We talk about BDsm
The IM chat continues: Today, I coach the guy new to Femdom and new to phone sex about his interest in BDsm spanking. Elements of pain play can be tricky on a call.
As an aside, I’m cautious about pain play on the phone call if I think (or know) that you’re doing it in real life. If you’re naturally submissive and into that sub space where you will automatically do what I say then it is My responsibility as the Domme to look out for your physical safety. The penis and balls are actually quite fragile when handled wrong. Do NOT put your cock in the hands of someone who doesn’t understand fetish safety and pain play!
CBT and phone sex
CBT, cock and ball torture, is highly arousing for many men. Like everything, it depends on the erotic fantasy and the fetish situation. It can be part of ANY erotic roleplay although for some reason I haven’t seen much attraction of CBT for crossdressers. Maybe it’s because of the feminization element. I digress. If you’re a sissy, I’d love to hear from you: Do you like any element of CBT?
For some callers, a mild slap on the balls at just the right moment in the call can be amazing. For others, they want an actual CBT phone sex session. Anyone who wants an actual CBT session with Me goes through a grilling about his experience with CBT, his personal health history, what he wants, etc. I’m cautious and when doing pain play I will always tend to err on the safer side and then push the edges as we get to know one another.
This potential caller wasn’t talking about CBT per se but he did bring up paddling and spanking so that’s where we pick up the IM chat today.
Spanking and the masturbation fantasy
empress.olivia: Have you tried spanking yourself?
New Guy: Yes
empress.olivia: Tell Me more.
New Guy: I like the feeling of the actual hit but the effort to get in a position to actually be able to spank good makes it not as good as it could be
New Guy: I will be right back Empress Olivia. Having a 10 minutes meeting now.
New Guy: It’s a short meeting everyone telling what status our projects have.
empress.olivia: LOL
empress.olivia: I’ll want to hear YOUR status
New Guy: Im back Empress Olivia
empress.olivia: What is YOUR status pet?
empress.olivia: ~laughs~
New Guy: That im a submissive talking about sessions with his Empress?
empress.olivia: Good !
New Guy: Well for the moment im waiting for answers in all my projects Empress Olivia
empress.olivia: *nods*
New Guy: And for the record it felt good when you called me pet
empress.olivia: ahhhhhh………good!
empress.olivia: You mentioned spanking. That is hard to do on a phone session. One thing that you can do solo is use a LONG wooden yardstick. That way you’re not straining your arm. Physical PAIN……releases endorphins which are the ‘feel good’ chemicals in the brain.
New Guy: I’ll try that Empress Olivia
empress.olivia: Pain can also be used a seductive control or for strict measures…..humiliation …. etc. The long wooden yardstick is springy and will give a nice resounding whack with a sting. You won’t get fully into sub space by your own hand, but it can be used during a session to great effect!
New Guy: Okay i understand Empress Olivia
New Guy: I guess its excelent during phone sessions
empress.olivia: YES!
Tomorrow, you will see how all this begins to wrap up. I coach him on how to contact Dispatch and what happens when he calls. Then, I tell him what I think he should say to Dispatch when he calls and asks for a Mistress (this is also what he says to the Mistress herself). THEN, you’ll find out what happened with the new guy! *wink*
Does he call the Experienced Mistress?
You know I’m usually very busy on the phone when I’m logged in so don’t automatically assume he was able to call Me …. or, even that he DID call. Any person who contacts us for the first time is on a ‘comfort curve’ when calling for phone sex. You can tell I don’t push for a call. (Yes, if you want a session, scene creation or My undivided attention, then you have the option of a session. If you don’t mind delays, content restrictions, etc then I’m more than happy to chat on IM).
SO ….. here are some of your questions. Have you used self spanking during a phone sex call? What do you do? How do YOU do it? Also, are you into CBT? Feel free to digress, you can see My comment to magnus in a reply, I LIKE it when you digress. I want this to be an actual conversation, not some static thing controlled by Me 🙂 When it’s organic it takes on a sexy and interesting life of it’s own!
Ms Olivia
Spanking certainly plays a role in my eroticism and submission. One thing I’ve found is that caning works better than paddling for me in phone sex because it is much less loud, so that it’s possible to do in the privacy of a room, rather than requiring privacy of the whole apartment or house. The slap of a paddle is so loud that anyone in the house will hear it, but a cane makes much less noise.
