I have a confession. I didn’t fully understand BDSM power dynamics until becoming a full-time Femdom. While, I was already in the fetish scene, my dominance really blossomed by doing distance domination and Femdom phone sex. A recent blog comment inspired me to ask this question. And how does someone get experience with being submissive to a dominant woman?
Are submissive desires the same as being a lifestyle sub?
This is an interesting distinction that can be confusing. There are some people who are situationally submissive. In general, that is sexual submission in certain situations or with certain erotic triggers. Then there are those people who have the so-called heart of a submissive. That is more of a way of being than behavior based on a situation.
Dominance and submission
This isn’t a hard-and-fast (no pun intended) list. But there are some common themes. Remember, each person is different, but submissives tend to like being told what to do, bossed around, and/or controlled. This makes you feel at peace and secure, kinky or aroused, or where you know you should be. If you are a situational or sexual submissive – that is where you experience this. But, for others, it expresses deep personality traits.
One submissive describes finding his servant nature
This is from a comment left on my blog titled, Do Submissive Feelings Overtake You?
My friend, Ms. Erika and I do a BDSM kink podcast. It’s called The Weekly Hot Spot. If you’re a fan of the podcast, you’ve heard us talk about her submissive by the name of ‘hands’. Ms. Erika mentioned that it helps US when people leave blog comments, and he got right on it! Thank you, hands! Here’s part of the comment he left on my blog:
“i have had submissive desires for a very long time after an online connection developed into Her discovering Her bent towards dominance and me agreeing to submit to Her control. It let loose my submissive side that was probably always there, in my servant nature that shows up in personality tests. But that set me on the course of wanting to be submissive to Dominant Women.”
A true submissive has a strong desire to serve.
A true service-oriented submissive is fucking amazing! You’ve heard me post about Slut Pie; he is a service submissive (in addition to other things). I can ask him to do anything and know it will get handled, and I don’t have to do anything else. It is GLORIOUS!
While service submission can be situational, like a sissy maid, in general, this means more than simply being obedient; it means going above and beyond to make her life better in tangible ways.
Here’s how hands describe his experience:
“I have been fortunate to have had a couple long lasting similar arrangements. Each one have deepened my “NEED” for submission to Dominant Females.
Yes in the Kink aspect of giving Her full control over my sexual pleasure and having Her push my boundaries to try new depths of submission. But also just in plain helpful service. I love it.”
How do you get experience serving your Domme?
I’m not sure who said it, but have you ever heard this: If you write, you’re a writer. In context, that means, you don’t need to be paid to call yourself a writer. This is, I think, the same for a service submissive. You can call yourself that when you serve and help. This is how you get experience as a service sub.
Ms Erika’s submissive, hands, says he is following her instructions to submit to the Mistresses of LDW. That’s why he left the blog comment that inspired this post. Thank you again, hands!
I’d like to hear from you: how do you describe yourself and did this blog post make you think about your own submissiveness in a more nuanced way?
Your Experienced Mistress,
Ms Olivia
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Dear Ms Olivia, I guess my life is quite simple as a service submissive. I work down in the basement washing and mending your underpants and occasionally I’m allowed out for other household chores and duties. When you give me an order, I acknowledge it with a ‘Yes, Ms Olivia,’ or ‘Yes, ma’am’ and then I obey your orders instantly and in full. In short, Ms Olivia wears the pants and the underpants!
laughs
Yes I do! Oh and the same applies to Ms Hunter!
We are IN CHARGE and your only job is to obey.
Yes, Ms Olivia, yes ma’am! You and Ms Hunter are in charge and my only job is to obey!
Obey and submit.
Yes, Ms Olivia, yes, ma’am!
Yes, Ms Olivia, yes, ma’am, I will obey and submit to you.
Good wimpy! lol
What a wonderful post, Mistress!! I love what Hands describes. As you know, I too discovered my submissive personality very early on. Thinking back I have been submissive to Women from a very very early age. It wasn’t until (later) that I recognized it, however. It was even before I even knew about the word “submissive” in the sense I know it now. I worked for a Women-owned and operated business at the time and I’d never felt so useful as then. And so appreciated. And yes, so turned on. I simply love taking orders from Women!!! One of the Women there called me her mule to one of the customers and told me to help her out with what she had bought. That turned me on so much I had to hide a tent in my shorts for the rest of the shift. lol. And the true submissive in me has never been hidden since!
