I’m going to revisit the Dilemma of a crossdresser post and chrissy’s original comments about wanting the masculine and the feminine sides to be more integrated in intimate real life relationships.
This is on My mind for several reasons, not the least of which is that chrissy expressed something that I often hear. Jamie Rose and Mylene leave blog comments on this topic and both are wonderfully expressive writers. And, last night I had a long call with a woman who I met from our site for crossdressers. She is not a crossdresser, she is TRANSgendered.
She was gracious enough to let Me talk with her about experiencing the military in her male persona and compare that being a pre op TG woman today. (I have some of the most amazing interactions via this phone sex career!)
I tend to see the world in shades of gray, rather than either/or – black/white. So, it’s no surprise that I see the continuum in terms of people who are physically male but wear female attire. The definition of a continuum is a sequence from one extreme to the other. The opposite ends look very different, but along the continuum perceptible differences tend to disappear.
Men in panties
On one end there is the heterosexual man wearing panties. I’ve written a lot about why men like to wear panties. This can be simply for the softness of the fabric on a cock, the tightness of the pantie holding a pair of balls, all the way to a trigger for erotic humiliation or an outward expression of submission. He might be a sissy but then again, he might not be!
The experience of wearing lingerie is external — it enhances what is going on internally whether it is physical sensations or mental/emotional sexual arousal. I would describe this as sexual kink often used effectively in conjunction with other elements for cock control sessions.
On the other end of the continuum is the person who is transgendered. This is where the physical body at birth is different from the gender identity of the actual person. Like all women, she can be attracted to men, other women, or both. But, she IS a woman despite what the ‘born with’ body looks like.
Can you imagine being born into the ‘wrong body’ where your outside is the opposite of who you feel you are inside? I can’t. I don’t pretend to *get it* from personal experience but I embrace compassion, understanding and lovingkindness. I ask LOTS of questions and am always ready to learn.
Where kink and gender identity can look alike
Magnus left a question in a comment on the original posts about kinks and the workplace. Magnus asks, “Is what they do sexual? And if it isn’t, i.e. it is a part of them, then is their expressing that something that would not be sexual harassment? I know this is kind of rhetorical and not something we can just answer within the confines of Your blog.”
~laughs~ I can answer ANYTHING on My blog dear magnus!
Magnus elaborates: “Just hanging around the chat room, I often see chatters talk about how they feel sexy or horny dressed up. OK, to each their own, but doesn’t that make that sexual? I would certainly think so. At the same time, we see transgendered issues in the news often, and (from my admittedly limited perspective), the people in the news are those that feel they are the opposite gender and it’s not a sexual thing for them at all. So then should a distinction be made and if so, how? I can’t bring up my fetishes in a work environment, so how could one prove what they do is not sexual? Just some thoughts I have here. I can certainly see HR people pulling their hair out here. ”
Real life workplace issues
Magnus, the HR people aren’t the only ones that find this complex! I’m on Twitter (SexInfoBabe) and I follow MySexProfessor. She did a recent blog post about a transgendered professor who was fired. The issue of gender identity and discrimination is currently being addressed in state legislatures from coast to coast: Connecticut to California.
Mylene posted a comment to your questions and it was so great that I’m reposting excerpts here (the italics are mine).
Mylene writes: “I’m obviously speaking for myself and everyone probably reacts differently to those situations. … As i said another time, to me, the “crossdressing” isn’t really part of the kink, but the submissive part is. I’m not really ashamed of anything i do, just worried about some close minded people finding out and causing problems. (…)
“Whenever i’m going to do kinkier things, i like to dress in more sexy/less conventional clothes, and yes, those clothes are part of the turn on, but it’s mainly related of the fact that it’s a more “submissive” outfit.
Now getting back to the main topic, to me the kink is a kink and doesn’t have to be known by everyone, i’m fine with that.”
“However, the way i handle the girly part these days is more complicated. It’s a bit like the mask conversation from the comments, but i don’t like the name “mask”.
The way i see it, there’s me, and there’s the me the other people see.
The public me is me projected thought what you could call “mask” (but i don’t like the name, it looks like you are hiding something, i see it more like clothes, making you look different but it’s still always you).
Every time, it’s still me, but with the “parameters” adjusted differently.
First of all, there is the family version. Being with a more traditional family, this one is truly a mask, watch what you say and what you do kind a life.
There is the public me, already more open, but still restrained enough not to have any trouble with other (stupid) people.”
Handling gender issues with close friends
“Whenever i become a close enough friend with some, the situation goes more toward the “girly boy” me. (of course, it sounds like it goes straight from one to the other but it’s progressive)
There, i’m totally myself, just as a boy, and so far, people seem to have no problem with that.
Then there’s the girl me, she is almost the same as the boy me but can dress the way she wants (well, pretty much the same, he may try to refrain from screaming whenever a nasty spider falls in front of him, but he just ends up screaming the same as her).
So far, not many people in my non internet life know about her, but two people are getting closer, hopefully, i’ll let you all know how the situation develops.”
What are your comments?
THANK YOU Mylene for taking your time to post the comment and share yourself with us all! All of you know that I like this blog to be a conversation so post your thoughts, comments, reactions and questions! Magnus, did that answer your question? Did this bring up OTHER questions or issues for anyone?