Hot or not?
If you’re curious (or know you like) anal play – does that mean you’re gay? A married man called this Experienced Mistress to ask if this secret desire means he’s gay.
He won’t talk about his fantasies with his wife and he called phone sex because he wanted to have a real conversation about his erotic fantasies. I actually did a blog post about sex secrets — be sure to read the comments! I reassured him that everyone has sex secrets and he’s not alone is trying to figure out if he wants anal play or prostate milking.
Ass play feels great
Here’s the bottom line about your bottom: anal play feels amazing. Honestly though, whether you’re up for a gentle probing of your anal ring or a hard strap on fucking, it all depends on if the thought of ass play feels good — it’s like an exotic food, you either love it or hate it, there’s not a lot of inbetween. Touch your ass pucker and if it feels good then you are ready for more prostate stimulation and/or fucking hot bouncing on a dildo.
Submission and anal play
Anal play can also be part of being a submissive. Again, this doesn’t have anything to do with being gay. Does it thrill you to think of Mistress saying, “You’re going to be MY bitch — bend over while I fuck your tight ass!”? If you got a tingle on that line …. ohhhhh, then you DO want to explore more. Strap on play and pegging can be part of an amazing Femdom scene.
Answer to his question about anal sex and being gay
There will be no simple answer here. Many men are turned on by things they would never want to do in real life. A healthy fantasy life is healthy! Whether or not he IS gay will need a longer conversation because there are so many nuances to sexuality. Want to explore kinky fetish play, anal sex and YOUR erotic fantasy life? You know what to do.
Your Experienced Mistress,
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To me, being gay means having a sexual attraction to members of the same sex. Being straight however does not forego activities that are sexually stimulating with members of the same text, it is a matter of context.
When I role play a fantasy where a Mistress has me sucking a cock, that’s not gay even if it is my fantasy because the context is one of power exchange, a demonstration of submission either to my Mistress who enjoys watching me do it or to as an act of submission to an alpha male. The context is submission, not sexual desire for myself.
Our species is a species where sex is sometimes used as an indication of power, and as long as it is consensual, it can be fun to use it that way even if it does not involve sexual desire.
Ass play is not my personal favorite, sometimes I want nothing to do with it, but sometimes as a heterosexual man I enjoy exploring it because it is such a powerful manifestation and expression of power exchange between me and the Mistress. I am vulnerable and in undisputed submission to her when she pegs me, and that willing vulnerability to me a beautiful thing to express.
And there are a lot of nerves back there, those nerves can bring a lot of pleasure when teased just right. Doesn’t make one straight or gay to want to feel good…
I wish the person who asked you this the best of luck, I think clearly he is in good hands.
But gay or straight or bi – whatever someone is, they should embrace it – not be afraid of what they might be.
THANK YOU for this delightful and insightful comment Alice Wonder !! You’re so right … being ‘gay’ is much more emotional. Before really getting into kink and fetish play, I thought that actions were actions and the defining thing. Now, I know differently. The particular fetish action or kinky sex is really an expression of what’s going on — even thought the action can be an end in and of itself. I like the nuances and layers as you have articulated!
What a great blog entry! As Mistresses Mandy and Delia can attest, besides stretching my pee hole with a sound, I LOVE stretching my asshole with a large dildo after working up to it from a prostate massager with progressively larger toys. The continual prostate massage as the head of that big dildo rubs it as I bounce on it results in some shattering orgasms with large loads.
I think the world of both Ms Delia and Ms Mandy! Sounding and ass stretching is a great combo for an amazing orgasm!
This type of secret is not a bad thing……some partners have this image of the other that can be damaged by sharing it…..especially if the person is more vanilla than you are. If you love them, keep the secret….it’s not hurtful to do so, imo. By sharing it you may be placing them in a very uncomfortable position that IS or could be hurtful to them
That being said YOU are responsible for your own pleasure.
There is nothing more erotic to me than having some secret time with my fantasies. Anal play+cum play= one yummy time.
Riding my life like dong in my tight ass, while suckling on another, sends me to subspace. …… and I get a very creamy happy ending dessert. I let me mind flow..no restrictions. …..i satiate that desire…. then usually I am fine for quite sometime…… till that scratch needs to be itched again. I think fantasies can be like that itch you just have to scratch…..YOU are responsible for your own pleasure….
