Are you in the kind of relationship where you can tell your partner about your sexual kinks? I don’t mean “sort of allude to them occasionally and beat around the bush about them.” I mean “be 100% open and honest about what turns you on.”
If you answered yes, then congratulations! You have the kind of relationship that most kinky people can only dream of having!
If you answered no, don’t worry. Many other kinky people are in the same boat. In fact, we talk about this issue a lot on the BDSM kink podcast I do with Ms Erika. It’s called The Weekly Hot Spot and you can find it on your favorite podcast platform. Here’s one episode to get you started: Help! How do I get my wife to dominate me?
Maybe you don’t want your partner to dominate you, but you do want your partner to at least know this kinky side of you. It’s always scary to be vulnerable, but if you have a pretty solid relationship with your partner, then you might be able to tell your partner about your sexual kinks a lot more easily than you might think.
A Kink Conversation Can Be Quite Daunting
Have you ever tried to talk to your partner about the kinky things that turn you on? If so, you know it can be rather nerve-wracking, no matter what the ultimate outcome of the conversation turns out to be. And if you haven’t ever tried to tell your partner about your sexual kinks, you’ve probably heard horror stories from other people who have. Regardless of how you choose to handle it, it can be difficult.
The most important thing to think about when debating with yourself whether you should fess up or not is the strength of your relationship. Do you have a strong enough relationship with your partner that it can weather most anything? Or is your relationship on shaky ground at the moment? A strong relationship is absolutely necessary if you want to talk to your partner about your submissive desires.
In a strong relationship, even if your partner decides in the end that they aren’t interested in indulging your fetishes, it won’t spell the end of the relationship. A strong relationship can withstand a nuclear bomb. So your confession about your secret desires should not really harm it in any meaningful way.
Other Things To Think About Before You Tell Your Partner About Your Sexual Kinks
Here are some other things to think about before you make up your mind about whether to tell or to keep mum. Is your partner open to new experiences in general? An open-minded person is far more likely to be amenable to new sexual experiences than a closed-minded person.
Another thing to consider is this: Are you able to have open conversations about sex and sexuality in general with your partner? If so, this bodes well for you telling them about your kinks. If your partner feels safe and comfortable discussing sex with you (and vice-versa), the kink conversation will likely go a whole lot smoother than it otherwise might.
Also, have you ever hinted at what you’re interested in? If so, what kind of reaction did it get? Did you make a joke about your friend next door being pussy-whipped by his wife? And did your partner respond in a way that seemed conducive to exploring something like that? If they did, there’s a much better chance that they’ll be curious about exploring your kinks, too.
These are just a few things to keep in mind before you tell your partner about your sexual kinks. Ultimately, it’s up to you to make the decision about whether or not to tell. If you are choosing to confess, I wish you the very best of luck. I hope the conversation goes exactly like you want it to. And if you need some more assistance with what to say or how to say it, I can help!
I´ve often thought about this myself… If I should only date women who I know already are dominant and into the bdsm/Femdom-scene. Since being dominated is the only thing that really turns me on, more or less. Or if I should set this passion aside and prioritize other things in a relationship. I´m leaning more to the latter. I´ve always felt that people who has never had any experience with D/s and bdsm etc wouldn´t understand. And it wouldn´t be the same at all or feel right if someone only ACTED dominant just to fulfill my fantasies either…
You bring up fantastic points … when people ask how and where to find someone who is kink compatible, it’s tricky. Now, I love the idea of someone who WANTS to fulfill your fantasies. I’m a Domme who WANTS my sub/pet/playmate happy … I think you want someone like that.
It gets tricky and icky when your partner does the “I’ll do it but let you know I’m doing you a favor” type of attitude.
But that type of relationship weirdness happens in non-kink interactions.
Again, great comment!
It´s hard when you want a loving, affectionate relationship with a warm and caring woman but are only turned on by Femdom/bdsm and fantasies of being dominated and humiliated… It doesn´t mix and I don´t even want it to. So I ultimately need to choose.
Hmmmmmmm why do you need to choose?
Do you listen to the BDSM kink podcast that I do with Ms Erika?
You hopefully can tell we are both warm and loving .. in fact, we have so much fun and the podcast is so casual that we had to do a podcast about intense BDSM / pain play because too many people acted all surprised that I LIKE that aspect of BDSM.
I do know that some people do like things separate – is that what you mean?
I´m attracted to two completely different personality types… Pretty much the direct opposites.
I fall in love with women that are warm, kind, caring, loving and affectionate. Wanting all that romantic stuff like walking hand in hand, romantic dinners, cuddling up to cozy movies at night… But I´m only sexually turned on by women that are bossy, bitchy, mean, spoiled, only cares about themselves and likes to punish, torture and make me suffer etc… So it´s extremely complicated.
Vanilla sex is nothing to me compared to the thrill of bdsm-play and Femdom/being dominated in various ways. So the first type could never turn me on like the second one. And I love the first type just because of her loving personality and kindness. And would never want her to be anything else.
I think you made a point earlier when you said something about Dominant Women finding submissive men naturally, without us needing to look for them… One of the most exciting days I´ve experienced still to this day, was when that sexy boss Lady at the train station asked me to carry her suitcases as I mentioned earlier… And just let me do it while walking ahead of me and speaking on her phone, wiggling her ass and just ignoring me… Almost as if she could sense just after a few moments that I liked being treated like that! Like her personal servant… I honestly don´t think I´ve ever been so turned on… Just struggling to carry her suitcases while staring at her ass and feeling my erection rise more and more in my pants until it was standing straight up… I don´t think she would have treated another type of man like that – just walking ahead of him and wiggling her ass while ignoring him completely….And it felt like she knew it would turn me on even more if she didn´t even thank me to top it off…! That it was exactly that type of woman that would turn me on… A real bitch! 😀
It was such an incredible and natural incident… A true Female Supremacy moment that wasn´t planned, acted or anything… It just happened. I´ve always wished something like that would happen again, but I´m so glad I got to experience it that time at least! It was completely awesome. It also made me much more aware of myself and how I work… What really turns me on.
You bring up a great point …. different types of attraction and therefore different types of people.
I also really enjoy trotting out my mean Mistress or sadistic side when in that kind of session.
Now that cabi and I mutually agreed to break up. I have no one to dress me as a girl anymore. I do have her friend that I’m buying facial skin care products from but she doesn’t know about my feminization. I’m iffy on this as we do have great relationship but she’s married with kids. After the holidays it looks like it’s back to calling you and the other mistresses for my feminization by all of you
I’m so sorry about the breakup but I will say, it’ll be so wonderful to reconnect with you!
We’ve missed you!
Hello Ms Olivia, Is that a picture of you at the top of this blog? The lady in the picture has sexy, strong, and well-toned legs, so it certainly could be you! She’s also holding some sort of belt, perhaps as a warning to guys not to try to touch her legs. Otherwise, she might use that belt to tie them up!
oh I can do some really wicked things with stocking bondage or garter belt bondage.
Yes, Ms Olivia, yes, ma’am, I believe you! After all, you have tied me up before with your stockings and garter belts!!
Those are very secure for bondage !
Yes, Ms Olivia, I remember having to sign off as ‘Yours securely’!! (LOL!!)
hahahahahaha oh that’s a great line!