LOL you are so RIGHT slavemind, canes are MUCH more quiet! I was recently staying with Ms Ally and one of her dogs was My pal. I forgot he was in the room when I whipped out My flogger for a sound effect on a phone sex call and lo and behold I FREAKED OUT that poor lil doggy! Moral of that story is this: We might have puppy fetish play but real dogs don’t like the swoosh thud-thwack of a soft suede falls ! LOL
This is getting habit-forming, Ms. Olivia. You ask & i feel compelled to answer.
Have you used self spanking during a phone sex call? i recall doing it once & like Your IM guy, the awkwardness resulted in little effect either tangible or on my psyche.
What do you do? How do YOU do it? i think i was swatting with a wooden kitchen spoon with not enough arc to achieve any sting.
Also, are you into CBT? i’ve been made to apply wooden clothes pins to my ball sac before. i can’t say i liked the pain, but there was so much satisfaction in completing the task. also, that first Mistress would insist that my C&B be tied up with a long, white shoelace & tucked into panties, whenever i worked.
“When it’s organic it takes on a sexy and interesting life of it’s own!” & what, Ms. Olivia, could be more organic that C&B’s? lol
@ coffeeboy ….. the wooden spoon is too short usually to be used to optimal effect for ass spanking. I like the LONG wooden ruler (like three foot). There’s more swing and bounce. You also can keep your arm in a more comfortable position. There’s even a semi nice swoosh of a sound.
I watched slavemind use a cane today and admit I am a total believer in using THAT if you’ve got a cane (CAREFUL if it is a crop because that *tail* on the end can be the bad kind of hurt!).
About CBT…..LOL…..funny you should mention that because I just got done with a cam CBT session. If you think I was asking questions of the new guy you should have seen what I did with the guy new to CBT. But, he’s young and now I’ve impressed on him the importance of safety!
I had one caller recently tell Me a Mistress (NOT LDW) told him to drip hot wax on his cock and balls…..he didn’t know any differently and he did it. BURNS! No kidding. Listen, pretend CBT is fine on phone sex but if you’re really going to engage in ANY pain play make sure your partner is safety conscious!
Also, since I’m on a safety rant….not sure how long your Mistress kept you tied up but that’s also a safety flag. There are sexy ways to tie up and then untie to get the blood flowing again ….again safe doesn’t have to mean boring….it means experienced and informed AND looking out for YOU so you can really let go of control !
LOL……and you’re right…..cock and balls are the most organic growth points I know! LOL Part of why I ADORE them so!
it is sooooo good to hear (or read) Your safety awareness, Ms. Olivia. my c&b were usually tied for the duration of work & only sufficiently “snug” to keep the cock pointed down between the balls. this way i was aware they weren’t mine AND had to sit, if i needed “relief.” they were always released when i got home & i was allowed (actually) instructed to give them a vigorous rubdown with aloe lotion to prevent chaffing. 😉
it sounds as though Your caller, or his Mistress, didn’t do their wax homework. the melting point of waxes is highly variable. he needed either a wax intended for that use or, at a minimum, a low melting point wax that tends to chill on contact.
i’m a research “fanatic.” before i ever thought of contacting a Mistress, phone or live, i must have spent over a year both researching internet resources & finding boards populated by ProDommes who were happy to discuss & educate. there was one thor (a NYC submissive) used to host that was marvelous.
@ coffeeboy ……. lol…..and I bet you LOVED that ‘vigorous rubdown’ with that aloe lotion! ~laughs~ *wink*
You’re sure right about homework and education involved in any sort of pain play. I tend not to do wax works on phone sex calls simply because I can see and test the candles used….you’re right, erotic candle play requires (like most things involved in fetish sex play) knowledge and *wink* experience!
You’re right about the research …. not just with fetish play …. but also ProDommes and even Mistresses here. Now, the search is also ….. ahem….exciting! So, this time when you do your homework, it’s often hands on (wink) with real zeal! ~laughs~
why Ms. Olivia! i never took those “vigorous rubdowns” to that level…the very thought! Mistress had me on a short mental leash….& i learned quickly She did not approve of begging. when we had a phone call, it was all about Her being in my head & Her pleasure. if i was bad, she would tell me to go to sleep with nipple clamps on &, should i wake up & find they’d detached, i was expected to correct that problem. if i was good, She would no require me to reattach the clamps during the night. it was only when i really pleased Her that She would bestow an orgasm on me…done Her way, of course.
*nods* @ coffeeboy …. I, like your first Mistress, love the short leash. What I do — which you’re getting a sense of — here on the blog is give y’all a peek into how I do that. For example, I just got off a call and we (of course) had amazing and creative sex …. but, then we started just *talking* and poor dear he didn’t realize that when you express a desire for the erotic mindfuck I will use EVERYTHING in service of the scene. This makes the phone sex even hotter and the ‘short leash’ play even more fun!
it just occurred to me, Ms. Olivia, that You’ve enough material for a right thick dossier on me already. when the time comes for that first phone call with You, my mind doesn’t stand a chance, lol.
pshaw ….. coffeeboy……even before the dossier did you REALLY think your mind (or anything else) stood a chance?
*wink*
only an anemic one, Ms. Olivia!
LOL coffeeboy!
No big surprise here I have spanked myself on many calls, both on cam and on the phone only. Personally I find it incredibly exciting to be directed to spank myself and it’s not all that much different from a live spanking from someone. I also have tried self-spanking alone and in other situations to varying degrees of success.
When spanking myself on a call, the direction from the mistress is the driver for a good spanking. Being told when, where, and how, or how many times makes it interactive and enjoyable. Having a long implement is also a plus. I’ve made several of my own spanking implements and although a paddle can certainly deliver I think a long handled spoon or something similar (fast and stingy) is the best for self-spanking. One method I’ve discovered for giving yourself a good spanking is to several hits as fast as you can. If you concentrate on doing it fast, and not on how hard it achieves the desired effect. So a mistress can, for example, say 10 swats with that spoon on your right cheek as fast as you can. Since you are concentrating on speed you will end up hitting pretty hard and in the same spot even when the sting builds up to where you are flinching or pulling away. For self-spankings without someone else involved I’ve discovered another useful tip. Watching or listening to a spanking video or clip and spanking along with it can really help deliver a good one.
As for cbt, I am in the catagory of a slap to the balls at the right time really sends a jolt ove excitement all over. One mistress would “tsk tsk” and tell me to deliver a slap to my balls if I didn’t address her properly or say “thank you” and such at the right times. It wasn’t done harshly, just as gentle reminder to keep my manners. Beyond that cbt can get a little carried away in my opinion.
As always, great insights, and a great opporunity for self discovery Ms Olivia.
FANTASTIC comments about self spanking wellspanked. LOL….now read that sentence again, it’s hard to keep a straight face!
You’re right long handled spoon is good…..long handled anything … I like the LONG wooden ruler (springy).
I love your idea of fast hits and didn’t even realize I did that until I read what you wrote. I notice that the most common swing is to draw the hand back really FAR … I tend to counsel, stay close and hit more often but hadn’t thought of why. That’s also a GREAT idea about spanking videos. THANK YOU ! One of our favorite videos is Fashionistas (parts 1 and 2) … it’s really well done hot fetish porn. And the outfits are FANTASTIC ! LOL
I think ANY amount of CBT totally depends on the man. Some like it, some don’t. LOL There aren’t many who are *casual* about CBT that’s for sure! I’m not sure if I’d call the fun swat CBT but again, the definition depends on the person. I have one caller who loves a barrage of light taps during a certain part of his phone sex call and it’s always HOT for Me to hear him gasp and moan. I asked him one time what he liked about CBT and he said he hated even the thought! Yet in that one spot on the call, he’s swatting his balls and loving it!
LOL …… this is SO much fun to talk with y’all about…..THANK YOU for sharing yourselves with Me and each other 🙂
follow up question….when you say “one of our favorite video”, you and your guy?
Good point about differing opinions of cbt too. All part of the process of understanding eachother. If you aren’t talking the same language, you aren’t going to get far.
@ wellspanked …. re: follow up question. Yes, My guy was the one who turned ME on to Fashionistas. He was already a fan. I’m a fan of some of the quick porn sites (xhamster, kink.com, etc.) but hadn’t watch an actual full length movie in years. LOL Well, not that I write that come to think of it we’re NOT watching Fashionistas for the movie plot and we’ve never watched that one until the end either! ~laughs~
Porn has plots?!? I never knew.
~laughs~ of course, I too am SHOCKED (shocked I say) to find any level of plot in porn!
@ wellspanked I’m glad the free erotic audio about spanking was to your…ahem…liking. I often use My toys on phone sex calls. BTW, there’s one on flogging that will be posted soon.
While I don’t consider myself into CBT, the mention of it brought an experince to mind that was rather intense. Several years ago, a Mistress that was comfortable going out with me (as my female self) suggested we go out to dinner. On the way to dinner, she had me stop at a leather shop. We went in and she had me purchase a cock ring with a ball stretcher with a weight. She took me into a dressing room and had me put it on under my dress. Although not terribly uncomfortable, the constant reminder of my state while dressed was intense. We had a nice dinner and drinks later. She asked about my comfort level from time to time as the evening continued. Of course, I was distracted by my situation and hoped no one would detect my newly purchased “toy”. It was quite the evening.
FANTASTIC story Jamie Rose !!! Now see……THAT is an example of the creativity (and care) of an experienced Mistress. She can take you places you not only never dreamed of going, but wouldn’t have WANTED to go if you were left to your own devices! LOL I LOVE that story…..and, of course, I’m totally thinking of ways to translate THAT idea and experience into phone sex ! Going out en femme gives totally different options for play …. ie dresses and skirts versus pants. LOL I went through a phase where I would tuck ben wa balls inside Me and then wear panty hose with no panties….. all day…..WOAH……talk about hiding in plain view! *wink*
Honestly, I can say that I have never, ever found CBT to be even mildly appealing. Of course, I mean CBT when I say that, and not necessarily something as relatively benign as spanking.
Since actual “torture” of the genitals would seem to be antithetical to the more typical means one achieves pleasure from genital stimulation, I would think you either need to be already “pre-wired” for this sort of thing, or already deeply into some kind of subspace well before the actual torment.
well put NB …. sometimes the CBT or any genital pain is part of the play where things are already pretty intense. Other times it is just flat out CBT only. I’ve seen it all variations. I think the people who are erotically wired into pain really like the pain they like and can take huge amounts of pain because it translates as erotic pleasure. I’ve done needle play (had it done on My breasts) and LOVED the stingy rush. I never would have imagined that I would try something like that or ever DO something like that. I don’t LIKE needles in the Dr. office! So, who knows. We’re Kinky in real life, not just phone sex fantasies, so there you go !
MsOlivia, I have to start out with a digression. (Can one digress before even starting the topic at hand? And is this question itself a digression?) Anyway, that’s the “pet” moniker. Your chatter liked it as much as I do since it shows how I’d be cherished while at the same time leaving no question as to my place. Mmmmmm
Anyway, pain… Lots of thoughts there. First, I totally appreciate what You said about the challenge of doing pain with phone sex. Sounds more than daunting and I’m pretty sure the last thing You want to hear is from the caller is “I need to hang up so I can call 911.” 🙂 CBT is not something I have any interest in myself. Just too sensitive there and well, I don’t think the CB and the T go together in the same sentence, but I know that’s a YMMV case.
Pain in general though is something I do like. Note, I *like* it. I do not *love* it. I am no pain slut. Heavy pain is right out for me, but less than that is very nice, I think. I mean, what is the point of having an ass if it doesn’t get spanked once in a while? 🙂 I have spanked myself somewhat using a belt and it was kind of difficult to do. So I like Your suggestion about the yardstick. Also, I have a pair of nipple clamps a friend gave me and those I love. I already enjoyed having my nipples tweaked and these go so much further giving me a dull ache that I can’t forget. (And they look good too since I had shared a pic of them in one case.)
magnus ….. and My pet noticed that too !!!! LOL
NO caller of mine is going to the ER as part of after care. LOL Well, unless they want medical play along with public humiliation. Only kidding. I don’t involve civilians in the kink play. I really am quite serious in a sweet, sexy (I hope) way. I don’t take Myself seriously but I sure take some of the things we do seriously.
My guy (pet/slut) doesn’t like CBT either LOL …. I talked with him about it and he was like NOOOOOOOooooooooooooo and not the *fun* kind of no.
