BDSM is captivating (yes, that pun is intended). I am drawn to the paradox of pain as pleasure and submission as freedom. Power exchange is fascinating. There are so many things I can do to control a submissive. It’s important to note that submission and humiliation don’t automatically have to go together, but for certain submissives, this combination is very powerful.
The tools of power exchange games
I am genuinely curious about you. Your erotic fantasies might bring us together initially, but I have long term relationships where we are more than our mutual kinks. Case in point: check out this email from Palmer:
“I have been talking to Olivia for years now. We are friends — we discuss politics, movies, and the ups and downs of life. She is profane, funny, and caring.”
The topics Palmer mentions aren’t related to power exchange or his fetish but I remember everything we talk about. There are no “idle conversations” with me. I use everything to deepen our relationship, and then, when the time is right, I lull you into complacency to set you up. Abruptly switching topics allows me to find out all your naughty little secrets. Palmer knows all about this:
“She knows a secret about me — my fascination with the idea of sucking a trans woman’s cock, but only if Olivia talks me into it.
He’s right — I know ALL his secrets and use every single thing I know. Palmer continues:
“So our conversations proceed along, touching on the weather, or baseball, or pets . . . until Olivia brings up my little problem. I almost don’t want her to, but she always does.”
submission and humiliation
Is submission always humiliating? No but the combo is so much fucking fun! It’s the PB&J of kink—a natural fit! From walking fido to face fucking, from career to cock. I wrap you around my little finger, pull your strings, and make you dance like the horny lil puppet you are. I love this description of how I use my Mistress voice:
“Her tone changes as she raises the issue — slightly lower, and scarily business-like. My mouth goes dry, I feel my heart in my chest, and the bottom drops out of my stomach.She makes me confess. She insists that I say it all out loud: exactly what I want, and what I want her role to be. Then she is all practicality: here’s what I need to do to please her; here are the concrete steps I will take, here are milestones and deliverables. She reassures me that I can do it, that I will do it, and that she will support me all the way.”
Make your Mistress happy and proud
I like planning. Someone told me I would make an excellent project planner. In my pre phone sex life, I was in charge of various projects where I would plan, execute, and review measurable outcomes all with a focus on achieving goals. I bring that skillset into my Femdom life. When I started talking to Palmer about measurable goals, a mix of rewards and punishments and due dates suddenly his fantasy was becoming real. That is powerful! He describes his reactions and feelings:
I fall into a fog of submission and humiliation. I desperately want to make Olivia happy. What gets me most is the REALITY of the plan — the idea that I am really, finally going to do it for her, that it is inevitable, that the fateful moment will finally arrive. . .There is no end to it — until I do the deed — so I hang up in a state of tension and lust. I work on my assignments, send Olivia emails, re-read her blog, listen to her podcast, then I set up another call.I just adore Olivia.
Are you ready to submit?
Have you ever experienced that fog of submission? What happened? Did the scene involve humiliation or a mindfuck? I want to know everything! Leave a comment. Obey.
Oh my my my! I am struggling to not touch myself re-reading this for the fourth time. What a wonderful post and I am so so happy for Palmer!!! What a wonderful and in a way predictable response he has to your voice Mistress Olivia! Oooooooo that change in tone. The REALITY of knowing this IS going to happen to him. What Mistress Olivia wants, Mistress Olivia gets. Palmer is in for a life-changing experience and I both envy him and am so excited for him!!!
Well, this is fascinating …. because YOU SlutPie inspired PALMER!
laughs
And I am so so so excited for him as well.
You, SlutPie, know I am the “Mistress of the workaround” and where there’s a will there’s a way!
Oh my YES! And your “workarounds” are even hotter! At least for me, because it hammers home how in charge you are in addition to how NOT in charge I am. I would have just given up on many things. YOU do not give up. You are always planning and plotting on ways to do something and it leaves no doubt to me that it’s eventually going to happen. It’s not just talk. You WILL make it happen and I have no choice and no control over it. Not that I want any. lol. I mean, after all, that’s the whole point anyway, that YOU are the Mistress, and in control. I am here to please you and obey. Once you get something in your head, it’s over… it’s happening. If that makes sense. OMG I am getting worked up just thinking of that. lol. I’d better stop now. 🤪
Thank you for your comment and you bring up some great points!
One thing about the “no choice and no control” comment — that’s the fantasy, right? The willing puppet of a Femdom. The REALITY is that power exchange, even total power exchange, is a dance between two people. Each always retains elements of agency. The submissive always has the ultimate level of control in that he/she can simply leave or ghost the Domme. That doesn’t happen often, but it does happen, and it’s a weird, sad feeling.
As you know, I LOVE the planning, plotting, and organizing, and I love the creativity of finding the workaround…..and then seeing the workaround come to pass! That’s the smart part of sexy smart.
What do you think?