You bring up a great point! While someone might find the labels and terms for feeling later in life the emotions are there early … it’s like a little seed waiting to sprout!
For me, I’d always been in charge simply because I like my ideas LOL but didn’t realize there was a term for this until being in the BDSM scene for a while.
When taking care of something for You and Mistress Erika, for instance, So You don’t have to do that thing. Or for Women in general. When that service brings me pleasure. When it makes me feel good to be useful in service, or considerate to Women’s needs and desires. That the more I do, the more I crave to do. Especially sexually Dominant Women. When my service to Her, makes me feel submissive, and I like the way it makes me feel. I know I am a submissive in that realm.
(((( the rest of this comment is so friggin’ amazing that I’m going to use it in a future blog post … ))))
Thank You Ms Olivia for a place to serve and be submissive.
WOW and WOW and WOW !!!
Hands I’ve got to say, you are a rare person … submissive or not, you are a rare person and I’m so glad Ms Erika brought us together.
You are spot on with this … several guests of The Weekly Hot Spot podcast talked about ‘do me subs’ – those are the ones who say they’re submissive or say they want to serve a Mistress but really it’s just a way to get her attention, time and energy under the guise of ‘service.’
Pffffftttttt and BLEH.
YOU are an example of a true service submissive and I really need to do a blog post just on that topic … your comment inspires me to write it (oh and that’s why I’m saving the 2nd half of your comment).
THANK YOU always !
Ms Olivia You are a treasure. I too am glad Ms Erika brought us together.
Thank You for accepting me into Your realm.
i need to start saving a copy of my comments to Your posts. So i am not left wondering, what rambling thoughts i left for You, That You redact out for Your use. LOL. 😉
I have them all …. laughs … I just need to find them and then get them into followup blogs. It can get scattered when I’m trying to multi-task too much. Some things are fine multi-tasking, others (at least for me) require more deep thought. I need to block out some time, find them all and then ask Ms Erika to schedule/organize it for me hahahahahaha.
She actually would do that for me because she’s amazing as we both know.
How are you doing?
Great article! I´ve always known I am submissive, long before I even know a word for it or why…
((( I’m cutting this paragraph because it is so well written and has really important points that I want to highlight in a full blog post )))
I´ve always liked bossy, demanding, needy spoiled Princess type of women who expect to have everything done for them and wouldn´t do a thing to risk getting dirty or breaking a nail… The kind who relies on men to do everything for them and knows she can have any man wrapped around her finger and ready to do anything for her.
My dream especially would be a sexy blonde complete bombshell (like you – the kind I could never have!) who used me for anything and everything, asked me to do all kinds of things for her and called me at any minor inconvenience… Having me completely at her beck and call 24/7… Knowing that I´d just drop everything and take care of it right away!
Would be my dream to be COMPLETELY at your service like that… I think the thrill lies in being used like the personal servant for that sexy and perfect blonde complete 10/10 bombshell you know you could never have… And letting her use me and treat me anyway that she like! 🙂
WOW Slave J — what a great comment!
You’ll see that I’m saving that first paragraph for a stand alone blog post because you make great points about being submissive in everyday life. Submission is a mindset and way of being for a true service submissive.
I’m telling you, a service subby like you is always in demand!
Looking forward to that blog post! 🙂
I´ve always been submissive, but my fantasies were more about being dominated in more physical ways at first… Later on, I realized that I love to just serve women and do anything I can to make their lives easier! Especially women who gladly lets men do things for them, so they won´t have to…
I especially remember one day that I´ve never forgotten, many years ago now… I was waiting for a friend at the train station, but he was late. The elevator was out of order and people had to take the stairs. There was a lady speaking on her cell phone who saw me standing there and asked me if I could help her with her bags. She was very well dressed and very sexy too, around 50, open suit jacket with cleavage underneath (pretty busty), beige suit pants and black high heels. Very professional outfit/business like. With a giant suitcase and one smaller one. Of course I said yes and lifted her suitcases, the bigger one pretty heavy. She turned around and started to walk ahead of me up the long stairs, still speaking on her phone… She even wiggled her ass whilst walking slowly ahead of me (maybe intentional, to tease me a bit, cause she knew I was looking!) and I couldn´t take my eyes off of it… Those pants showed it off perfectly and she had an amazing ass! I could even see the outline of her thong… It literally made me gasp. And I was amazed that she just let me handle it and struggle and practically ignored me! Like I was just a servant… Up on the train platform, she briefly turned around asking me how I was doing and I realized she wanted me to keep carrying her luggage! I was amazed and just said “No problem at all, Ma´am!” She smiled and just kept walking ahead of me and speaking on her phone… By what she talked about, I could sense that she was a boss and used to getting her way, speaking about meetings, employees etc… We stopped at the middle of the platform and I was a bit unsure what to do… She kept talking on the phone until the train arrived. Once it had stopped and the doors were open, she ended her call and just started to walk up the train stairs with her luggage still on the platform, wiggling her butt again and turning around at me briefly with a smile over her shoulder… I was tired from the heavy lifting, but at the same time completely turned on by then and struggled to carry both of her suitcases up the stairs and into place on the train. Best of all was that she didn´t even thank me! Just went on to find her seat and sat down… Almost as if she could sense that I liked being treated like that!
