I have a biased perspective on BDSM, kink, fetish and sex.  My career as a sex worker who is polyamorous and active in the fetish scene means I enjoy a lot of things that most people have never heard of. Still, I think it’s always interesting to see how my likes stack up against other people’s preferences.Hence my question to see if you have these popular kinks.

Kink versus Fetish

I often use the words kink and fetish interchangeably but they are different. A kink is something that is optional but adds to the experience.  A fetish must be present for someone to experience pleasure.

A fetish also supposedly falls outside of ‘normal’ sexual activity. That makes me mad. What is considered ‘normal’ sexual activity and who gets to decide that? I should be on that peer review panel. We would have a lot more fun researching sexual activity and the “normal” moniker will expand. 

Who likes what, sexually, in each state

If you know me, you know I identify as a nerd. I like research. I like learning. Just imagine my glee when I found this juicy report that includes an interactive map of the most googled fetishes and kinks! This shows the number of searches per 10,000 people so you’re not comparing a small population state with one that has a lot of people. That said, check this out!

Strapon sex and pegging

Texas is THIRD in strapon searches – I could say something about being fucked in the ass but I will refrain. (Don’t get huffy, I love the southwest!) If you’re in Texas, I know we’ll get a big ‘yee haw” from you when you listen to the podcast episode called, Strapon Sex from a Woman’s Point of View.

While you’re on spotify, check out the rest of the topics on our BDSM, kink and fetish themed podcast, The Weekly Hot Spot.  Ms Erika and I are the hosts and Ms Scarlet joined us for that episode.


Most lists for popular kinks or fetishes have BDSM in the top five.  Remember, BDSM is a wide spectrum of behaviors – it isn’t one size fits all. People are drawn to BDSM for a variety of reasons. For some, it’s a chance to be someone and do something that is very different from the day to day life. The appeal of doing something that is taboo cannot be overstated.  Some people, like me, love sensation play. For others, it may be the only chance to explore gender roles or sexuality.

The B in BDSM is for bondage

Going back to our state map, I wanted to see what people in Utah were searching. Guess what?  Utah leads the country in searches for bondage – I don’t even want to think about what this means.

The M in BDSM is for Masochism 

I wonder if BDSM tends to be at the top of kink/fetish lists because it includes so many activities.  Let’s see which state leads the country in searches for masochism.  Oh look!  It’s Washington DC – which makes sense if you think about it. 

Pussy licking in New York

My state, New York, is generally within the top five for all the popular kinks — go team!  But … I’m sad to say, it’s not even in the top 10 for searches for cunnilingus meaning people here are either experts or they don’t know and don’t care. On the other hand, we’re number 4 in searches about sadism. Femdom wasn’t a category, so I can only speculate that the women became sadists because of poor pussy licking. 

There are lots more kinks and fetishes (you know that) but I’ll stop here for now.  These are your questions:

  • What is your favorite kink or fetish?
  • If you lick pussy, how are YOUR pussy licking skills?

I can’t wait to read your answers or talk with you when you dial 1-800-601-6975.

Your Experienced Mistress,

Ms Olivia