Yes I agree with everything you said, Mistress (and not just because you are my Mistress!! lol). Everything about the Domme-sub relationship is a two-way street and requires trust and “buy-in” (for lack of a better term right now) from BOTH sides. Even, and maybe especially, in TPE. I have to trust You that you will not let anything happen to me when I am giving myself totally to you and cannot make rational decisions for myself (slut switch on. lol). And conversely I have to ensure that my desires never place you at risk or in a bad position as a Domme. You also need to trust me to let you know if things aren’t right so that You do not have to deal with guilt or any ramifications of my getting injured or something else bad happening. Communication is key and OPEN communication and not being scared to open up to each other is so so important. I KNOW that I can be frank and upfront with you, and trust you with my most sensitive and intimate, kinky perverse thoughts that nobody else in the universe knows about. You may not agree with them but you never judge and then we talk about it and ultimately come to an agreement together. I love that. There is quite literally nobody else on this earth that I trust as much as I do you, Mistress Olivia.
Then of course the planning and plotting. That can only happen because of what we above. And oh do I LOVE that as well. Your workarounds make things possible that I never thought possible. Really. And how I LOVE Your surprises!!!! 😁
This is exactly spot on perfect! Yep, THIS !!!!!
Oh and when you said that I need to know what’s going on with you … whew that is so important. I think I’ve talked about this on our podcast, skim if you’ve already heard this.
I was doing pain play with someone — spanking, caning, paddling — and he didn’t say it was getting to be too much – and I realized he wasn’t really in sub space he was crying from the pain (and not the good kind of crying). OMG I felt HORRIBLE !!!!! I mean I like pain play but not if it’s the bad kind of painful.
Whew, we had a SIT DOWN kind of convo several days later and I said why didn’t you say anything and he said, I wanted to please you. I burst into tears and said, well I don’t feel very pleased so don’t do that again! I STILL cringe about that, just even writing this comment to you!
The fog of submission is absolutely real. I can compare to other activities that can put one “in the zone”. It is a point where the desire to serve, to please, to obey becomes almost a singular focus. Not that you lose the ability to think, but your thinking all leads to the some goal, submission and how to deepen it. Runners high is similar, where the discomfort becomes background noise and the urge to keep pushing forward is almost all that matters. I think gooning is a similar mindset. Pain can be another way, during a corporal punishment session or nipple clamps, once you are past the initial flinches and settle in you can float in sensations.
For submission, I love to sink into the fog. Again, I’m still fully conscicious of what I’m doing, that it is my choice, that it might be uncomfotable, or “not what I want to do”, or embarrassing, but the drive to obey overrides all discomfort and fuels the desire to perform. One method I like is a series of tasks, with specific instructions. Know the list, being able to see the path and learning the specifics as you go, as you are corrected or rewraded, as you achieve.
Bring on the fog
What a great comment wellspanked …. you get an OTK as a reward funishment!
LOL
I wonder if this “losing yourself” happens with anything requires singular focus. For example, when I’m “in the zone” for writing, I’ll realized that I’ve been writing and haven’t moved in what hours and I would swear I’d only been writing for maybe 30 – 45 minutes.
MY thought is that the “thing” has to be challenging … physical challenge like running, hiking, swimming …. mental challenge … I get in the zone with some submissives (in person and on the phone it’s more about the person and our energy than physical proximity). It feels DAMN GOOD!
What do you think about the ‘singular focus’ idea?
I think singular focus can bring on a sense of time dilation. When you “fixate” on one thing, and other stimuli disappear you might feel in the end like a longer amount of time passed than actually did. I don’t think you really feel it in the moment.
There are certain competitions that I do. In them we use the phrase “slow is fast”. Two meanings really, one is when you are doing well and “in the zone” you usually don’t feel it. Then you see your time and think “wow”! The other meaning is, “be slow and deliberate so you don’t make mistakes and get penalized or have to repeat”. But the second meaning isn’t what we’re talking about.
What a great point, wellspanked!
That conscious and deliberate slowing down to “avoid mistakes” actually keeps me out of the flow that you describe. I’m a fan of avoiding mistakes and acknowledge that there is an element of stress in that statement because resisting the negative is always more stressful than going with energy that is positive.
Does that make sense?
Dear Ms Olivia, When I read your orders ‘leave a comment’ and ‘obey’, I obviously had little choice but to write something. After all, mistress is the boss!! I must say that’s a very telling picture with this article. Are you the lady in the picture? She has nice long and well-toned legs, she’s wearing a very sexy and daring mini-skirt or mini-dress, and she looks in complete control of the situation, so it could be you?? Moreover, I was able to enjoy the picture since this lady isn’t showing any part of her underpants!!
Ahhhhhh that perfect little black dress …. and what color underpants do you THINK I’m wearing?
Hmmmmmm?
Thinking, imagining, perhaps even HOPING.
Right?
I wonder if I should punish you for merely THINKING about black underpants!
Well, Ms Olivia, as you know, I often wonder what colour underpants you are wearing, but, of course, I wouldn’t dare ask the question since both Ms Hunter and yourself have so clearly forbidden me to do so!!
What would you do if I said, “OH I’m going commando today” hahahahahahaha
Now, I’m not, but your comment makes me want to say that just to watch your … ahem … head explode!
