments!