I have a confession. I didn’t fully understand BDSM power dynamics until becoming a full-time Femdom. While, I was already in the fetish scene, my dominance really blossomed by doing distance domination and Femdom phone sex. A recent blog comment inspired me to ask this question. And how does someone get experience with being submissive to a dominant woman?

Are submissive desires the same as being a lifestyle sub?

sexual submission by a foot slave for Experienced Mistress Olivia 1-800-601-6975This is an interesting distinction that can be confusing. There are some people who are situationally submissive. In general, that is sexual submission in certain situations or with certain erotic triggers. Then there are those people who have the so-called heart of a submissive. That is more of a way of being than behavior based on a situation.

Dominance and submission

This isn’t a hard-and-fast (no pun intended) list. But there are some common themes. Remember, each person is different, but submissives tend to like being told what to do, bossed around, and/or controlled.  This makes you feel at peace and secure, kinky or aroused, or where you know you should be. If you are a situational or sexual submissive – that is where you experience this. But, for others, it expresses deep personality traits.

One submissive describes finding his servant nature

This is from a comment left on my blog titled, Do Submissive Feelings Overtake You?

Eating your own cum podcast episode on The Weekly Hot Spot kink podcastMy friend, Ms. Erika and I do a BDSM kink podcast. It’s called The Weekly Hot Spot. If you’re a fan of the podcast, you’ve heard us talk about her submissive by the name of  ‘hands’. Ms. Erika mentioned that it helps US when people leave blog comments, and he got right on it! Thank you, hands! Here’s part of the comment he left on my blog:

“i have had submissive desires for a very long time after an online connection developed into Her discovering Her bent towards dominance and me agreeing to submit to Her control. It let loose my submissive side that was probably always there, in my servant nature that shows up in personality tests. But that set me on the course of wanting to be submissive to Dominant Women.”

A true submissive has a strong desire to serve.

A true service-oriented submissive is fucking amazing! You’ve heard me post about Slut Pie; he is a service submissive (in addition to other things). I can ask him to do anything and know it will get handled, and I don’t have to do anything else. It is GLORIOUS!

While service submission can be situational, like a sissy maid, in general, this means more than simply being obedient; it means going above and beyond to make her life better in tangible ways.

Here’s how hands describe his experience:

“I have been fortunate to have had a couple long lasting similar arrangements. Each one have deepened my “NEED” for submission to Dominant Females.

Yes in the Kink aspect of giving Her full control over my sexual pleasure and having Her push my boundaries to try new depths of submission. But also just in plain helpful service. I love it.”

How do you get experience serving your Domme?

I’m not sure who said it, but have you ever heard this: If you write, you’re a writer. In context, that means, you don’t need to be paid to call yourself a writer. This is, I think, the same for a service submissive. You can call yourself that when you serve and help. This is how you get experience as a service sub.

Ms Erika’s submissive, hands, says he is following her instructions to submit to the Mistresses of LDW. That’s why he left the blog comment that inspired this post. Thank you again, hands!

I’d like to hear from you: how do you describe yourself and did this blog post make you think about your own submissiveness in a more nuanced way?

Your Experienced Mistress,

Ms Olivia