I agree with you nikki ! I am a fan of privacy, even in a marriage — of course that depends on you, your marriage, the way the partnership is configured….it all depends. Your comment: “YOU are responsible for your own pleasure” is spot on! The ICK comes from making (or trying to make) another person responsible for personal happiness or pleasure….no wonder people get tangled up and out of sorts when that happens! GOOD FOR YOU for knowing and getting what you want/need in a safe and sane way 🙂
Olivia, I’m so glad you addressed this question because it’s one I hear a lot! When I’m asked “I enjoy anal play – am I homosexual?” I usually reply “No, you’re just sexual and ready to enjoy all the pleasures your body can give!”. And Alice is right; there’s a big difference between being attracted to someone of the same sex and enjoying anal play, so I guess the short answer to the question is, “No, you’re not gay!”. Also, there’s much much more to a gay relationship than anal sex so please, go ahead and enjoy it without worrying!
I agree! Anal sex, anal pleasure and anal play are FUN! I urge the shy guys not to overanalyze things too much and experience the pleasure!
The wicked Piper says, “Yes whore, you ARE gay!” But the nice Piper says, “Of course you’re not gay just because you like anal!” I like to say that the gays like to get their dicks sucked too, but nobody ever says, “Ewww, you can’t suck my cock; that’s what the gays do!” Why is butt play any different?
~laughs~ at the description of the wicked Ms Piper and the nice Ms Piper … I’ve been known to do the same! We DO have to be a tad psychic doing phone sex! LOL
You simply would not believe how many of my callers do suck cock, or really, really want to, and who want to take it up the ass or do. It’s amazing! I think being interested in or capable of gay sex doesn’t make one gay, but rather, it’s the emotional connection behind it, does that make sense?
Absolutely it does. A sexual position does not make a sexual orientation.
Oh, and one more thing, anal can not only really amp up a man’s pleasure, there are health benefits, too! Provided he has a healthy prostate to begin with, it can keep him from getting an enlarged one. How fucking cool is that? Turns out, anal play is good and it’s good for you!
Good and good for you! That’s a TWOFER during a three way! hahahahhahahahaha
For once I am going to be serious here, perhaps a bit out of character for me, but here goes. If we are going to tough on health aspects of this topic, then it should be mentioned that men like me that are being watched for prostate cancer on the basis of elevated prostate specific antigen (PSA) should not engage in this sort of activity in the interest of eliminating a variable that may factor into an elevated PSA level. Any pressure on the prostate should be avoided. Heck, as of about 18 months ago, I’m not even supposed to ride a bicycle. It is indeed true that some fantasies are best pursued in the imagination, and the determination of which ones should be categorized as such can be very much case specific.
That’s my $.02, and as a bit of an aside, you’ve just read a bit of an indication as the source of my inactivity with LDW.
Ahhhhhhh, I was wondering what happened to you Lenas and I’m so glad you wrote. You’re right about the cautions about health issues and prostate play or anal play. Thanks for adding that. Here’s me sending you all kinds of healing energy!
touch not tough
Anal play is so broad and can be enacted in so many ways. No I don’t think a man is necessarily gay if they like anal play. Heck I would say the man was straight unless the anal play came from him being fucked by another guy. But if he did get fucked by another guy I wouldn’t consider him straight. He’d be at least bi and might be gay.
But that’s just me.
hahahahahhaha……anal play is BROAD … okay, that just strikes me a funny because I was just talking with a naughty sissy about anal training! BAM! Now, a sissy might still be with men and might not even be “gay” but still used as a sissy with men and trained to serve men. So even with straight on “gay sex” it might or MIGHT NOT be what I think of as gay sex.
Easy answer: no. If a man wants to have sex with a man, that’s gay. If a man wants his asshole stimulated by tongue, fingers, toys, (whether by himself as part of masturbation or by his female sex partner) that has nothing to do with being gay. Many people may consider a man’s interest in receiving anal stimulation as “gay” because gay men generally like it. Gay men also enjoy having their dicks sucked; does that mean receiving a BJ is gay? Ass sex feels amazing to men because of prostate stimulation. We have prostates because we are men, regardless of our sexual preference. One may as well ask “I understand that some gay men like beer. I like beer – does that mean I’m gay? My greatest orgasms have occurred when my wife put her tongue, fingers or preferably her strap-on dildo up my ass and fucks me really hard. Does that make me gay? No, because I have no desire to have sex or to imagine sex with a man. finally, forget labels. If u want your ass played with, start playing with it!!
That’s a great point about the blow job? What exactly is gay or not is very much dependent on context — and so much more! Personally I think that each person gets to define his or her sexuality and erotic kinks. I’ve even blogged about my love of vanilla sex which is sort of a no no for a Mistress. No one is one sided all the time … or I sure haven’t met the person who is.