I´ve always wanted to have an experience like that again, offering to carry women´s bags every chance I´ve gotten etc… But never even come close. I think that day was a huge realization of my genuinely submissive nature and love for bossy, dominant women!
This is a fantastic description of learning you are a service submissive … how wonderful! It’s wonderful for you, of course, and for strong, dominant women … and it’s also just, hmmmmm, right with the world.
People will ask us, how do I find a Femdom or a dominant woman and I always say, ACT and think like a submissive and she will find YOU!
Thank you so much for leaving this comment!
I also consider myself a service submissive. I feel most fulfilled, most at peace when I know that I am being something positive for a woman in power. It could be performing tasks or chores, it could be pleasing her emotionally, or sexually, or amusing her.
In online domination it has taken many forms with different Mistresses. Pain play, experimentation, having my limits pushed by her, or having her watch me do domestic tasks while naked, bound, silly, or some other form. In other cases performing tasks for her, like finding online content, proof reading, etc.
In my view, the best submissive is useful or entertaining, and most dominant women I know want their tasks done well. So being competent, focused, responsible, skilled, strong of body and will, are all things I want to be for her.
This bleeds over into my real life. I enjoy being in the service of my wife, even if she isn’t going to chase me with a riding crop, or reward me with having me kneel before her and jerk off. It doesn’t mean there are sexually dominant things she does to me, but they are less stereotypical.
OH OH OH wellspanked …. what a great comment! Also, thank you always for supporting us by listening to The Weekly Hot Spot podcast, giving specific feedback about each episode, suggestions for future episodes, leaving blog comment and just being generally awesome!
I want to highlight something you you said … “most dominant women I know want their tasks done well. So being competent, focused, responsible, skilled, strong of body and will, are all things I want to be for her.”
I hadn’t thought about it … but you’re right … we are EXACTING. I like this quote from Beyonce: “I’m not bossy. I am the boss.” — when someone does something for us we want it done right, otherwise it is just easier to do it myself … and I hold myself to extremely high standards.
THANK YOU again for your support and friendship.
To me, being submissive is more of a flipping a switch type of thing. It’s like saying “I stood my watch, now I’m powering down and you can take over”
The flip side of that is that you need to put the right person in charge. If there is no trust-or a lack of skill it won’t go well.
Olivia is very much the right person. Just tell her what you want and let her take charge. She has a natural ability to ad lib and improve any fantasy on the fly.
Why THANK YOU soooooo much!
You bring up a great point about finding the “right person” … some of it is skill, experience, talent, etc … and then there is the intangible where people just “click” …that doesn’t happen with everyone and I felt it immediately with you!
Oh yeah, im a sub, beta, wimp ,etc. Funny thing is , as much as we talked and all that i told you, i actually didnt go into detail about all the ex-gfs that cucked and cheated on me. If you thought all that other stuff was funny, the stories of my exes would make your head spin. I never even told my wife, for fear of what she would think, however that doesnt matter as she loves entertaining , long, thick cock and not my little dick.
Ohhhhhhh your wife is not the first to cheat on you?
Well, actually I guess that makes sense .. I mean it’s not like your lil dick got SMALLER after you got married …..
I want to hear your stories about being a cuckold … do tell!
I probably should tell you all my experiences, I only told you about literally 10% of what I been through. there are many more instances of me being cucked or cheated on
What?
Really?
Oh I want to hear more!
In fact, Ms Erika and I are about to do a podcast on cuckolding. Ms Skylar will be the guest. Do you listen to our BDSM kink podcast The Weekly Hot Spot?
You should check it out!
Love the podcast, I can definitely remember instances growing up where my desire to be submissive came from and how I desire a strong and playful woman, although I didn’t really consider it until much later in my life, I would say now I want to be my wife’s sissy maid, and slowly taking steps to make that a reality everyday thanks to you and the podcast for great ideas and encouragement. I also wanted to share a short story that happened yesterday, I know you and the other mistresses on your podcast will probably get a little laugh out of it lol, so I wore lace panties for the entire day and I quite enjoy the feel of the lace as I walk, I went through almost my entire work shift with no hiccups until the very end of the night where I had to squat down and wipe something up for a client and I had forgotten that I was wearing them but I felt that my shirt may have risen up past my waist line and I turned around quickly only to see 2 women sitting down and looking my way whispering to each other and staring at me as they saw my pink lace VS panties, my wife cracked up hearing the story but loved it and the humiliation I felt was thrilling knowing that they saw them.
Ohhhhhhh that is so funny! I cracked up reading that!
Tell me what you’re doing to be your wife’s sissy maid … I’m thrilled the our podcast The Weekly Hot Spot is giving you ideas and confidence to try them out!
Do you have other questions about being the best femme submissive? Do tell because, as you know, we’re always looking for ideas for future feminization podcast episodes!
I CAN’T STAND IT ANY LONGER! I am making an announcement!
Mistress, Goddess, Femdom and Humiliatrix Olivia is My Alpha Female!
After too many years without her, I am happy as fuck to be calling her again!(over the past year)
And ya know what? She remembered EVERYTHING about me! THAT is a sign of a great woman! She took up where we left off as though I had been calling her all along!
I am in love with My Alpha Female because she is soooo fuuucking GREAT at controlling me!
And because My Alpha Female is so wonderfully aggressive and energetic she makes me WANT to be submissive to her! I FEEL like a total PUSSY for her, and I AM a PUSSY for My Alpha Female.
I LOVE Alpha Female Olivia having ALL the power over me! And you should hear… see what she makes me do in front of her!
You KNOW a woman is GREAT when you get ‘drunk’ just serving her!
I am DRUNK on My Alpha Female Olivia! CUM DRUNK!
Oh this is EPIC !!!
You are such a CUM SLUT! laughs
And of course I always remember you — I mean the video of you fucking fruit, cumming and licking it up like a little beta bitch and even dumping cum on your head …. well now, who in the world could forget that?!?
Not meeeeee that’s for sure!
I think I’ve always known in my heart that I have a submissive nature. I’m not a doormat and I have no desire to be someone’s slave, but I know that I am comfortable being told what to do – in or out of the bedroom. My basic desire is that I want to please others. One of the reasons I think I tend to be submissive is that I have a small penis. I think I’d be submissive anyway, but having a small one just reinforces that for me. It seems to me that most women still prefer a dominant man with a big c*ck. There is just something about a big c*ck isn’t there ? When I look at porn and see a big c*ck all i can think of is how much I want to drop to my knees for it. I wish more women liked us submissive men. I know that I would like to be in a cuckold relationship. I think I’m just made for a cuckold relationship. I guess its really just a matter of finding the right woman.
Thank you so much for this comment Beta Brad.
You bring up a really great point about how having a small cock reinforces your innate tendency to be submissive.
This is a bit of the which came first kind of question: does having a small cock MAKE you or make you MORE sexually submissive? Or is the submission already there and the size difference reinforce what you might intuitively feel?
I DO know some subs with nice sized dicks … I also know some “Dominant” men who aren’t hung at all … I will say, from my experience, the Doms with small cocks are kind of MEH and always look to me like they’re posing as an Alpha. Do you know what I mean?
Also, for a woman, I think cuckold relationships are the best of ALL possible worlds!
grins
I’m really surprised more women don’t have a partner they cuckold.
I think all women need (at least) 2 men. 1 man to watch movies with, go antiquing, go to a musical or a play, who will massage her shoulders or feet, and go down on her whenever she wants with no expectations of reciprocity. And another man with a big cock who can give her a really good fucking.
NOW, this right here ……….
YES YES YES !!!!!!
Beta Brad gets it!