Well, Ms Olivia, I’m sure you would look very sexy with no knickers on!! Whoops, sorry, i mean ‘underpants’ of course. My apologies for my incorrect use of vocabulary!! And, by the way, when you refer to your own underwear as ‘underpants’, that makes me feel very submissive. It’s a reminder that mistress wears the pants and the underpants i.e. she is the boss and she calls the shots.
Mistress DOES wear the underpants and the PANTS!
LOL
Yes, Ms Olivia, yes, ma’am!
laughs
I read that with an echo …. you saying yessssss Ms Olivia, yesssss Maaaaa’aaaaammmmm as you are thumping down the basement stairs!
Good morning Ms Olivia, This is truly a combination that can play off each other. While in subspace almost anything is possible. Mild private humiliation between a sub and his mistress can easily ramp up the excitement of a session. When the trust between them is secure, the secret draws Mistress & Sub closer.
Thank you for your comment sub-D ! You’re right about it being a symbiotic relationship.
Ms Erika and I are both reading Edge Play by Jane Boon. We’re going to interview her on The Weekly Hot Spot podcast. The book is FANTASTIC! Ms Erika finished it and I’m about 1/2 way through.
She brings up the point about trust and letting go and how hot that is … and I’ll also say being a recipient of that trust is hot for ME! If that makes sense.
You are so right trust, it is the glue that binds a sub to their Mistress. I’ve been serving Ms Erika for several years now. She knows me so well, every kink and fantasy. She knows every button to push to make any session memorable. I trust her pretty much unconditionally, this allows me to relax and sink deep into subspace. I am hers to mold & manipulate, there is no clock, no schedule, no todo list. Just her voice existing in my head. The total release of responsibility even for a short time is almost as wonderful as the climax she coaxes from me.
That’s a fantastic point Sub-D and that trust goes both ways … just as you relax into Mistress Erika’s commands and instructions – she also trusts YOU. So, it really goes both ways.
Reading what you said about the “total release of responsibility, even for a short time,” makes me think of meditation. Have you ever done meditation, quieting the mind? If you have, does it feel like that? Of course, your mind isn’t QUIET because it’s filled with the voice of your Mistress, but YOUR chatter that fills up your mind is quiet, and that is always such a relief.
Yes; There is a fog that creeps in to a subs mind as a session progresses. As we obey, falling deeper into obedient submission to a Mistress’ control. I remember the first time a Mistress changed Her tone during a conversation. Transitioning into taking in full control of what was now going to happen. Amazing! The sudden shrinking of myself as the way She began speaking to me left no misunderstanding that the Power exchange was now in full swing. WOW the feeling of my pure submissive place below Her completely over took me. To this day i love the way a Mistress can make me feel when She employs that, matter of fact, i own you right now tone. I believe it is the first level of subspace.
In the very short time of getting to know Ms Olivia. I already agree that She does not forget some kink experience you may have mentioned being curious about. Even in passing.
Be careful what you think You want. I am convinced Ms Olivia will be thinking up ways to make it happen. It may be humiliating.
laughs oh my yes it may be humiliating …. it may be challenging and it will always be interesting! Right?
OH and Ms Erika and I are tossing around an idea for a podcast about using our voices.Not that exactly – probably something about how to create an aural experience using words, tone, timber, pacing, etc. I’ll admit, sometimes it’s unconscious and it just kind of flows, other times it is totally deliberate and similar to performance art.
I’m not sure that would be a whole episode or maybe we’d end up doing it as a section of something else. What do you think?
Yes, I have been in fog for years and didnt realize it. Now being married, im definitely in a fog of submission and humiliation
hahahahahahaha
Well, I know WHY you’re submissive and WHAT is humiliating about your whole situation so yeah …. you do have that FOG going on.
How’re you FEELING?
HUH?
~laughs~
Ms. O, ever since I discovered you and your blogs, it’s been transformative. Just after reading your post, I had to walk down the hallway at work, and realized I needed to rush to my office because my little hard-on started poking out of my pants. I can’t hide it because it points straight out. I agree that it is fascinating how my feelings of owning a small cock and imagining being dominated by all the big cocked men I’ve encountered, the women who have teased or laughed at my cock, or the thought of being dominated by a FemDom who has a larger strap-on than my penis brings me into a whole, puzzling world of erotic feelings I don’t know what to do with. I am heterosexual, and I act as such, but these feelings and the constant reminders I have a such a small penis and seeing the comparisons near daily (gym locker, sauna, you name it) are almost overwhelmingly powerful. Thank you for this post and your encouragement to come to grips with these feelings. And how many times your posts have made me have to rush to my office/and/or deal with unexpected leaking all over my underwear.
Speaking of being dominated by a strapon, have you ever heard of the “ghost cock” … ? … I actually should do a blog post about it because wow, this is a really wicked, fun humiliation scene.
I’m laughing at your tiny dick “poking straight out” whoospie daisy and I’m #SorryNotSorry
Yes, it’s difficult to hide as soon as it decides to tent. What is the ghost cock you speak of?
Keep looking at my blog —- OR Ms Erika and I will do an episode on our podcast, The Weekly Hot Spot.