For ass spanking the belt is too floppy. You don’t get momentum and heft. If you like the thuddy-ness of floggers you might try the belt over your shoulder….but do NOT use an extra long belt….stay FAR AWAY from your kidneys….stay in the fleshy part of the meat of your shoulders only 🙂
What kind of nipple clamps do you have? We have clover clamps which are fun and in a spurt of kinky purchasing frenzy I got some super tiny metal clothes pins …… we’ll give those away. They’re probably be great for testicle skin but not so much anywhere else.
The next post is what I tell the new guy to ask for when he describes what he wants to any Mistress. I can’t wait to see what y’all think of that. OH and remember foot fetish guy and his wife? I have an UPDATE !!!! But, you have to wait. ~laughs~ and runs out of the room!
Mine are clover clamps too, MsOlivia. The ones that look so nice on the chain. They were a gift from a friend who was sure to tell me they got tighter if you pulled the chain. LOL I’ve tried normal clothespins too, but they don’t do all that much for me, and are kind of hard to stay on. I haven’t built any sort of zipper out of them though I may try that at some point.
Thanks for the advice about the belt. That sounds like a good way to do it though I do tend to prefer the spanks to my ass rather than elsewhere.
Oh and this is a digression, but it’s really a continuation of another previous comment re: collars. My friend, the giver of the clamps, has a collared sub who she also have a permy ankle bracelet to, but it broke sadly. So I am going to replace it with steel chainmaile (same links as in my cuffs) when I see them hopefully next month.
And alas, I need to be away from my computer for a few days so I shall have to catch up afterward, but anything about a foot fetish guy sounds worth the wait. 😉 And waiting is good for me. ~repeat mantra~
magnus! I’m so glad you said zipper……I need to do that before the next play time. I keep forgetting. I have many strengths and organization is not always one of them !
*nods* about spanks to the ass …. and that’s such a lovely VISUAL isn’t it? And, the reminder when you sit down. LOL
You mention repairing the ankle bracelet for a fetish family friend. I’m going to digress on your digression. Fetish play partners, can and do become amazing friends. First, they *get* the sex part of you in all your kinks and quirks, even if they don’t *get* your actual expression of your fetish (sometimes that’s the case). They understand what a big part of the human psyche the sex stuff is….rare and I’m doing a blog post about the lack of places for societal discussion about REAL sex! AND, with fetish people , you have the most amazing, intricate and intimate discussion……hmmmmm….. much like we’re having HERE and, of course, on My rambling phone sex calls that are beyond simply the erotic fantasy.
Have FUN on your trip !!! We’ll leave the light on for ya! *laughs*
It’s true that self-spanking is different from being taken over a lover’s knee in real life. Although most of the time I like it best when MsCatherine spanks me in our shared imagination using our words, I also love it when she makes me spank myself and gives me, erm, “feedback” — it’s her reaction of course that makes that experience so delicious. It might be disapproval of a series of smacks or strokes coupled with an order to do it again much harder, or do it again because “those didn’t count” or just because. It might be simply her delighted laugh at hearing me do what she’s making me do and my reaction to it.
And then there’s all the embarrassment, pain, power exchange, age regression, and other aspects of spanking that can be combined in varying proportions in the recipe for an explosive phone call.
EXACTLY tommieboy !! The spanking is one of the many *tools* that can be used to create and/or intensify what’s going on in the scene play. I know I’m said this before but Ms Catherine is amazing! Her free erotic audio the Cock Whisperer on teasemania.com is one of My all time favorites! LOL Hey, I work in phone sex and want to call Her! You know, we have talked about doing an audio where I’m Her submissive….LOL…..well, not submissive really because I’m not….but I’d let Her Top Me in a heartbeat!
I am very much into the receiving side of spanking. Being into whips, I certainly appreciate a good flogging from a mistress. Also, regarding CBT, 2 or 3 whacks with a wooden spoon on my cum-filled testicle will enhance the erotic sensation.
@ CFB ….. I’ve got some spanking and flogging audios on our free erotic audio site Tease Mania and I often use My various *implements* for sound effects on phonesex calls :). Several nicely placed whacks on the aroused balls are fantastic for sensation play! Thank you for posting a comment!